Who Am I?

Here I am adventuring out on the frozen surface of Lake Michigan.

I have chosen between two paths: I chose divorce.  God made clear to me that there was no wrong answer in either choice.  The Enemy prowls around like a lion, ready to devour me with his lies.  He'll whisper, "You chose the wrong path!"  The truth is that I'm NOT off the path God has laid before me.  The truth is that I need to embrace this new path!  I need to own it!

When I say The Enemy I am not necessarily speaking of Satan.  Satan is not omnipresent.  It could be Satan that whispers in my ear, but more than likely it is one of his fallen angels.  I'm not speaking of audible voices, but rather a sense of doubt.  I have no doubt there is a spiritual battle being waged behind the scenes in all of our lives.  Lest you think there are no more battles to be fought, think again!  There is an enemy and he looks for opportunities to strike.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  -1 Peter 5:8

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  -James 4:7

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.  -Ephesians 6:11-12

But God sends his good angels to help:
And Elisha prayed, "Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.  -2 Kings 6:17

What would we see if God opened our eyes to the spiritual battle raging around us?

There are days when negative thoughts dominate my head.  I try many things to defeat them.  I turn to prayer, the Word, to focusing on the beautiful (Philippians 4:8).  The battle rages on.  If there were a switch I could flip to stop all bitterness and sorrow, I would have long since flipped it.  This is my battle.  What is yours?

Whatever it is, know that you are not alone if you built your faith on a firm foundation (Matthew 7:24-27).  We cannot escape life's storms but we must stand firm.  If I had not had a firm foundation when my storm hit I would surely be in a far worse situation; I shudder to think to what extent.

One way I have found to win the battle is to avoid my ex-wife as much as possible.  Now, I say "as much as possible" because we have 3 beautiful kids together.  But, that doesn't mean we need linger when exchanging the kids.  We may have to attend conferences together, for example, but that doesn't mean we are around each other unnecessarily.  Times that I am near my ex-wife are times that I am most vulnerable to The Enemy's whispers.  I forgive her.  That does not mean I want to see her or be around her for any longer than I have to.  I have learned to not make eye contact with her.  This is what "I love you" but "I don't like you" feels like.  It's not pleasant.  But, she started texting me at night, asking how my relationship with Jen is going.  No.  I had to be rude.  We do not text each other unless it has to do with pertinent issues concerning the children.  I can only guess at her intentions in asking such a question.  I need distance to heal.  Forgiveness does not mean we put ourselves in vulnerable positions.  We can still forgive others while protecting ourselves from getting hurt.  Not long after those text messages she officially started dating John.  I have no doubt she is very lonely.

However your new relationship with your ex is defined it is important to never interfere with their relationship with the kids.  It's important to set boundaries for your relationship with your ex, but the kids must be carefully protected to ensure a healthy relationship with both the custodial and non-custodial parent.  In other words:  always be the bigger person.  But please, do not confuse this with having a relationship with no boundaries with your ex.  For example, I had to be firm in defining what were appropriate and unnecessary text messages.  Needless text chatter seriously interferes with the healing process.

I am at a transition in my life.  I had been one flesh with my wife (whether she believes it or not).  Now, by the power of God alone, I am no longer one flesh with her.  It's a great mystery.  In a previous blog post I had shown a picture representing my 3 covenants.  Now, only 1 remains:  my promise in Christ.  I am divorced and honorably discharged from military service.

I began to ask myself, "Who am I?"  So, on Ash Wednesday, I began a 40 day fast.  I gave up lunch each day and used that time instead to begin a Harmony of the Gospels.  A Harmony of the Gospels is a daily reading plan that takes you through the gospels.  Any events that appear in multiple gospels are read on the same day.  Each day before my reading I prayed that the Holy Spirit would guide me through His word and answer the question, "Who am I in Christ?"  After each reading I reflected on this question.

I need to be intentional about answering this question.  I need to be intentional because The Enemy seeks to answer it for me.  "Mike, you're a failure.  You were a bad husband.  There is no God.  There is no justice.  You waste your time.  You're a good looking guy, you should be out sleeping around like she did.  She's right.  She has it figured out."  You see, The Enemy knows my greatest fear:  that my ex-wife is right.  That it's okay to lie and cheat and live a hedonistic lifestyle, that there's no God at all.  How many of us file through life believing the Father of Lies?

I face 3 opponents.  One is the The Enemy and the other 2 I will touch on in my next 2 posts.  I feel lately like I am besieged by these 3 opponents on all sides.  When battling these 3 opponents it helps to realize which one of the 3 I'm up against.  Knowing my opponent helps me battle that opponent with the correct tool.  How did Jesus combat the devil when he was being tempted in the wilderness?  He quoted scripture (Luke 4:1-13).  I must use the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17).

Jen is very helpful in pointing me toward truth about myself from God's word.  From time to time she sends me verses pertaining to who I am in Christ.  If you are a child of Christ, these things apply to YOU, too!  Isn't this amazing?

I am Redeemed to perfect alignment with God.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace  -Ephesians 1:7

And through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,  -Colossians 1:20-22

I have a reason to be.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  -1 Peter 2:9

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  -Colossians 3:12

I am rooted and grounded in God's love.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  -Ephesians 3:14-21

I have access to the peace of Christ within me.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance. The Lord be with you all!  -2 Thessalonians 3:16

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.  -John 14:27

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."  -John 16:33

When The Enemy whispers his lies I can defeat him with the words above.  In one hand we must hold the Sword of the Spirit, and in the other the Shield of Faith to protect against doubt.  Let The Enemy's lies (flaming arrows) hit the shield instead of your heart.  I don't always see a way out of this brokenness I feel.  Having faith means that I hang onto His Name and trust Him.  The Enemy wants me to doubt God's power and let go of His promises.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  -Ephesians 6:16

Some of us are called to be evangelists, some teachers, others apostles or pastors.  Some are prophets.  When we think of prophets we sometimes automatically assume people that can see the future.  The prophets in the Bible were chosen to deliver God's message.  Their job isn't always to see the future, but to make us uncomfortable, to deliver a message without sugar coating it.  I think I identify most with the prophets.  The prophets were not popular.  At times they must have felt pretty broken, holding onto their Shield of Faith in the midst of heartache.  Remember Elijah?

while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”  -1 Kings 19:4-8

James reminds us in James 5:17 that "Elijah was a human being, even as we are."  God constantly uses flawed, ordinary people just like you and I to accomplish His purposes.

I'm an ordinary man.  I'm flawed.  I've been redeemed.  I'm loved by God.  I have a purpose.  I have a broken heart but it's still beating.  I have access to Christ for everything I need.  I have the promise that one day all my tears will be wiped away.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  -Revelation 21:4

As for The Enemy...  I've read the last page of the Bible.  He loses.