A Conversation with the Creator of the Universe

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

This walk can be so hard that we sometimes forget which way is up.  A bad counseling session put me even closer to the brink - the brink of being done with my marriage.  The coldness was becoming too much.  The fact that her phone was password protected and I couldn't even look at it, even if she was present, was becoming too much (given her recent history).  No other marriage I knew of had password protected areas.  What was she hiding?  Seeing her flirt with other guys right in front of me made me wonder what she does with them when she was out late at night at the bar.  Why had two groups of people come forward to warn about the way she hangs out with one of her girlfriends, that same friend she is out late with every week?  I really began to question the point of trying anymore.  My walls were coming up.  My wedding ring came off.  I was tired of being the only one who wore their wedding ring in this marriage.

I knew that I needed some time in prayer.  A long time.  I needed to gather my bearings.  What was my purpose in all of this?  If I truly believe God brought her back, why did He bring her back?  What am I doing right in all of this?  What am I doing wrong?  I felt convicted to drop everything I was doing and pray.  But I didn't.  When I finally got around to it later that night I was unfocused and tired.  The questions remained.

The next day at HomeFront the sermon was on prayer.  It was a great service.  It was what I needed to hear.  When I got home I made the kids lunch and then put the two littlest ones down for a nap.  I asked my wife if it would be okay if I went for a walk alone.  She was fine with that.  So, I placed my wedding ring in my pocket and took off down Kent Trails.

"God, you already know what I'm going to ask," I began.  "I don't even know what I'm going to ask..."

The trail was completely empty.  However, not once did I feel alone.

I talked to God in prayer as I walked.  I asked Him my questions.  I spoke of what bothered me.  I needed to know what I could do better.  I needed to know how to move forward.  I needed to be reminded which way was up.

And after I was done talking, I listened.  I cleared my mind, shut my mouth, and I paid attention for the other half of the conversation.

It was an exquisite fall day.  The sky was a bit overcast and breezy.  The temperature was perfect.  Some trees had started to change color.  Birds chirped, squirrels and chipmunks scurried about gathering food for the winter.  And as I looked at His creation I realized, does God abandon the trees to the seasons?  Do the animals die in the winter and never return?  Then how much less should I abandon my wife?

Even the pavement and the fences were set in motion by God, the same as the seed of each plant.  You allow it all.  You are God.  Your ways and thoughts are higher than my ways and thoughts.  So now are my ways higher than my wife’s, for she rebels against you.  I decided to wear my ring for Him not for her.  I put it back on.  It had been off for 5 days.

I started to return home.  I asked the Spirit to convict me of anything that I am doing wrong.  I asked this question 3 times and the clouds parted and the sun shone for the rest of my walk.  When I got home I immediately began reading my Bible.  I didn't care that she saw me.  I read until we left to drop the kids off with Natalie and John so that my wife and I could go grab a bite to eat and catch a movie.  Usually when my wife and I would go out as a couple like this, she would wear her wedding ring (rare occasions).  However, today she did not.  No doubt she had noticed that I had not worn my ring for the last 5 days.  Perhaps she didn't notice that I had put mine back on.  She probably didn't want to be the only one wearing her ring.  Sound familiar?  I should have shown grace all along.

And before we ate that afternoon I bowed my head and closed my eyes and said grace silently, not caring that she saw me.  I will walk this life correctly and I will never walk alone, even if my wife doesn't walk it with me.

I married a Christian yet I teeter toward divorce with an atheist.  Our problems began around the same time she rejected Christ.  Do I truly believe my prayers will be answered and that she will be healed?  If so, it should dramatically affect how I act toward her.

Not long after this, God revealed something to me while I was driving.  He gave me a choice.  The Spirit gave me certainty that if I leave my marriage, happiness awaits.  Matthew 19:9 was available.  There is someone else, someone more perfect for me.  Someone far better.  Someone kind and full of the Spirit.  I knew the choice was mine to make.  I also knew somehow that there were no wrong answers in this choice.  However, it meant that my wife would be left with little hope.  After all my prayers for God to take this decision from me, His will is that I make the choice for myself.

Sometimes God says "No," sometimes He says "Go," this time He said "Slow."  I had some more thinking and praying to do.  Thanks for the talk.

A Psalm of Suffering

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Habakkuk 1:2

Why have you brought her back?  To torment me?  I will not curse you for your ways are perfect.

