Lay Your Burden Down

Hezekiah's Tunnel

It was Hezekiah who blocked the upper outlet of the Gihon spring and channeled the water down to the west side of the City of David. He succeeded in everything he undertook.  -2 Chronicles 32:30

Mark and I had a choice to make.  We could take Joab's dry tunnel, or Hezekiah's 1500 feet long underground wet tunnel.  Of course we decide to take the wet tunnel.  Hezekiah's tunnel isn't always open for exploration because the water is often too high, but since Israel is experiencing a drought the levels are low enough for traversing.  This trip has been very heavy and emotional for me at times.  I think that's why God made sure to room me with Mark.  This adventure is rich with meaning, AND it has had a lighter side.  I'm having fun gallivanting across Israel.




At the end of Hezekiah's tunnel lies the Pool of Siloam.

When He had said this, He spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes, and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which is translated, Sent). So he went away and washed, and came back seeing. Therefore the neighbors, and those who previously saw him as a beggar, were saying, “Is not this the one who used to sit and beg?” Others were saying, “This is he,” still others were saying, “No, but he is like him.” He kept saying, “I am the one.” So they were saying to him, “How then were your eyes opened?” He answered, “The man who is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes, and said to me, ‘Go to Siloam and wash’; so I went away and washed, and I received sight.” They said to him, “Where is He?” He said, “I do not know.”  -John 9:6-12

Notice in Scripture that Jesus heals different people in different ways.  He heals by touch (Matthew 8:3).  He heals from a distance (Luke 17:11-14).  He even heals when not in the presence of the one He's healing (Luke 7:1-10).  God chooses to heal us as He wills.  Different people require different healing methods.  God is healing my heart in a very special way.  Tomorrow I will find out to what extent God is willing to go to bring me healing; He sometimes heals us in ways we do not see coming.  God can heal you, too, in just the right way.

Shenanigans

I realized at some point in my spiritual walk that God relates differently to different people.  Some of us feel close to God while head banging to rock music while others prefer a gospel choir.  The human race is a diverse bunch and we have a God that is big enough to relate to each of us uniquely.  For instance, God gets through to me many times through symbolism and ceremony.  Thus, the baptism really resonated with me, as will the placing of my wedding ring inside the Wailing Wall.  God also knows that amid all the drama and pain of the last year and a half that I need a good adventure - and a good laugh.

My roommate Mark and I have a lot in common.  Born a generation apart, we have both suffered the heart ache of a cheating spouse, divorce, and the raising of our kids as a single parent.  Mark's wisdom has helped me cope and get through hard times.  He, like me, appreciates a good adventure, and a good laugh.

To Jerusalem!

Which way is Jerusalem?

Check out our spacious balcony.

Where is Samson when you need him?

Mark bet me $1 to ride the baggage return.

Christian dressed as a Jew in the Muslim Quarter.

Mark and I take a Selfie from inside Jesus' tomb.

While staying in the Royal Hotel on the Dead Sea we overheard familiar voices coming from the adjoining room - the Reiffers.  They had not yet discovered that Mark and I were roomed next to them.  Mustering our best Arabic shouting we began banging loudly on the door between the rooms.  In broken English we demanded that they, "Open door!  Open door now!"

"No!" we heard from the other side of the door.  "You've got the wrong room!"

Laughing hysterically we reply, "Are you sure?  It's Mike and Mark."

Thus we had the reputation of being the most likely to get arrested while in Israel.  God knows me well.  He knows that right now I need to laugh and live.  There was once a time I could love, too; I could love anyone put in front of me.  I miss that.

The Jewish Quarter

While in the Jewish Quarter I take the opportunity to buy a kippah (Jewish hat) and a tallit (Jewish prayer shawl).  The tallit has many strands that hang off from it, including 4 longer strands that represent the 4 corners of the earth.  I plan to wear these garments while at the Wailing Wall.

This wall was built by the crusaders in 1099.

The wall is riddled with bullets. The Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem was lost in 1948 and liberated in 1967.

