The Flood

Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.

I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.

I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

Psalm 69:1-3

"Lord, remember your servant!" I had prayed shortly before the flood.  "What ever your will is with my wife, I trust you.  Which ever path you would have me walk, I will walk it.  Just please walk it with us.  Thank you Lord!  Your will be done, your will be done, your will be done!"

I wasn't the only one praying.  Matt and Natalie and Tom were praying.  I had an army of people praying for us at Church.  Pastor Josh was praying for us along with the whole leadership board.

The rain had been coming for a week, maybe 2.  On April 18th, 2013, the lakes, streams, creeks and ponds in West Michigan had had enough.  Water spilled out into yards and streets, flooding basements, blocking roads, and closing businesses.  My house was spared.  It was just high enough, although my neighbor's basement flooded.

This was one of the days that my wife came over to see the kids.  I texted her that my street was marked as closed but to just drive around the barrier because my house had avoided the destruction.  I was nervous, though, about the rising deluge.  I kept checking on the water level and every time I checked I found it a little higher.  I prayed for protection from the flood and for the homes of my neighbors.

"our street"

My wife was quite surprised by what she saw.  When I had told her the road was flooded she was not expecting to find several people kayaking through the streets.  She seemed mesmerized by it.  The rain had slowed to a light sprinkle yet the water seemed to keep pouring in from somewhere.  She wanted to go explore the neighborhood.  She asked me if I wanted to go.  I almost didn't.  I had work to do.  I'm glad I went with her.  We took the 3 kids and went on an adventure.

Josie (left) and Brynn (right)

The kids loved it.  My wife was having fun.  I forgot my troubles.  For a short bit, I forgot that we were no longer a family.  I think my wife did, too.  I say that because she posted a picture on Facebook and called it "our street."  She later corrected herself by answering a question in the comments of the photo by saying "Mike's house."  But, the slip was made.

We returned home and my wife offered to buy pizza from Hungry Howies.  That was where John worked his 2nd job.  Suddenly I remembered we were no longer a family.  I explained that I would never order pizza from there and it hurt me that she would even suggest it.

It was also on this night that my wife admitted to withdrawing her 401k.  We had worked hard to get it up to $8000.  In withdrawing it, she had thrown $3000 straight into the trash to get $5000.  This upset me.  Even though it was her 401k, I had helped earned that $3000 that was now gone.  She said that she needed the money.  I told her that I would come after part of the $5000 during the prosecution.  She became angry with me.  I became angry with the disproportionate amount of money she got out of the split compared to me and the kids.

What had been a great day between the 2 of us was spiraling quickly.  Grace came over me.  I just wanted things to be good.  I wanted her to be happy.  Sobbing, I came up behind her and grabbed her in a hug.  "Let go of me," she ordered.

"You can keep the money," I cried, still holding her.  "I won't come after it.  Are we good?"

"Are we?" she asked back, calmed.

"Yes," I told her.  If I had to pinpoint a moment in which I forgave her the abandonment I felt, I believe it to be right then.

She left that night after we put the kids to bed, like she always did.  I went back to work down in my office.

That night I received a text message from my wife, "Does your family hate me?"

"No," I texted her.  "You gave them 3 beautiful kids."

The texting didn't stop there.  It went on.  As the conversation progressed, it became very clear to me that my wife was missing me.  She wanted to come home.  She felt what I had felt earlier in the day.  I asked if I could call her instead of texting but she wanted to text.  It gave her time to think about her responses.  She was very afraid about making the wrong choice about big decisions.  She told me that she still loved me, that she had never stopped.

She let me know that one of the reasons for the affair, "Was our beautiful beautiful kids."

She texted me, "You are probably wondering what changed."

"Yes," I answered.  "I was waiting for the right moment to ask."

"It's like a fog has been lifted," she answered.

I fell to the ground and worshiped God.  I sang His praises that night.  I had forgotten what happiness felt like.  My wife and I had been separated for 2 months.  I was consumed with joy.  I often wonder what the fog was.  The easy answer would be postpartum depression, however, she had virtually none of the symptoms and even displayed their exact opposite.  She refused to be tested for it.  If I had to guess as to why she refused, I think it's because she feared that she would not be diagnosed with postpartum, and would lose that illness as an excuse for her actions.

"What if I wake up in the morning and I don't feel like this anymore?" she asked me.  "I would hurt you all over again."

"How do I say this -" I answered.  "To have the chance to raise my kids with my wife at my side, to grow old together, to show everyone that we made it through this trial to the other side... that's a chance I'm willing to take."

The next day I awoke to find the water had completely receded.  The flood just up and vanished overnight.  I'm happy to report that when I dropped the kids off to her the next night (a Friday), the fog was still lifted.

Buck Creek became Buck Sea