Today we dress in long pants, not because it's cold, but because we will be visiting several holy sites (we aren't allowed to show our knees). We will walk the path of Jesus from the Last Supper to Golgotha ("Place of the Skull"). I make the decision to take fewer pictures today and be more reserved. Jesus suffered greatly on the path I'm about to walk. He was the same age as I, 33.
Today is also the Shabbat, which started at nightfall yesterday and lasts until nightfall today. Since no work is allowed on the Shabbat, and apparently pushing elevator buttons is considered work, there is a Shabbat Elevator in the hotel. The elevator automatically stops at each floor back and forth. Thankfully I did not accidentally ride this elevator because our building is very tall. Another culture shock was that wine was served at breakfast.
The Last Supper
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| Pastor Flick teaches outside the traditional location of the Upper Room. |
By now I am deep into my trip overseas and I am missing my loved ones immensely. I miss Josie and her drive to have everything in the correct spot. I miss Brynn and the sweet love she shows to everyone. I miss James and how he tells me, "No!" when he needs a diaper change. And I miss Jen and her little quirks, like the way she holds her hand at her forehead when she's trying to remember something.
I love them, but I had been able to love anyone that God put in front of me. Oh, how I miss being able to love others fully. Recall that when I first met John, before I knew anything, I had loved him. But a wall has been up ever since I woke up to the truth about my then wife. The wall prevents me from showing that kind of love anymore. When Jesus was on earth He modeled life by serving out of love. God is love. He washed his disciple's feet in the Upper Room (John 13:1-17). Oh, to be able to love like Jesus was able to love others. Not long ago I wanted to show my love to Jen so I washed her feet. I think it meant a lot to her. I desire to live a life of love and to love life.
When Pastor Flick finishes delivering his message we receive news that the doors to the Upper Room have been unlocked. Our group files upstairs and spends a short while here. This isn't the true Upper Room; I consider the meaning behind the place rather than the place. This day is more than just about visiting historical sites.
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The House of Caiaphas
As we make the trek to the house of the High Priest Caiaphas we pass by several "graves" (see below) of High Priests. I imagine Jesus walking passed these giant tombs, under arrest by soldiers. Jesus spent much of His ministry fighting the religious establishment. As Jesus walked to His death He would have been reminded by these tombs that the High Priests considered themselves to be like pharaohs.
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| A High Priest's Tomb |
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| Outside the House of Caiaphas is the courtyard where Peter warmed himself. |
After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.”
He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.”
Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
-Mark 14:70b-72
We arrive at the House of Caiaphas. Juda makes it a point to express that this truly is the real House of Caiaphas. Since Juda has done a great job up until now of pointing out the untrue locations I consider his opinion to be credible. One reason Juda is convinced is because the cistern in the house has been turned into a holding cell. Juda points to the Broken Cistern Prophesy in Jeremiah.
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| "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. -Jeremiah 2:13 |
By this point in the Walk of Christ, his friends have abandoned him. Peter has denied him. Jesus is mocked, spit on and beaten. What a long night it would have been in this place for Jesus. Jesus knows what's coming - his crucifixion and bearing the wrath of God. While Jesus is thinking about these things he is not sitting comfortably in a cell, rather, his hands and feet are bound and he is hung in a standing position. It is in this place that we solemnly read Psalm 88.
Lord, you are the God who saves me;
day and night I cry out to you.
May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.
I am overwhelmed with troubles
and my life draws near to death.
I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like one without strength.
I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.
You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
Your wrath lies heavily on me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.
Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do their spirits rise up and praise you?
Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction?
Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?
But I cry to you for help, Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
darkness is my closest friend.
-Psalm 88
In the silence that follows the reading of this Psalm I think of all that God has done for me. If he had only done what he did here and on the cross that would have been enough. His grace is enough. But God keeps raining down His blessings on me. I remember the voice of my daughter Josie, "Daddy, when is God going to fix your heart?" God is healing my heart on this trip. His timing is perfect. His will is sovereign. Why does He heal me? What love is this that you give and give and give some more? I think about how loudly I will praise his Name one day amongst the angels.
As we are leaving the House of Caiaphas we pass by another group that has just arrived. I notice that my former co-worker Diane is amongst the group. I knew she was in Israel but I didn't think I'd actually run into her. It was a fun moment to share, running into her here. I think of Jen in this moment because we often play a game when we go out somewhere: the first person who runs into someone they know wins. Well, how do you top running into someone you know in the House of Caiaphas?