This is the Broad Wall, built somewhere between 536 & 516 B.C.
Uzziel son of Harhaiah, one of the goldsmiths, repaired the next section; and Hananiah, one of the perfume-makers, made repairs next to that. They restored Jerusalem as far as the Broad Wall.  -Nehemiah 3:8

On our way to the Wailing (Western) Wall we encounter some other walls with interesting stories to tell.  But it is the Wailing Wall that I am most interested in.  Because the Temple Mount is under Muslim control, the closest that the Jewish people can get to the holiest of holies to pray is the Wailing Wall.  The holiest of holies was the room containing the Ark of the Covenant where sat the presence of God between the Cherubim.  Jews come to this wall to pray and stuff prayer requests, written on paper, into the cracks of the wall.  Before reaching the outside Western Wall we visit the portion of the wall that lies underground.  It is here that I write my prayer in my journal.  It reads, "Lord, please accept my sacrifice.  Lord, please take away my burden."  I rip the prayer out of my journal and wrap it around my wedding band.

My camera is pointed straight down. So much has been built over top of everything. If you were back in Jesus' day the bottom of this ladder would have been ground level.

Archaeologists are perplexed at this long rock located in the Western Wall (and now underground). It is 39 feet long, 18 feet wide and weighs 570 tons. How was this lifted into place exactly?

***

Nicole, "Mike, let's pretend that Jesus is here.  He's going to build you your perfect wife.  You can have anyone you want.  What do you tell him?"

I break down, "My wife before the affair.  But she doesn't exist.  She's dead.  I look at old photos and think to myself, 'Where did that person go?'"

"When did you first notice a change in your wife?"  Nicole asks.

"About a month, month and a half before I found out about the affair," I explain.  "It's like a switch was flipped.  I remember I started doing devotionals to improve our marriage.  I remember right before the change in her we had gone on a date night and everything was normal."

"You will most likely always have feelings for her," Nicole tells me.  "You were made in the image of God and He didn't cast off His feelings for us.  If your wife had died, no one would say that, Mike, you should be over her by now.  You are mourning someone that you still have to encounter.  This is why you can't be in the same room with her."

"It's not fair to Jen that I still have feelings for her," I go on.

"It's okay to still have feelings for her," Ryan interjects.  "You come alive when you talk about her.  That's okay.  We want to embrace your alive-ness.  We want to help you cope with it correctly."

"Thank you for telling me that it's okay," I sigh.  "I needed to hear that."

***

Above ground now, our group approaches the Wailing Wall.  Kenric comes up to me and asks if he can take pictures.  I thank him and tell him yes.  I don't know it at the time but Pastor Josh is taking video with his phone.  I'm looking for a spot along the wall, somewhere with a deep crevice.  I find a spot, set down my back pack, and with my ring in my right hand I lean against the wall.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel at this moment, but the weight of it hits me as my head leans against the wall.  I feel very broken and small.  I pray, "Lord please take away my burden" three times followed by "Lord please accept my sacrifice" three times.  Of all the reasons my ex-wife gave me for leaving, my faith stands out as the biggest one.  I would choose the Lord every time over her.

I move my arm deep into the crevice.  I feel other prayer notes against my hand.  I go deeper, feeling the crack angling upward and narrowing.  I find a spot.  It is time to let go.  It is time to drop the symbol of my marriage.  But something unexpected happens.  I freeze.  I can't let go.  Finally I force the ring deeper still.  Now only the tip of my finger touches the ring.  Still I can't let go.  I push it away even further.  I can feel it but just barely now.  This moment is too final.  And then it dawns on me; THIS is my burden, that I have been unable to LET GO.  I've been living between two lives.  This has been my problem the whole time.  Living in the "in between" is a place of depression and anxiety.  A moment of courage comes and I let go, pulling my arm out of the crevice.  Peace washes over me.  I take a breath and feel the relief.  I want to bask in this relief so I lean my head against the stone and rest for a while.  If my baptism marked the symbolic beginning of my new life, this was the symbolic leaving behind of my old life.

I also have to let go of the lies.  My ex-wife told me that I was "controlling."  I've wasted days of my life running circles in my mind trying to recall an occasion in which I was "controlling."  I always come up with nothing except examples in which she controlled me through manipulation.  I've asked her many times to give me an example of how I have "controlled" her.  She has none.  I'm letting go of wasting time trying to fix something that is not broken.  The domestic life "controlled" my ex-wife, not me.  She was controlled by the life she chose for herself and convinced me to give her only to abandon it immediately after having a 3rd child.  Placing the blame on me justified her actions.  I need to STOP believing the lies once and for all.  I need to let go and leave them at the wall with my ring.  I've allowed her to make me feel small long enough.