If I lack patience please forgive me.  My perseverance will not fail.  My faith remains strong because of your Spirit.

How long must I wait for my help?  Can't even 1 angel be spared to tell me your will, to ensure my path is straight?

What unseen spiritual battle rages behind the veil?  What purpose do you have with me?  Tell me so that I can endure with a joyful heart.

Make known the happiness that awaits so that my soul can suffer this injustice 1000 times over.

For you work all things together for my good because I love you, and love comes from you.  All things under the sun are vanity without you.

If it be your will that I suffer so be it.  Teach me in my agony, for although grace remains unaccepted and not returned under the sun, you taught me how to be graceful.  Praise the LORD.

I lamented over Jerusalem, but you provided a miraculous path to the Jordan.  Was this your purpose in bringing her back for a time?  Praise the LORD.

I cried out to you over her as Israel cried for a king.  You showed my heart what it was not missing.  Your grace is enough.  All things are made perfect in their time.  Praise the LORD.

Thank you, sovereign God for setting eternity in the hearts of mankind.  Without that glimpse the meanness would be too hard, the coldness too deep, and the rejection too much.

LORD come quickly!  Remember your servant.  I know my help is on the way.  Praise the LORD.

The Mud Run

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.  James 1:12

This photo was taken right before I dove into the water.

The day to run in the mud for Claim Your Campus had finally arrived.  I had not finished the entire Couch to 5K program but I had done over half of it.  I felt in a place physically where I could comfortably run an entire 5K... but this 5K was in the mud and had 16 obstacles.  Still, I wasn't intimidated.  I was excited.  I had no idea what the obstacles would be.

For me, the race served as a metaphor for life.  Some patches of the track were clear and smooth.  However, mud lurked just around the corner.  One of the very first obstacles was a large netted structure that we had to climb 2 stories up and over.  It's just a mountain, I remembered thinking, hurling over it.

Wendy and I after the race.

At the very beginning of the race I felt a twinge in my right foot.  "Oh no," I thought.  Thankfully, my foot only gave me trouble when I had to bend it upward at a 45 degree angle to climb hills.  I gritted and bared it, my thorn in the flesh.  In the race of life we will have our disadvantages and also our advantages.  My endurance, a gift from God, was my advantage and I persevered; I did not tire or grow weary.

When running the race it's best to have a friend to run with you.  I ran the race with Wendy that day.  Wendy had also been there for me during my metaphorical mud.  I hope everyone out there has a friend or two that they can call on when the mud hits the fan no matter what time of day or night.  Thank God for my Small Group; Matt and Tom have received numerous calls from me through my run.  Life's friendships aren't always perfect but we should always be there for our friends when they call.

Life's challenges should never be faced alone.  Most importantly, we need to rely on God.  As I reflect back on this summer, I'm thankful that my wife came home.  It has not been easy and there have been a lot of obstacles.  I'm not sure how our story ends.  I don't know what That Day will look like for her.  Will she stand before God spotless, or covered in mud?  All I can do is rely on God and the help of my friends and family as we pray without ceasing.

There are several verses in Scripture that I keep going back to.  I wrote them below along with the meanings that they have for me.

Let go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6:33

My help is on the way.

My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:2

He loved me first (and died for me) while I was yet a sinner.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

Suffer for His Name.

For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,  Philippians 1:29

Love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind.

He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Luke 10:27

Vengeance belongs to the LORD.  Be patient in waiting; His timing will be perfect.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."  Romans 12:19

Once again, let go.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28


This summer was my hardest ever, but I want to count my blessings as well.  Below is a video of some precious moments with my family.

Enter the Password: 33

My Story

“But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me.  John 15:26

The time had come for me to share my testimony at HomeFront Church for the series entitled "My Story."  The series encompassed 5 weeks and 5 different stories from 5 different Church members.  My story would play on the 3rd week and the theme was "Choice."  The 5 themes of the series were Setting, Hero, Choice, Problem and Happy Ending.  Of the 5 stories that would be told, mine was the only one with an unresolved ending.

We filmed my video about a month out from the sermon that would take place on August 18th, 2013.  I recall driving to the Church to do the recording.  I prayed the whole way there.  I wanted the Holy Spirit to speak so that my testimony would come out right and help others.

