Our 5 Churches encircled Pastor Mike. A meeting had been called in the terminal of the Detroit Airport and 60 pilgrims stood in rapt attention. “I’m sorry,” he told us. “The trip has been cancelled.”
***
I sit on a couch across from my two new counselors (a married couple). These are different counselors from the one my then wife and I had been seeing. So far, Ryan has been doing most of the talking. His wife, Nicole, interjects from time to time. She is 100% blind in both eyes.
“So Mike,” Ryan asks me. “What do you hope to accomplish from these meetings?”
“I’ve lost over a year of my life to depression,” I begin. “I also struggle with anxiety. I realized that I cannot do this on my own. The depression has been growing worse rather than better. The Spirit led me to call my doctor and call Beacon of Hope.”
***
I awake the morning of my trip with a giant smile. The greatest adventure of my life is about to begin. My alarm is not set to go off for another half hour but I am far too excited to sleep. I get up and get ready with plenty of time to spare. I decide to do my devotional along Kent Trails. I head out the door with a mug of coffee and my blue tooth headset on. For the next half hour I take in the wisdom of Pastor Chuck Swindoll as he delivers a sermon on authority. His words ring with truth.
I pray to God for safety in our coming travel. I pray that we may be a sponge and soak up as much information as He will allow. I pray for a Spiritual fire to awaken within us as we travel to the land where the Scriptures were written. I then head home, hop in my van, and bid farewell to my home.
At HomeFront Church there’s an energy in the air – an excitement. Something very special is about to take place. Pastor Josh checks me in, “Mike, can I ask you a favor? Can you be a team leader?”
“Sure,” I say. “What does that involve?”
Josh explains that I will be in charge of giving the thumbs up to ensure our six member team is accounted for from time to time. I look at who is on my team and smile. I see my good friend Mark, Josh himself, Flick (the Pastor from “Everyday Life” church), myself and 2 people that I have not met (Christine and Jordan).
From here we carpool to another Church, “Banner of Christ.” We receive our itinerary, have some more coffee, pray over the group, and then load onto a large bus. We need to pick up the folks from Kilpatrick, Sun Field, and Everyday Life.
From here it’s off to the Detroit airport.
***
My counselor Ryan looks over the results of the quiz I have just taken.
“According to this,” he tells me. “You are in the 99th percentile for anxiety among males.”
I sit across from him on the couch, hunched over, my leg shaking frantically.
Nicole cuts in, “Mike, what thoughts trigger your anxiety?”
“Nothing triggers it,” I explain. “I am anxious all of the time. I’m never not anxious.”
“What thoughts run through your mind when you’re feeling most anxious?” Ryan asks.
I think hard. “I think of them together.” I don’t tell Ryan, but by saying ‘them together’ I mean my ex-wife having sex with John.
Ryan looks directly at me, “Mike, I am going to paint a nightmare for you.” I tense up. “I am going to describe a scene, and we are going to help you through it with a breathing exercise.”
Ryan then instructs me on the correct way to breathe to get through a panic attack. Then, he asks me to close my eyes…
“You’re in a movie theatre,” Ryan describes. “You’re eating your popcorn. The movie is about to start. Suddenly you notice that two rows in front of you your ex-wife sits with the man she cheated on you with. They haven’t seen you but you can see them.”
***
“What are you doing?” my ex-wife demands angrily.
The kids are on the porch, excited to see their mother.
“Aren’t you taking the kids back to your parents’ house?” I ask.
“No, I told you, I will watch them here,” she retorts. “I don’t have gas money to drive them back and forth.”
“In my house?” I’m confused, taking in this sudden surprise. Apparently I have misread her text message. “Never mind then, I can take them with me.”
“Where are you going, anyway?” my ex-wife asks.
“To the doctor,” I tell her.
“You’re going to the doctor on your birthday?” she is surprised. “For what?”
“I need to get something figured out before my trip,” I explain. “I’m on two different depression medications and they are causing problems. I can just take the kids with me.”
But the kids are excited. They would be terribly disappointed if they did not get to see their mommy.
“How about you come in,” I say reluctantly. “I have to leave in a half hour. I will take the kids with me to the doctor but come in and visit with them.”
She enters my house – a place that was once our house. She sits down in a chair in the living room and all 3 kids gather around her with rose-colored glasses. I sit nearby on the couch. Any time I look at her I see John and her together so I turn and look at my fish tank instead. I remember Ryan and Nicole’s instructions. I begin my breathing exercises. They work. I get through the half hour.
***
“I guess I’ve always had a problem trusting,” I tell Ryan and Nicole. “I’ve been betrayed by too many people.”
This revelation has come after some careful digging into my past by my counselors.
“When that anxiety comes, we can have trouble trusting God,” Ryan explains. “Have you ever had a problem trusting Him?”