The Praetorium
After leaving the House of Caiaphas, the hand crafted jewelry merchant several of us had ordered from returns to us with the items he has been working on the last couple of days. I receive my ring with the Hebrew inscription "Where you go I will follow." How fitting that I receive this item while on the Path of Christ. Where you go I will follow, and I'm following your path. The day before I laid my wedding ring in the Wailing Wall, and today I have a new ring to wear. Once again God is using symbolism to speak to me because he knows that is what my heart responds to. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by all that God is and does that I can't even handle it.
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We enter the prison where Pilate had Jesus held. Inside, Juda teaches us that Roman soldiers played a cruel game with their prisoners called "King Game." This game used carved paving stone on the floor as spaces. A soldier played against a prisoner using dice. The goal of the soldier was to move the king piece to the tower so as to execute him. If the prisoner won, they got to live another day. If the soldier won, it was time for the prisoner to die. It is quite possible that Jesus was forced to play this game - and intentionally lost. Jesus was in control the whole time.
Via Dolorosa
The Via Dolorosa is the route believed to have been taken by Jesus through Jerusalem to Calvary. This is where my savior carried his cross. I cannot even begin to know what he suffered.
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In Isaiah 53 Christ's rejection, suffering, and intercession was prophesied. That scroll was found in Qumran and was likely written before Jesus walked the earth as a man. As I walk this path I think about why God is telling such an intricate story. This story is not so much about the What and the Where as it is about the Why. So then Why? Why did he bare the cross? It's been 2000 years, I'm probably walking 33 feet above the Whats and the Wheres anyway. God has brought me in on His story - by unveiling Israel to me - that's how intricate His story is. As Christians, we are all a part of the body of Christ and we each have our role (1 Corinthians 12:12-31). God has a plan for me and my family. What's the Why? I'm the Why! He bore the cross because I am the joy set before him. You are the Why! Don't get me wrong, seeing these locations has been amazing. But, if I miss the Why I've missed everything. Jesus did this for us because he loves us. He wants us to have life in abundance - eternal life.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. -Hebrews 12:1-3
The Garden Tomb
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| They came to a place called Golgotha (which means "the place of the skull"). There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots. And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. -Matthew 27:33-36 |
This had been God's plan all along - the cross.
And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." -Genesis 3:15
This was God's plan for me all along. What seems like a long time ago I had rededicated my life and prayed for 2 things: more time to make disciples and for my then wife to experience the grace of God. To answer these prayers He had to lead me to the cross. So here I stood in the Garden Tomb next to the Place of the Skull where Jesus was crucified. Our group sat together in the garden near Jesus' tomb and Pastor Mike began to teach. His message was on forgiveness. Pastor Mike stressed that forgiveness is NOT free. It's not free - but we do not have to pay the price. Jesus paid our ransom. Pastor Mike spoke about how perhaps we may have been severely wronged and today we sit buried under the weight of that wrong. It was as if he was speaking directly to me. "Perhaps you think 'I can't forgive you, it hurts too much'," Pastor Mike spoke into my heart.
It was time to be honest with myself. I had told my ex-wife that I forgave her - for the affair, for the financial loss, for the abandonment, for the effect on the kids. But had I really? I had meant what I said when I said it. "I forgive you," I had told her many times. I wasn't lying. I wanted it to be true. But then what is this bitterness I have in my heart? Why do I want to see her suffer and hurt like me? Why do I want John to cheat on her? Why do I want her life to tumble into a miserable pile of defeat under the weight of what she did? Because even though I wanted to forgive her I had not yet done so. How many times have I prayed to God over the last year and a half, "Lord, please take away this bitterness. Please clear my mind of these thoughts that roll around in my head. I can't get rid of them without you! I hate them. Please take away my burden." But my prayers were not answered. The bitterness sits there like an anchor caught in the mud. If it was a switch I could just turn off I would. Bitterness is such a burdensome emotion. It prevents one from loving and laughing and living.
I lean over to Kenric who is sitting next to me, tears pouring down my face, "Kenric, I haven't forgiven her." Communion is brought out and set before our group. "Now's the time," I tell him.
I walk up and pick up the elements, including a little olive wood chalice filled with juice. We have already been told that we get to keep the cup to take home with us. We all return to our seats.
God has surprised me with this one. I knew I was going to get baptized in the Jordan. I knew I was going to place my wedding ring in the Wailing Wall. But I did not see this coming. Just yesterday I had prayed for God to take away my burden. I had written the prayer on a note and wrapping it around my wedding ring and placed the prayer inside the Wailing Wall. It was a prayer I had prayed many, many times. God's timing is perfect. It is time for that prayer to at long last be answered. The time to release my ex-wife from her debt is here.
