Rejecting the Gray

I wrote this for my wife after starting the divorce proceedings...  It's called "Rejecting the Gray"

Would I do anything to remove this pain?
Erase all the good memories of you from my brain...
Slay this anguish that hurts so deep,
Forget all the times next to you I fell asleep.
I could get rid of the loneliness I feel inside,
If I no longer remembered the companionship of you as my bride.
Without your years of loyalty,
There would exist no betrayal.
Without our personal intimacy,
Visuals of you with him would not haunt me to no avail.
Perhaps depression & anxiety would let me be,
If on that day with Pippin I didn't ask you to marry me.
I wonder if your unwillingness to reconcile would matter,
If three children we brought home from Metro didn't pitter-patter.
No pills would be needed to fight back the panic,
If our wedding in the Bahamas had been less romantic.
Perhaps this loss would feel less like a death in the family,
If I hadn't grown to love yours so happily.
If only we hadn't made plans to live in the country and grow old,
Then maybe today my heart wouldn't be this ice cold.
But I stand here today and gladly experience all of this pain,
Knowing we had a chance to share a name.
Life is full of pain, but only because we know of joy,
You can't have one without the other without living in a gray void.
I choose to live life in vibrant color, taking the good with the bad,
So I cherish all the good times, even though today they make me unbearably sad.