Finally, I step away from the wall and retrieve my back pack.  Mark walks up to me and I tell him, "It's gone."  Next, I find a bench on the other side of the court and sit, taking in the beauty of the Wailing Wall.  I sit there alone and mourn.  The prayer that I placed in the wall is one that I have prayed many times over the last year and a half.  "Lord, please take away my burden."  But, the burden always remained, dominating my thoughts.  Little did I know that today I was 1 day away from my prayer being answered at long last.  God would do something amazing tomorrow.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.  -Matthew 7:7-8

PASSWORD:  33

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre

For our next stop, The Church of the Holy Sepulchre, we cut through the Muslim Quarter to get into the Christian Quarter.  While beautiful, I take this Church with a grain of salt.  The Church of the Holy Sepulchre claims to be built over several meaningful spots including where Jesus was nailed to the cross, where he was crucified, and where he was buried.  The difference between a place like this and places like Hezekiah's Tunnel and the Western (Wailing) Wall is that The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is all conjecture.  We know that Hezekiah's Tunnel is Hezekiah's Tunnel.  Likewise, it's pretty difficult to get the Western Wall of the Temple Mount wrong.  The Church of the Holy Sepulchre seems very forced to me.



The positive about being faced with the dilemma of authenticity is that it forces you to examine your motives.  Am I in Israel trying to turn my Bible into a comic book, because I want to SEE.  Or, am I here to grow in my spiritual walk and know my creator better?  Don't get me wrong, there's no doubt in my mind that God holds Israel, the Promise Land, in high esteem.  It's important to Him.  I could give in and believe that this Church is genuine, or I can seek a more authentic experience, like the story God is unveiling to me personally.  This trip has meant far more to me than just visiting historic sights.

While touring the Church, Juda points out a rock on which Jesus was prepared for burial.  It was here that Jesus' blood, sweat and dirt was wiped away.  That's odd, though, since Juda tells us that the stone was placed there 200 years ago.  However, that doesn't stop folks from kneeling next to it and touching it like it's sacred.  In fact, when the crusaders were here, they found 3 crosses buried on the spot they would then claim was the location of Jesus' crucifixion.  But in 70 A.D. the Romans were crucifying at a rate of 500 people per day.  Who knows who that center cross belonged to.  Never the less the crusaders kept the cross and held it as sacred for 1000 years in this Church until it was destroyed by conquering Muslims who dragged the cross behind a horse through the streets.  In a way I'm glad that the cross was destroyed.  I think back to the Venerating of the Cross ceremony that I witnessed.  We have to be very careful about what we worship, and whether it's a good idea to bow down to a rock here or a cross there.  The important thing is what Jesus did for us on the cross, not the cross itself.

I have to apply this mindset to the Wailing Wall and my own cross that I wear around my neck.  It's more important what God did for me at the Wailing Wall than the wall itself.  Also, I wear my cross necklace not to worship it, but as a testimony for those who see it on me, letting them know that I belong to Him.

This is a traditional location where Jesus was nailed to the cross.

This is a traditional location where Jesus was crucified.

“Kill him! Kill him!” they yelled. “Nail him to a cross!”

“So you want me to nail your king to a cross?” Pilate asked.

The chief priests replied, “The Emperor is our king!” Then Pilate handed Jesus over to be nailed to a cross.

-John 19:15-16


Jesus' mother stood beside his cross with her sister and Mary the wife of Clopas. Mary Magdalene was standing there too. When Jesus saw his mother and his favorite disciple with her, he said to his mother, “This man is now your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “She is now your mother.” From then on, that disciple took her into his own home.

-John 19:25-27

See that ladder under the window? Pastor Josh told me a possible explanation for it. That ladder was there during his trip in 1995. The Church of the Holy Sepulchre (located in the Christian Quarter) is run by 5 different Christian sects. The Law of Status Quo was signed in 1852 which made it so that any changes made to the Church had to be approved by all 5 branches. Folklore has it that someone was cleaning that window when the law was signed. 