Pastor Josh and Phil Griffith (a member of the leadership board and the filmmaker) instructed me.  The camera began recording.  This is the final edit:



After the filming completed Phil prayed with me.  There was something in his prayer that has stuck with me.  He referred to "That day..."  It was as if he had a certainty that for my wife, there would come a day.  I often had my doubts about my wife arriving at "That day."  But, to hear Phil say it with such prayerful conviction gave me hope.

On the day My Story was to be told I brought along my Mom, Dad, sister Tanya, my Small Group (Matt & Tom), Tom's wife Shelly, Holly, Natalie, John, and of course my Church family was there.  We even had members that showed up that had been gone for several weeks.  This wasn't only my story; they had shared in the mud with me.  My Story was told 1 year to the month after my first coming to HomeFront Church.

When the video played I lost it.  It was hard to watch.  It was the first time I had seen it.  Dr. Wendy Balivet, a friend from Church that I always sit near, came over and sat next to me to give me support.  After it played there was a long silence.  It was heavy.  A few "amens" rang out that can't be heard in the video.  I knew right away that it had touched people.  I heard a ton of sniffling.  The sniffling continued for the remainder of the service.

God didn't give me this testimony to embarrass me.  He gave it to me to help others.  He gave it to me because He knew I'd be willing to share it.  I've always been an open book.

It was a long 4 minutes.  It may have been harder on my mom than on me.  She was very angry that I had to go through this betrayal.

As I move closer to my baptism in the Jordan I'm beginning to wonder if the baptism will mark the beginning of something.  I'm not sure what.  It's still a ways off.  I feel like a sword being hammered and burned into shape and the baptism will be the cooling of the blade.  But before I can think about getting into the Jordan I have to get into the mud.  Next week is the Mud Run 5k.

Below is the full Church Service from August 18th, 2013:

Pentecost

You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.'  Acts 2:28




My wife and I set the date of her return to be a month out.  By chance or by grand design, the official day of her return was the day of Pentecost, about 3 months after she had left.  Before that day we spent precious time together and she even spent the night on occasion.  She bought us tickets to a Kenny Chesney concert at Van Andel Arena.  She even bought me a companion book for my Bible entitled, "The Historical Atlas of the Bible."  I explained to her that she did not need to shower me with gifts; she was trying to earn something already won:  my forgiveness for the affair and abandonment.  However, the theological gift held great significance because it displayed her acceptance of me and who I was.  She admitted that while I had not persecuted her for her theology, she had not paid me the same respect.  While out for dinner before the concert she noticed a family saying grace over their meal.  She pointed it out to me with a smile.  She was still an atheist, but she accepted my faith in me.  She even wanted Pastor Josh to renew our vows in the near future.

I should also note that John no longer worked in the same building with her at Notions Marketing, which allowed her to keep that job and me.

In the month prior to my wife's return, I had spent a weekend day on a wine tour with some friends from Church.  We headed south and even hit up the Casino.  At the Casino, I won $100 playing 3 Card Poker (my favorite table game).  $100 represented the down payment needed to secure a spot on the trip to Israel.  During our Church's spring cleaning day I ran into Pastor Josh.  I shared with him my updated testimony.  I also gave him the $100 bill I had won; now that my wife was coming home I could travel to Israel on my birthday in 2014.  Josh asked me if I would be willing to share my story in an upcoming series at Church called "My Story."  I agreed to do it.  I knew this testimony had been given to me to help other people.

I let everyone on Facebook know that my wife was returning via a video I posted called "By Your Side."  Here it is:

Enter the Password: 33


It should have been a red flag, but she kept in contact with John right up until she moved back in.  For 2 weeks things were amazing.  After 2 weeks, my wife's wall came up.  Luckily we were seeing a counselor (we had started seeing her before she moved back in).  The counselor gave me the strength to stand up to my wife on the sexual front.  My wife felt that we should look at porn to learn new things to do.  However, our counselor explained that porn is destructive for marriages.  The counselor let us know that some of the things she was having me do to her were unsafe.  Not to mention, they were things John had done to her.  Sex became very confusing and negative to me.  Pornography gets into your mind like a poison.  It can replace your spouse and be a gateway to an affair.  After John and my wife were found out they stopped sleeping together, even though I was separated from her, because "it was no longer exciting."  That's the thing with pornography, too:  it will never be enough; you'll always want something more.  At least, that's what the counselor explained.  Eventually my wife promised in counseling not to look at it.  Before all this mess I had had no idea she even liked it.  She was more open about it now; she had even mentioned watching a porno in Facebook post.

