With John in the picture I have new worries to turn into prayers. This is the man my ex-wife mere months ago said, "is a bad person." Not my words, hers. This is the man she alleged to be a felon. Not my words, hers. And now he gets weekly access to my kids. There's nothing I can do about this arrangement other than prayer. I had to do some careful introspection to make sure I was not Judging. As Christians we are not to judge, but Matthew 7:1-5 is also a very abused set of verses. So many times I have seen Christians use it to actually justify sin. Take a look at verses 6 of that same chapter:
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. -Matthew 7:6
Sounds a little "judgey" doesn't it? We are not to condemn others, or be overly critical. We are however, as Christians, called to use discernment.
But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. -Hebrews 5:14
I had to make sure my concerns about John were not judgmental. I had some good conversations with my Small Group and a long talk with Pastor Josh. They shared my same concerns over my kids being around an alleged felon. Yes, The Fallen World requires our discernment, especially when it comes to our little ones. For the tougher questions we face it's great to have a circle of advisers.
It has been suggested to me by a friend that I hire a private investigator to alert the company he allegedly laundered from. That would get him away for the kids for the 5 year prison sentence if he were convicted. I'm not going to lie, I thought hard about it. But, it's really not my style. I have, however, enlisted my prayer warriors.
One of my prayer warriors is Jen. It's amazing having a strong Christian woman by my side. She is a source of encouragement and advice. I can trust her to give me an honest answer to the questions that ail me. On a side note, she caught the bouquet at Matt and Holly's wedding. No, we are not rushing into marriage. I just thought it was pretty cool. What was even cooler was having a front row seat to the covenant ceremony between two good friends. The wedding was at HomeFront Church and was officiated by Pastor Josh. It was an absolute honor to be one of Matt's groomsmen. When Holly entered in her wedding dress she was beautiful, but Josh and I stole a glance at Matt's expression. He was awestruck. I wish them all the best. They will need it. Marriage in this Fallen World is very hard.
Matt and Holly chose verses from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 for their ceremony:
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I feel the same way about having Jen's support. She, I and our God make a pretty powerful cord. My ex-wife and I had been missing that 3rd strand. Matt and Holly are a prime example of doing marriage the right way with Christ at the center. If only more marriages in The Fallen World approached the covenant this way. Marriage and the family are under attack in The Fallen World. States seek to redefine the marriage sacrament, but, they truly have no authority over the matter. God alone can make a man and a woman one flesh. For that matter, God alone can tear that covenant asunder.
While the exact divorce rate is hard to pinpoint it is far too common. I would dare say that almost everyone's expectation of marriage and family life is vastly different from what comes true. WARNING: if your solution to that is to cheat, you may find yourself living with your parents paying half of your check to child support. I love how marriages magically "have problems" when a spouse meets another person and the grass looks greener on the other side. Oh, I'm sure he "understood" her. Maybe he even "cared" about her marriage. Reality check: it's not greener, water your lawn. Otherwise you can look forward to having a talk with your kids about why you can't live with them anymore. In addition, it would seem that my ex-wife has lost many of her former friends.
Stats on divorce are hard to get exact but here are some numbers from http://affairadvice.wordpress.com/
1. Depending on which sources I found, it’s estimated that only 1%-10% of married men who have affairs end up leaving their spouses and marrying their affair partners (I haven’t found a stat for married women). I don’t know the validity of these stats, but they feel like they are probably right.
2. Over 75% who marry partners they were in an affair with eventually divorce. (Of course, this isn’t much higher than the divorce rate for any second marriage. Still, it’s sobering).
3. 80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision.
So putting that together, it doesn’t look so good. For every 100 people who have an affair, anywhere from 1-10 of them will marry their Affair Partner. Of those, statistics say that 75% will divorce within 5 years. So that means, MAYBE 1-3 out of 100 live “happily ever after” with their affair partner after leaving their spouse.
Before she started sleeping with John our marriage was not perfect but it wasn't bad either. I recognized that, despite wanting children, she seemed to resist the domestic lifestyle. If you think your marriage is better right now than mine was before she fell into lust you may be fooling yourself. Let me assure you that I was blindsided. When I rededicated my life to my faith, my wife noticed a change in me. God became the new #1 in my life, not her. What she failed to recognize, however, was that by me putting God 1st she herself was actually in a better position. Let me explain. Whereas before I came to my then wife for my affirmation, I instead came to her with my affirmation. She lost an element of control over me that I had handed over to God. She should have recognized the benefit in this, but alas, we live in The Fallen World. One thing I have said to Jen is that I do not want to come to her for my strength, but rather, come to her with strength. She likes the sound of that.
Jen is different in other ways from my ex-wife and I need to accept that. I'm getting better, but sometimes I am hesitant to let Jen help me around the house, specifically with the kids. I have a fear that the domestic situation will off-put her like it did my ex-wife. However, the more I let her help me with the kids the more I realize that I am wrong. She WANTS the domestic family lifestyle. She DESIRES to be a mom.
At Matt & Holly's wedding, my sister Mindy asked if I would be willing to say the blessing over the meal at her wedding which was a month away. I agreed. It moved me that she would think of me for such a task. This re-dedication to my faith has brought about persecution, too. I felt it from my then wife, and I feel it from some I once called close friends. At times I feel hated by The Fallen World. Paul warned us about this. Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, -2 Timothy 3:12 But, I am a changed man thanks to the Holy Spirit and it encourages me to know that those around me notice the change.