As I take the bread I think of Jesus' beaten body and his great suffering for me. I don't deserve to be forgiven by God, but He went to great lengths to make me right with Him. He forgave me. My ex-wife does not deserve my forgiveness. What she did was far too unimaginably awful. But I am going to forgive her anyway. As I drink from the chalice I think of the blood of Christ that washes me clean as if I have never sinned. I likewise think of my forgiveness for my ex-wife, and also for John. I drink in my forgiveness for both of them.
I feel light, like I can float away. The burden washes away. At long last it washes away! I didn't realize how heavy the burden truly was until it is gone. Whatever these shoulders were carrying, it is gone. I love my ex-wife. And I also love John - again. My heart drowns in love as I forgive both of them. The last time I felt this way, this much love, was before I knew about the affair, at the Winter Walk, when I was full of the Spirit and loving everyone God put in front of me. At the Winter Walk we sang the song "10,000 Reasons" when it was time to gather together. And now, right after communion, Pastor Flick leads us all in singing "10,000 Reasons." Hello God.
As a group we stand and begin walking toward the Place of the Skull. Kenric asks, "Did you forgive her?"
I smile, "Yes."
"Can I pray for you?" he asks.
"Of course," I smile.
As we walk he places his arm around me and prays. When we get to the place where our tour guide is going to speak next I can't sit down. Everyone is sitting but I am standing. I'm so light and free. The Holy Spirit moves in me and tells me what I am to do: I am to give the wooden chalice, which I drank the forgiveness from, to John. Yes, to the man who ruined my family, took my wife and left me broken. To him I would give this cup. The revelation surprises me and also fills me with great joy. What forgiveness is this that I am able to do such a thing? I love John and I want him to have it.
Next the group walks through the garden to the tomb that once held Christ's body. We take turns going in. Mark and I go in together. Nope, Christ isn't in here. Hallelujah, he's not in here!
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| I exit the Garden Tomb. In my right hand I'm holding the olive wood chalice. |
At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there. -John 19:41-42
When I come out of the tomb I find Pastor Josh, "Hey, can I talk to you back at the hotel? I want to tell you what's been happening."
As the buses leave some of our group decides to travel to the Old City to do some shopping while others go back to the hotel. I'm ready to go home.
As I talk to Josh back at the hotel he tells me, "Some people have come on this trip because they want to See. But it's never been that for you, not even in the beginning. This has been more than turning your Bible into a comic book. As we've gone to locations, people will go check it out for themselves, but then they'll come up to me and ask how is Mike doing / what is he feeling / experiencing?"
"I hope one day I can be as encouraging to my Church family as they have been to me through this trial," I tell him.
Josh shakes his head, "I can tell you that it's been the other way around."
This night will be our last in a hotel room. After tomorrow's explorations we will be hopping on a plane and heading home. So, we gather as a group in one of the hotel's conference rooms. We discuss the plans and details about tomorrow, our last day in Israel. We learn that we get to sleep in tomorrow morning.
Mark, who's sitting next to me, says, "I have to tell you something up in the room. It's for selective ears." I'm intrigued.
The group now has a chance to share testimonies. A few of us speak, including me. As briefly as I can I explain what God had done for me the last two days, both at the Wailing Wall and at the Garden Tomb. When I tell everyone that my burden is gone they applaud their praise to God.
Pastor Flick gets up in front of the group. I have never told him anything about the loss of my ability to love everyone put in front of me. Yet, the words that come out of his mouth are, "I want us to go around the group, and just give each other a hug, and tell them you love them." Hello God.
With joy in my heart, I walk the room. Going up to people, some I know, some I don't, I look them straight in the eye and truthfully say, "I love you." Then I fold my arms around them. Bitterness no longer defines my feelings, the love of Christ does. Thank you God.
As I'm embracing someone I don't know she tells me, "Your story has really inspired someone here."
"Really?" I smile. I have no idea who.
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| On our last night in Israel we take a picture of our team. From left to right: Mark, Myself, Christine, Jordan, Pastor Flick & Pastor Josh. |
The sun has set and the Shabbat is over. Mark and I head up to our room.
"So what is this top secret thing you had to tell me?" I ask him.
"Flick and Josh are going to try to get up onto the Temple Mount tomorrow morning," he explains. "Do you want to go?"
"The Muslim controlled Temple Mount?" I ask him. "Yes. How?"
So much for sleeping in.
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