“Yes,” I confess. “I have. I feel very foolish for it. I’ve had trouble trusting His will.”
“All these people may let you down,” Ryan says. “But God never will. He’s perfect.”
***
The excitement is still on high as we sit in the airport terminal. We are early, and we hear that our flight has been delayed due to weather in Philadelphia (our layover before Tel Aviv). Shortly after that, we hear that our flight has been cancelled all together.
Josh tells a group of us, “Time to pray.” And we do.
The 5 Church pastors go off to schedule an alternate flight. I don’t think much of it. But what happens next shocks me.
“I’m sorry. The trip has been cancelled. You just can’t fit 60 people onto another plane. I’m sorry. The planes heading out to Tel Aviv over the next 3 days are all full. Barring a miracle there just isn’t a way.”
I look around and I see faces of disappointment. Some people are crying and completely wrecked. I remember thinking that I should feel sadness, too. I, like them, have been anticipating this trip for over a year. I started a blog with the sole purpose of recording the journey and have been working hard on it for many many hours over that time. I was supposed to be baptized in the Jordan. But somehow I was at peace with the situation. His will be done. He must be protecting us from something, I reasoned. He is interceding. This is not an act of man. God is the authority, and I’m more than okay with that fact.
So we pray. But not just the 60 of us. We took to Facebook, too. Our friends, family and Church family pray, too. We had to figure out a way back. This was going to be a long ride home.
***
“I was able to use the breathing exercise,” I tell Ryan and Nicole. “It worked. My ex-wife came over to my house for a half hour.”
“That’s great news,” Ryan replies. “Mike, tell me, your ex-wife is your enemy, isn’t she?”
The question takes me off guard, and not because the thought of my ex-wife being my enemy surprises me. No, the reason I’m off guard is because I’ve thought about my ex-wife as being my enemy already. I’ve meditated on it. I’ve almost blogged about it but I thought people would not understand.
I gather my thoughts for a moment and then recite verbatim something that had almost been written in my blog, “We as Christians do have enemies. We are told about this in Scripture. If I had to classify my ex-wife as either ally, neutral, or enemy, she would fall into the enemy category.”
“Yes, this isn’t Disney Land Christianity is it?” Ryan tells me. “True Christianity is Jesus up on the cross.”
I understand what he’s trying to say. He’s telling me something I would never hear on a Sunday morning in Church because it’s a tough lesson. However, it’s truth. We have enemies as Christians. My ex-wife is one of them. It helps me to classify her as that. For some reason it does. When I try to put her in the wrong slot (either ally or neutral) she doesn’t fit. There are too many emotions tied to those other two slots.
“But I pray for my enemies,” I tell Ryan.
***
Facebook is exploding with people in prayer for us as I scan my news feed.
“Another group meeting!” pastor Josh calls out. I notice something in his tone. He has good news.
Daryl, the Pastor from Kilpatrick, addresses the crowd. “We learned of 3 planes that leave from New York tomorrow night. If we can get to New York, we could all get to Israel. We would lose one day of the trip. Is this something you all want to do?”
“YES!” we exclaim. It's unanimous.
Even though I have been calm about the whole situation, a joy rises up in me, “WHOOOOO!” I shout. There are a few laughs.
A woman in our group, Bette Bestaman, gets on her phone. She works for a bus company. She thinks she can get us to New York.
***
“Jen, thank you for coming to this session. I want you to be a part of it, an active member,” Ryan tells her. “I’m going to ask you something, then I’m going to ask Mike the same question. Is that okay?”
“Sure,” replies Jen.
“How would you describe a good Christian relationship between a girlfriend and boyfriend?” he inquires.
Jen lists several things:
• Come up next to each other and do life together.
• Point each other toward God.
• Support each other.
• To enjoy each other and enjoy God together.
“Mike,” Ryan turns to me. “How would you describe a good Christian relationship?”
“Everything she said,” I tell him. “I would add honesty. Loyalty. No sex before marriage.”
“So you mention marriage,” Ryan interjects. “Is marriage something you talk about?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “We are both very cautious and in no rush. But at our age, if marriage is not the end goal we would not be dating. So far there have been no red flags.”
“Good,” Ryan says.
***
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| Mark Horjes and I on our way to New York City. |
Just then the bus swerves to the left. Whew, we just missed an SUV that had decided to pull off the shoulder into our path. That could have been bad.
“Thank you God,” I pray. “Please guide us safely. Please get us to your Promise Land.”
There is a detour along the way and we find ourselves in tight quarters going through the streets of Brooklyn breaking tree branches in our huge bus. But God sees us through. The Promise Land awaits.
***
We have a day to kill in JFK Airport...