My wife had always controlled the when, how, and what of intimacy.  I was rejected 90% of the time.  During the affair, I didn't even notice that we were hardly having sex - it wasn't something I requested - it was something she told me it was time for.  The rejection was too much.  I remember one time in our marriage I had told her "no" for once.  I did it to prove a point.  I remember she cried about it.  I stood my ground.  Things improved for a short time after that, but pretty soon she was back to being controlling.  She had always been very controlling, but the counselor and my pastor helped me stand up to her.  No porn.  No threesomes.  No open marriage.  No doing what John did to her.  Of course, that meant my wife said no to sex... period.

There were a couple of times when she saw strange things around our house.  Once, she saw a figure crawling across the ceiling outside our room at night.  On inspection I found nothing.  Another time she saw a figure pass between her and the window at night in our room.  I missed it.  I have no idea what these things were, but I always knew that this was a spiritual battle.

We still had our issues to work out.  She had yet to forgive me for all my failings in the marriage.  And she had not yet forgiven herself.  I had to forgive her for the money that had been wasted due to the affair (in total something well over $6000).  Forgiveness is hard, even when it is a core value in your faith.  I did forgive her, though.  The Lord will provide.

The definition of Grace is as follows:

grace  

/grās/
noun

simple elegance or refinement of movement.
"she moved through the water with effortless grace"
synonyms:  elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse; suppleness, agility, nimbleness, light-footedness
"the grace of a ballerina"

The definition really doesn't do credit to the Christian meaning of the word.  I had prayed for my wife to see God's grace back before any of the mud hit the fan.  Little did I know I still had to learn what grace meant myself.  Grace does not just mean forgiveness.  It also means speaking kindly about my wife to others, even when asking them for their advice concerning negative things that she does.  It's massaging her feet even if she's done wrong to me that day.  It's ignoring the triggers in her personality that bring everything she's done crashing back into my mind.  It's recognizing my role in her mistakes and making changes in myself even if she makes improvements to herself at a slower pace.  It's to love her on days that her love seems so far away.  It's wearing my wedding ring even though she doesn't wear hers.

It's easy to get angry under these circumstances.  I found that if my actions were for myself or for my wife, I would be angry at how out of control the muddy mess was.  But, when I did things for our marriage knowing that they were ultimately for God and His bigger picture, a peace came over me.

When we pray for grace, does God give us grace like an automaton?  Or does God give us the opportunity to be graceful?  I had started reading and performing the book "Love Dare," a 40 day challenge to heal hurting marriages.  Even though a lot of it didn't apply because my wife was not a fellow believer, it was still helpful.  But, to be completely honest, I was doing most of the dares in the book already.  Still, it kept me focused.

My wife had returned.  From time to time she would do something that I would perceive as a wrong directed at me.  I would call my circle of advisers and get their advice.  In the way I asked for that advice I spoke badly of her.  But the Spirit convicted me.  I challenged myself to go an entire week without saying anything bad about her.  The week culminated in our 6 year wedding anniversary.  To be honest, the challenge wasn't even hard; it was beautiful.

God's not finished with me yet.

The Flood

Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.

I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.

I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

Psalm 69:1-3

"Lord, remember your servant!" I had prayed shortly before the flood.  "What ever your will is with my wife, I trust you.  Which ever path you would have me walk, I will walk it.  Just please walk it with us.  Thank you Lord!  Your will be done, your will be done, your will be done!"

I wasn't the only one praying.  Matt and Natalie and Tom were praying.  I had an army of people praying for us at Church.  Pastor Josh was praying for us along with the whole leadership board.

The rain had been coming for a week, maybe 2.  On April 18th, 2013, the lakes, streams, creeks and ponds in West Michigan had had enough.  Water spilled out into yards and streets, flooding basements, blocking roads, and closing businesses.  My house was spared.  It was just high enough, although my neighbor's basement flooded.

This was one of the days that my wife came over to see the kids.  I texted her that my street was marked as closed but to just drive around the barrier because my house had avoided the destruction.  I was nervous, though, about the rising deluge.  I kept checking on the water level and every time I checked I found it a little higher.  I prayed for protection from the flood and for the homes of my neighbors.

