For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
My wife moved out of our home and in with her parents. Life changed in the blink of an eye. I wanted her home. I pleaded my case. I forgave her. I told her all she had to do was WANT to be forgiven (Luke 17:3). And, she would have to quit her job. Notions Marketing was not her career. It would be unfair for me to know that each day she would go off and see Marty. I made it very clear that she would have to choose me over Notions Marketing. One night she confessed the gritty details of their relationship (via text) and I gave her an ultimatum: If she punched into Notions Marketing the next morning, we were done; I would start the divorce paperwork.
I spent hardly any of that night asleep. I sent her text message pictures of us together. Apparently, I sent her so many that her phone battery died over night and her alarm did not go off in the morning. She was an hour late for work. But, she did go to work and punch in.
There is a certain peace that comes over you when something so heavy is no longer hanging up in the air. I was sad, but I could move on. Little did I know she was struggling at work. She didn't feel like she was supposed to be there. She punched out on break and did not return. She told Marty that she didn't feel right at Notions Marketing and she had to go home. He told her that he wished that he still had a family to go back to; for you see, Marty's wife had recently cheated on him and left. He had perpetuated the cycle.
My wife drove home to me and the kids. She told me later that she was driving so fast the thought crossed her mind that she may die in a traffic accident and I would never know that she was coming home. I remember the sound of her keys jingling as she entered the house. I rushed to meet her at the door and she asked, "Will you forgive me?"
I hugged her, "Yes. I forgive you."
Some hard truths came to light when she returned. She had had unprotected sex with him, and then unprotected sex with me, exposing me to any diseases he may have. Thankfully, her STD tests came back clean. I learned that Marty was a criminal; my wife alleged that he had laundered $20,000 from his previous employer without getting caught. He was also an alcoholic who had been ordered to attend AA. I began to wonder who my wife had become...
Within days of my wife coming back to me, Marty asked one of my wife's work friends to sleep with him. My wife's friend declined the offer.
My wife made me change my wardrobe. We went shopping and I had to buy new clothes. She convinced me to buy different glasses that she picked out. She also told me how to do my facial hair from now on. I was in a messed-up state of mind so I let her control all of these things. She was surprised I had not slept with anyone during our brief time apart. She said to me, "I would have had sex with the first person I could find."
For two days things were really great - sort of. She made me do things sexually to her that Marty had done to her. This was very hard for me and sex became very confusing. Down the road some of these things would come up in counseling as unsafe sexual acts.
She started missing him. That was hard for me to bare. When we drove places we couldn't drive the same route that she had taken to his house. Looking at our wedding photos helped her. She made me take away her phone and lock it up. We changed her phone number. I blocked him on Facebook for her (she asked me to). For two days it was good. But for two days after that it was hell on earth. My wife became a brick wall. She did not want to talk. When she did talk she told me that she wanted an open marriage and to engage in threesomes.
She admitted that she had been looking at pornography for a while now. This blew me away; I had no idea. Sadly, I think this addiction is partially to blame for her cheating. She was comfortable in a situation she wasn't supposed to be in because she had already filled her mind with those situations via the internet. She didn't see anything wrong with looking at porn.
Secretly, she opened her own bank account and transferred $1000 to it. She also got her job back at Notions Marketing. She then moved back in with her parents.
The day after she moved out we were to meet with a counselor. Instead, I showed up alone.
The kids and I were alone in the house once again.
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