Shepherds' Field

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. -Psalm 100:3

Our group files back onto the bus.  We have one more stop for the day:  Shepherds' Field.  This field overlooks the City of Bethlehem.  I recall how the cross that I wear around my neck was made in Bethlehem out of olive wood.  My necklace, which I ordered online, has made a return journey to its place of origin!

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

-Luke 2:8-15

This location reminds me that Jesus is my shepherd, my guide.  On a day in which I relinquished my wedding ring I find myself eager to get my new, hand-crafted ring that I ordered, which reads, "Where you go I will follow."  My attitude is so much better when I am intentionally following Christ's leading.  Tomorrow we will walk on the path of Christ, from his last supper to his tomb.  It stands to be the most solemn day of the trip.

“Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”  -John 10:1-5

These sheep seek the shade of an olive tree while their shepherd stands with them.

We end our day of exploring earlier than usual because night fall marks the beginning of the Shabbat.  Mark and I once again leave our hotel window open as we sleep.  Being that it's the Shabbat, Jerusalem is quiet this night.  For the first night in many my ex-wife does not haunt my dreams.

Jerusalem

As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, from this time forth and forevermore.  -Psalm 125:2

As I sleep next to the Dead Sea my dreams are less vivid, but they come none the less.  My ex-wife haunts my dreams of late.  No matter how vivid the dreams are, I still cannot fully remember or grasp them when I awaken.  I recall bits and pieces.  In the dreams I am angry and she is crying.  In my dreams I am getting things off my chest.  I'm telling her things that need to be said, things that are hurtful to her, things I can't say to her in person.  These dreams are wracked with emotion mixed with a dash of closure.

We only stay on the Dead Sea one night.  Our group gathers our belongings and continues the journey.  Our pilgrimage is taking us to Zion, the Holy City, Jerusalem.

Masada

Before Jerusalem we make a stop at the fortress of Masada.  Herod the Great built Masada between 37 and 31 B.C.  You'll remember Herod the Great as the one in charge when Jesus was born.  Herod ordered Masada built as a back-up plan in case anyone turned against him, the "king of the Jews."  Masada rests a full 1500 feet above the Dead Sea.  It was completely self-sustained with gardens, store houses of food and weapons, and a system of aqueducts and cisterns for water.  The funny thing is that historians don't think Herod had ever been to Masada!  It was built as a "just in case."  It was manned by only 100 soldiers.

Cable Cars take you to the top of Masada, 1500 feet above the Dead Sea.

The ride is not for the claustrophobic or those scared of heights.

Can you see the cars on the road down below?

The Holy Land is intense.  I feel it in my stomach, especially at this height.  Israel seems to have very little flat land; we always seem to be walking up or walking down.  Sometimes in life we feel on top of the world!  Things are going great and the pigeons are singing.  Other times we are in the Valley of Megiddo fighting some battle.  For what seems like forever (but in reality has been a year and a half) I have been living in between two lives.  Since my baptism represented a fresh start, I must fully let go now.  And I will.  I brought something to Israel to help with that.

Like I mentioned before, there is something that I carry with me.  It's been in my back pack the whole time.  It's something that will not be going home with me.  This item is making the pilgrimage to Jerusalem, and there it will stay, inside the Wailing Wall.  I can no longer bare to have it.  I know He can bare it.

Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.  -Psalm 55:22

What is below the black line is original architecture and what is above is restored.	This is a miniature model of the Bath House of Masada. We had also seen a Bath House in Biet She'an.	Check out the original tapestry behind the Mikveh inside the bath house.
This sauna reminds me of the one we saw in Biet She'an.  Herod spared no expense.	This wall was once painted white to send a glare down to anyone who tried to spy up to the fortress.	In Masada's Synagogue a Jewish Scribe makes hand written copies of the Torah.

After Herod's death and during the Jewish Revolt, the Jews managed to sneak into Masada and kill off the 100 Roman guardians 1 or 2 at a time in stealth-like fashion.  Roman forces sought to take back Masada.  To do so, they built a ramp leading up to the fortress.  The process takes three years.

This is what is left of the Roman ramp up to Masada.

This is a miniature model of the ramp that the Romans built in its full glory.