"our street"

My wife was quite surprised by what she saw.  When I had told her the road was flooded she was not expecting to find several people kayaking through the streets.  She seemed mesmerized by it.  The rain had slowed to a light sprinkle yet the water seemed to keep pouring in from somewhere.  She wanted to go explore the neighborhood.  She asked me if I wanted to go.  I almost didn't.  I had work to do.  I'm glad I went with her.  We took the 3 kids and went on an adventure.

Josie (left) and Brynn (right)

The kids loved it.  My wife was having fun.  I forgot my troubles.  For a short bit, I forgot that we were no longer a family.  I think my wife did, too.  I say that because she posted a picture on Facebook and called it "our street."  She later corrected herself by answering a question in the comments of the photo by saying "Mike's house."  But, the slip was made.

We returned home and my wife offered to buy pizza from Hungry Howies.  That was where John worked his 2nd job.  Suddenly I remembered we were no longer a family.  I explained that I would never order pizza from there and it hurt me that she would even suggest it.

It was also on this night that my wife admitted to withdrawing her 401k.  We had worked hard to get it up to $8000.  In withdrawing it, she had thrown $3000 straight into the trash to get $5000.  This upset me.  Even though it was her 401k, I had helped earned that $3000 that was now gone.  She said that she needed the money.  I told her that I would come after part of the $5000 during the prosecution.  She became angry with me.  I became angry with the disproportionate amount of money she got out of the split compared to me and the kids.

What had been a great day between the 2 of us was spiraling quickly.  Grace came over me.  I just wanted things to be good.  I wanted her to be happy.  Sobbing, I came up behind her and grabbed her in a hug.  "Let go of me," she ordered.

"You can keep the money," I cried, still holding her.  "I won't come after it.  Are we good?"

"Are we?" she asked back, calmed.

"Yes," I told her.  If I had to pinpoint a moment in which I forgave her the abandonment I felt, I believe it to be right then.

She left that night after we put the kids to bed, like she always did.  I went back to work down in my office.

That night I received a text message from my wife, "Does your family hate me?"

"No," I texted her.  "You gave them 3 beautiful kids."

The texting didn't stop there.  It went on.  As the conversation progressed, it became very clear to me that my wife was missing me.  She wanted to come home.  She felt what I had felt earlier in the day.  I asked if I could call her instead of texting but she wanted to text.  It gave her time to think about her responses.  She was very afraid about making the wrong choice about big decisions.  She told me that she still loved me, that she had never stopped.

She let me know that one of the reasons for the affair, "Was our beautiful beautiful kids."

She texted me, "You are probably wondering what changed."

"Yes," I answered.  "I was waiting for the right moment to ask."

"It's like a fog has been lifted," she answered.

I fell to the ground and worshiped God.  I sang His praises that night.  I had forgotten what happiness felt like.  My wife and I had been separated for 2 months.  I was consumed with joy.  I often wonder what the fog was.  The easy answer would be postpartum depression, however, she had virtually none of the symptoms and even displayed their exact opposite.  She refused to be tested for it.  If I had to guess as to why she refused, I think it's because she feared that she would not be diagnosed with postpartum, and would lose that illness as an excuse for her actions.

"What if I wake up in the morning and I don't feel like this anymore?" she asked me.  "I would hurt you all over again."

"How do I say this -" I answered.  "To have the chance to raise my kids with my wife at my side, to grow old together, to show everyone that we made it through this trial to the other side... that's a chance I'm willing to take."

The next day I awoke to find the water had completely receded.  The flood just up and vanished overnight.  I'm happy to report that when I dropped the kids off to her the next night (a Friday), the fog was still lifted.

Buck Creek became Buck Sea

Run With Me

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

II found myself wondering, "Did God really answer my prayer for more Time?"  Yeah, I had quit all of my hobbies, but I spent all my new time watching the kids and working - other than Friday & Saturday nights.  This didn't feel like more time to make disciples.  Then it dawned on me:  the kids.  I spent more time with my kids than ever before.  Under our current living arrangement we could pray before every meal and before bedtime and pray whenever the Spirit compelled us.  We could blast Christian music and sing and dance together.  There are certain songs my girls love to hear.  They know the words and always join in when songs come on like The Great I Am and 10,000 Reasons and Revelation Song, to name a few.

Other discipleship was afoot as well.  My Friday and Saturday nights were spent interacting with a variety of different people.  Through these interactions, two friendships emerged that stand out.

Matt

Matt & Holly

Matt was originally introduced to me through my wife's circle of friends many years ago.  We saw each other at the annual Halloween Party, and were Facebook friends, but beyond that we were better classified as acquaintances.