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| Pastor Josh (left) and Pastor Flick (right) killing time. |
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| Mark says he'll give me a dollar if I ride the luggage return. |
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| Mark and I killing time. |
“Everyone, we need to move to the check-in line,” announces Pastor Josh hurriedly.
We had spent the day in JFK airport in shifts guarding our luggage. Kilpatrick and Banner of Christ were in Newark awaiting their flight.
As we gather our luggage and begin moving toward the escalator, news spreads through the crowd that our tickets may not be any good. I’m very confused by this but I’m not a frequent flyer. The plan is to be the first in line. Our group lines up near the baggage check station an hour early. At the sight of this about 100+ other travelers that are going to Israel line-up behind us.
An Israeli security representative comes up to our group, “Who is your leader?”
“I am,” announces Josh.
“Please, step over here with me,” he directs Josh off to the side.
I try to eaves drop on the conversation. Security is grilling Josh about our trip. I’m not surprised by this. Josh warned us that Israeli security is tight. At last he lets us enter.
I’m among the first to line-up to check my bag. However, there is something wrong with my ticket. I’m told to get out of line and go to another desk outside the baggage check area. I see that Josh is already there with a couple of other members of our group. When it’s my turn, I hand the person behind the desk my ticket. He types on his computer and then hands my ticket back to me, “You’re all set.”
“Where do I go now, back to the end of the line?” I ask.
"No, go back to the person who sent you here," he explains.
I roll my bags back to the front. I present my ticket. Typing occurs.
"Do you have a bag to check?"
"Yes, this one," I lift it onto the belt.
She prints me a new ticket and tells me to head to my left. I move toward Josh, Mark and a few other members of the group.
"Did you get a boarding pass?" asks Cheryl Reiffer, a member of HomeFront Church.
"Yes, here," I show her my ticket.
"We are on standby," she tells me.
"Who?"
"All of us."
"What does that mean?"
"We have to wait until an hour before the flight leaves to know if we are getting on. You have to go that way through security."
"Now?"
"Yes, now."
I roll my baggage up to a gate, present my passport and boarding pass. I'm waved through and am now in a fast moving line. I look around. I see no one from our group. I think to myself, "Am I going to Israel alone?"
I keep moving. I'm nearing security. "Please remove your shoes. If you have a laptop, please take it out of the bag. Remove everything from your pockets." I do, scrambling to fill up 4 different bins with all my stuff.
As I watch my things float through the x-ray machine I am frisked. "Sir, what is that?" I'm asked.
He is touching a pouch under my shirt that holds my money. I'm asked to step out of the line. I have to take it off, which is awkward with my shirt on. Meanwhile my wallet and passport have made it through the x-ray machine along with all my other stuff. I keep an eye on it as other folks gather their items next to it.
"Okay, you're free to go," I'm told.
I start to gather my belongings, "Keep the belt moving," we are told. I grab my things in a heap, bring them to a bench, and begin to reassemble, starting with my wallet, passport and shoes.
"Now what?" I think to myself, still not seeing anyone familiar. I look at my boarding pass and see Gate 29 listed. I begin moving in that direction. All of the sudden I notice I'm coming up to 4 members of our group! We are all elated that each other made it, and concerned for those who didn't. We begin exchanging information.
As we sit together, more members start arriving, including Pastor Flick. We soon learn that we have 11 members that are on Standby. This is not good. What is even worse is that in Newark, the entire group is without tickets. This is not what we sat 10 hours on a bus for! God is the authority here, I tell myself.
I put out a prayer request on Facebook for our situation. The petitions to our Heavenly Father begin anew. Several of us bow our heads in prayer, led by Pastor Flick.
The boarding call comes. Those of us who made it through security are among the first rows to be seated. We file aboard, not knowing the outcome of the rest of our group. This is a huge 400 seat 747. I'm near the back of the plane with Pastor Flick. Flick gets off his phone and turns to me, "All 11 have been allowed on the plane!" Apparently 20 passengers coming from Phoenix did not make the flight.
"That's great news!" I exclaim. "Any word from Newark?"
"I haven't heard anything in a while. Last I knew they still did not have tickets."
Not too long after that I see Pastor Josh walking by. He looks exhausted and worn out. We were 2 days without a shower or a change of clothes. Josh has worked so hard to get us to this point, and by the grace of God he has.
Flick turns to me, "Can you go tell Josh, all the people from Newark got on the plane. We are all going to make it to Israel!"
I trust you Lord. You taught me what depression is so that I could help those that are depressed. You taught me what anxiety is so that I may cast my worry onto you. You give to bless me. You take away so that I may better appreciate your blessings. You are my rock. You are the reason I experienced no anxiety throughout this whole process. You answered our prayers and you kept a smile on my face the whole time. Thank you Lord.
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| I guess the Detroit Airport won't be needing these... |
"If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us--a land which flows with milk and honey. -Numbers 14:8
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