When the Jews realize that the siege would soon end in their defeat they did something unthinkable.  To prevent their wives from being abused by Roman soldiers (who had not seen a woman in 3 years) they kill their wives.  They also kill their own children to prevent them from becoming slaves.  They then cast lots to kill each other, and the last warrior falls on his own sword.  These are freedom fighters; it's freedom or death.  Only 2 women and 2 children remain to tell the tale.

They do something else I find interesting: they hide their biblical scrolls in a secret place in the fortress.  However, they leave the scroll of Ezekiel in the Synagogue.  The Temple in Jerusalem has been destroyed, Masada is defeated, and their families are dead.  Yet, they held onto their faith.  I've been in some low places, but nothing like that.  To the very end they held true to the Lord.

Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”  -Ezekiel 37:11-14

When it comes time to leave Masada, several of us want to take the Snake Path instead of riding the cable car back down.  The Snake Path is a 2.5 mile hike that snakes down the mountain along a thin path.  However, our guides do not let us hike it because of the heat.  Humph.  Next time...

Ein Gedi

This is the location where David spared Saul's life in 1 Samuel 24:1-22.  David could have killed Saul but he remained loyal to the Lord's anointed.

We are nearly to Jerusalem when we make a very short stop at Ein Gedi (Spring of the Young Goat).  Getting to see these places will forever change how I read my Bible.  Thank you God for unveiling these sights to me!

Ein Gedi means "Spring of the Young Goat."  Up on the hill we happened to spot a mother with her baby.

A spring of water pours down in front of the entrance to the cave where David "cut off a corner of Saul’s robe."

Before entering Jerusalem, our guide Juda introduces us to an Israeli merchant whom he allows onto the bus.  He is selling hand crafted jewelry.  I had been thinking about getting a new ring to replace my wedding band and had even looked at a couple back in the United States.  But, I had never settled on one.  I made the decision to buy a sterling silver ring with the Hebrew inscription "Where you go I will follow."  This will serve as a reminder for me to stay on God's path.  I will have to wait a couple of days for the ring to be made.

Your word is a lamp for my feet,
    a light on my path.    -Psalm 119:105

The Mount of Olives

Our bus bursts out of the tunnel and there sits Jerusalem to our left.  Wow.  I can't believe I'm in Jerusalem.  I can't help but think of Jesus' entrance into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday (Matthew 21:1-11).  Everyone on the bus is straining to see out of the windows.  This is the city where King David reigned over all Israel for 33 years.

Our bus parks and we get out and take a group photo with the cityscape in the background.  We are standing on the Mount of Olives.  I think most people think about the past when they think about the Mount of Olives.  I tend to lean toward thinking about the future.  One day, Jesus will return and step down on this mountain, splitting it in half.  Perhaps I'm thinking more about the future these days in general.

And in that day His feet will stand on the Mount of Olives,
Which faces Jerusalem on the east.
And the Mount of Olives shall be split in two,
From east to west,
Making a very large valley;
Half of the mountain shall move toward the north
And half of it toward the south.

-Zechariah 14:4

The view of the East Wall of the Temple Mount as seen from the Mount of Olives.

The Garden of Gethsemane

Our group walks from the Mount of Olives to the Garden where Jesus was arrested.


He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”  -Luke 22:41-46

Our guide speaks about the history of this place and Pastor Mike gives a teaching moment.  After that, we have some time to ourselves to walk the garden.  I find an olive tree and sit under it.  I have time to myself just like Jesus did when he prayed to the Father from this place.  Can I ever truly grasp the extent of Jesus' suffering?  But he suffered it, and made me right with God.  Am I living up to that calling?  Sometimes instead of prayer I find it easier to write letters to God.  I did this in the garden under the olive tree.  Below is what I wrote.

Where do I stand with you, Father?  Has your grace fully found me?  Love like this I've never known.  I know you prefer obedience over sacrifice, but I brought something with me to Jerusalem, something to lay at your feet.  Tomorrow I will lay it down and never again will I hold it.  It's not only a sacrifice to you but a burden I have been carrying for a long while.  I pray that you may accept my sacrifice at the Wailing Wall, and please, take my burden with it.  You are mighty to carry it.  I, on the other hand, am tired of bearing it.  Thank you for your grace my Lord.  Where you go I will follow.