Matt's Church performed a play entitled Shadows.  Matt had several tickets and felt compelled by the Spirit to invite me.  The phone call from Matt seemed out of the blue.  I remember him telling me that he had prayed over the tickets to decide who he should give the last one to.  My name was given to him.  It just so happened that my Friday night was free and I agreed to go with him, his girlfriend Holly, and a couple of his roommates.

The play struck a chord in me.  The theme of the play was grace.  It was about a wife who sacrificed her own life to save her non-believing, cheating husband, who would later accept Christ into his heart.  The story jumped back and forth between the 1950's and the time of Christ.  I spent many moments of the play trying to mask my tears as the story unfolded.  In many ways it was my story.  After the play Matt asked me what I thought of it.  I told Matt that I wanted to share my testimony with him.  That night we went back to his place with everyone.  Some other folks came over as well.  A party scene began to emerge.  But, the conversation turned to the Lord and to the play and to some degree, my wife and I.

I did not have my private conversation with Matt that night.  I came back to his place the next night as well.  This was rare for me.  I usually spent each night with a completely new group of people, even week to week.  This time, Matt and I went downstairs and I shared my testimony with him.  I explained how God had moved in my life, how God had answered my prayers to show my wife grace.  Matt was moved.  He told me his story, and how he was walking closer with God now, and how he needed more fellow believers in his life to motivate him.  He would later share my story with Holly's family as well.

From that encounter came several dinners together and the creation of a Small Group that met on Saturdays.  The Small Group included my friend Tom who had originally led me to God when I was in my early teens.

Matt and Holly now attend HomeFront Church.  A few months after this all went down, Matt asked Holly's dad for permission to marry her.  I am to be a groomsman in their wedding.

Natalie

Natalie was also introduced to me through my wife's circle of friends many years ago (the same circle that included Matt).  She had joined the military several years back and had moved away.  But we were Facebook friends, so I was able to see how she was doing.  She had married John, who she met while in the service.  She had two kids and one more on the way.

To set the stage I want to go back in time prior to me finding out about the affair, but after attending HomeFront Church.  Somewhere in the middle there, when I was running high in the Spirit, Natalie began posting on Facebook that she was having doubts about her belief in God.  However, she was coming back from her apostate and posting on Facebook that she was starting to believe again.  Many of her atheist friends were coming after her pretty hard with their posts.

I posted something along the lines of, "It's not a bad thing to have doubts.  I had doubts, too.  Through research and soul searching my faith came out stronger than ever before."

It was a post of light in the midst of many posts of darkness.

Fast forward to May 2013.  Natalie and her husband John are moving back into the neighborhood.  I am sitting in my office working that weekend when I get a Facebook message.  It's from Natalie asking if I could help her and John move stuff from the U Haul Truck up to their apartment.  Like Matt's phone call, this seemed out of the blue.  After so many people had helped me through my mud I get a lot of pleasure in randomly helping other people.  I said yes and came over.

I was the only person helping them move.  Natalie asked me where my wife was.  She had no idea that she had left me.  After moving (and during) I gave Natalie and John my testimony.  They needed a new church to attend now that they had moved.  So, I invited them to HomeFront.

During the first service with Natalie, the guest pastor taught us about Claim Your Campus.  The purpose of this organization reads as follows:  Our organization & strategy is focused on unleashing a generation of young people to bring about a spiritual awakening in America so that we are NEVER THE SAME.

We learned about an upcoming Mud Run 5K.  The money raised would go to Claim Your Campus.  I had never run in a 5K before but I saw it as a chance to contribute to making disciples.  Also, the run through the mud served as a metaphor for my life at the moment and my current "running the race" (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).  I began to train using a program called Couch to 5K.

John and Natalie and our kids taking a walk down Kent Trails

As I run the race of life I praise God for the other believers he has racing alongside me.  Why do I still praise God even though my kids and I are going through a really rough time? I was not put on earth to be happy. I was put on earth to praise God. I could spend my time seeking happiness through sin and maybe find it from time to time. Or, I could spend my time seeking holiness and Christian fellowship.  Then, true joy will come as a byproduct. It's easy to praise God when the sky is blue and the birds are chirping. But, my reason for existing is to exalt Him, no matter what the situation is.  And no matter what that situation may be, God has blessed us with other believers so we do not have to run alone.