Jordan's (my now brother-in-law's) bachelor party was an all-day event including pool, dinner, and hopping around to local breweries. It was fun even though I only knew a few people. The party's last stop was my house. We arrived around 10 PM. The party kept going and going. I made it a priority to keep people fed, entertained, and mix their drinks at the bar. As the night wore on I began to wear out. I snuck away to my room for about 20 minutes. This must have been around 3 AM. I spent some time in prayer. "Lord, what are all these people doing in the house? Is there something you need me to do?"
Soon after my time of prayer the party began to wind down. The last of the guys either left or fell asleep in my house, except for myself and one other person. He noticed the things around my house and conjectured that I was a man of faith. He opened up to me, sharing questions about his walk with Christ, and telling me about some bad experiences at his Church growing up. He shared about his long distance relationship with his dad and how he had assumed the role of 'man of the house.' He had been cheated on by his girl, too, but was now with someone else. He kept accidentally swearing and then apologizing to me. I told him that it's all right. I did appreciate that he recognized my "salt & light" (Matthew 5:13-16). I wanted to hear about his walk with Christ.
We talked about the story of Abraham and Isaac. He had a hard time accepting that story. I took the opportunity to share my feelings about the Old Testament, and that story in particular, and how everything in the Old Testament points toward the cross, and everything after the gospels points back to the cross. Some Bible scholars think that Jesus was crucified on the same hill Abraham took Isaac. God had promised to make Abraham's offspring as numerous as the stars in the sky.
The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” -Genesis 22:15-18
And then what happens? The Jewish people form a nation out of Abraham's descendants. And, out of those numerous stars, a single star appears.
When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. -Matthew 2:10-11
Yes, Abraham thought he would have to sacrifice his only son. But he didn't. God provided the offering.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. -John 3:16
He had never thought of the story in terms of Jesus and it changed his whole opinion on it. To make a difference in this Fallen World we must wear our Helmet of Salvation (Ephesians 6:17). We are saved because of who we know. Our knowledge of God can help reach others. We must exercise our spirituality like we would exercise our physical body, in fact more so.
For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. -1 Timothy 4:8
I did not get to sleep until 6:45 AM that night / morning, but it was worth it. I appreciate when God gives me assignments. Don't miss them!
I recall recently being at a funeral. Someone from Church had a father pass away. As I was talking to her before the funeral she pointed out her son that she had not seen in years due to a falling out. Her son had come to the funeral to pay his respects to his fallen grandpa. Later, after the funeral, he had went outside. She expressed a desire to go and talk with her son. I offered, "Do you want me to have your back?" "Yes," she said very emphatically. Long story short I was standing in the parking lot next to a mother and her son holding each other in tears. Don't miss these opportunities.
At my sister Mindy's wedding I felt a slew of emotions that had escaped me during Matt and Holly's wedding. I'm not sure why, but I felt a sadness. Sometimes we can't really explain why certain emotions sneak up on us. My two daughters, Josie and Brynn, were flower girls in the wedding and they were absolutely beautiful. After the ceremony their mother came and picked them up. For some reason it was extra hard to see her that day. At the reception I found myself excusing myself and walking around outside. I almost missed the wedding party entrance because I was off in prayer. When it came time to do the blessing over the meal, the microphone was handed to me. The most experience I had ever had with this type of prayer was over the dinner table, but this prayer was in front of over one hundred people.
After I finished I was surprised by the amount of people that came up and said that they thought the prayer was very well done. I don't know, maybe that's normal after people give the blessing but I had never experienced it. I give thanks to the Holy Spirit. It meant a lot that my sister had asked me to do it.
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| On the day of my sister's wedding Jen was a bridesmaid in another wedding. I snuck over to see her. |
and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. -Ephesians 6:15
If we are to make a difference in this Fallen World, it won't be enough to just wear our Helmet of Salvation. We must get out and use it. Fit your feet with the Shoes of Readiness and share the gospel. This is not an option. Christ commanded it in the Great Commission (notice it's not called the Great Suggestion).
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, -Matthew 28:19
Not everyone in the Fallen World will want to hear your message. If they don't want to hear it shake the dust off your sandals and find someone that's ready to accept the good news. However, never stop praying for those who do not accept it.
So now you know 2 of our 3 opponents. You have the Sword of the Spirit and the Shield of Faith to stave off The Enemy. You've added the Helmet of Salvation and the Shoes of Readiness to impact The Fallen World. Know who the battle is against and fight accordingly and courageously. You know what I think is one of the most misused Bible verses in Scripture? Check it out:
But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. -Matthew 5:39
Notice that Jesus tells us to offer the other cheek once more and not forever. Let's reason this. Is the same God that empowered Samson to kill 1000 men with the jawbone of a donkey (Judges 5:16), who created a whip to straighten out the Temple court (John 2:15), who gave us the green light to strike dead someone breaking into our house at night (Exodus 22:2) - that God, commanding us to be push-overs? No. When my then wife returned for 5 months there were times that I stood up to her like never before. I told her, "Don't talk to me like that," and "You can't say that to me anymore." It felt right to stand up for myself - finally. It felt like I had taken back some level of control she had stolen from me. When you're facing The Fallen World be ready to use discernment, rely on prayer, have a circle of advisers, have a knowledge of Scripture, defend truth, and LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES. During the battle don't forget to get your affirmation from God and not the world. If you have time read the entirety of Romans Chapter 1 to see what you're up against. Be courageous because you have Someone inside you who has overcome the world.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33
"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway."
-John Wayne
"Every man dies, not every man really lives."
-William Wallace
"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks Mike "for having my back". I believe God put Homefront church and all the people in it that i now consider my church family. I hope one day to have as much faith and forgiveness as every one there does
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