When I finish the letter I'm shaking and in tears.  This has been such an emotional trip.  Jesus bore a burden far greater than mine.  I praise Him for taking on our burdens and healing our hearts!  Tomorrow I will lay my burden at His feet; tomorrow I will leave my wedding ring in the Wailing Wall.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  -Matthew 11:28-30

King Solomon Hotel

We check into the King Solomon hotel.  That night, several of us meet a friend of Kenric's in the hotel lobby.  His name is Yossi, a Jewish man who lives in Jerusalem.  Yossi had been very excited ever since he found out that Kenric was coming to his city.  Yossi proves to be a wealth of knowledge about the history and political situation in Israel.  He also speaks lovingly of his children, including two sons that are serving in the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) and his daughter who is a medic.  His sons are specially trained to work with dogs with cameras strapped to their heads to make sure that buildings and spaces are clear before anyone enters.  Sadly, I'm too exhausted to stay the whole time with Yossi and quietly slip away for a quick bite to eat followed by crashing into my pillow.

Mark and I both agree that the window should be open as we get some sleep.  The sounds of Jerusalem drift loudly into our 11th floor room.  It's awesome.

As I fall asleep the sounds of Jerusalem meld into my dream, guiding it.  I'm in my house.  It's night and the lights are off.  I hear rain falling on the roof.  My ex-wife is in the house somewhere.  The house is dark and I can't find her.  I reach for a light switch and my hand gets wet from something on the wall.  In the dim light I see water pouring down the wall and over my hand.  The rain is leaking into the house.  The light switch does not work; the water must have caused a short.  My wife is somewhere in the house, but I can't find her.  The water washes over me.  I awaken.  It's not raining in Jerusalem, the pulse of sound through the window had in my mind become drops of rain.  I go back to sleep and I have no more dreams this night.

Tomorrow I will give God my wedding ring at the Wailing Wall.

I never want to forget this view of Jerusalem from our hotel room window.

Come to the River

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?”

Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented.

As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

-Matthew 3:13-17

I lay down to sleep at 11:30 PM.  The dreams come again, powerful and jarring.  After what seems like hours I awaken and check the clock.  It is 12:08 AM.  The dreams continue through the night.  However, this is the first night in many that I get enough sleep.

Artists have written more songs about the Jordan than any other river in the world.  This morning I will enter these waters for my first time and receive a believer's baptism.  As I get ready for another day in Israel I receive several personal messages.  Pastor Flick writes me a note.  My Church family sends me messages of encouragement on social media.  Jen, also, sends me this message:

I pray that tomorrow as you get baptized, God's Spirit would pour out on you WAY more than you've ever experienced before! May you know his Love, Truth and Being more fully than you yet understood. May you be overwhelmed by God, by your belonging and forever citizenship in Christ. May you know your true position in this world and in God's eyes. May you feel the newness that you are everyday. May you know where your merit comes from. May you feel empowered to serve God and share his gospel. May God excite you so much, you can hardly stand still. You can hardly stand silent.  May you be renewed in his truth and light. May you rise from baptism radically and forever changed. May all anxiety and apprehension drip fully away from you in light of your foundation in Christ. Much peace, Mike!  You've already attained these things. May you live up to them. (Phil 3:16).  Although these things are already yours, God gives us special times and festivals to celebrate them. You've already been baptized into God's spirit. Tomorrow you get to be baptized with water as well. This is special. I pray BIG things for you, because I can. God has given us these things, these special promises.  You're his, and I'm definitely grateful.

Is there any doubt why I love this girl, the girl that God Himself told me about?  I miss her.  I find myself talking about her to other people more and more often as the trip goes on.  As I move through buffet lines, I try to imagine what food she would choose.  She is not an idol in my life, rather, she is someone who encourages me in Christ and is always pointing me toward Him.

The Jordan River is the first stop of the day.  One of the first things that I do is fill a bottle full of water from the Jordan to add to my bottle from the Sea of Galilee.  I only need 1 more bottle.  The 33 of us getting baptized (plus 4 more that were late additions) change into white robes and sit on the bank of the river.  Once we are assembled, Pastor Mike from Banner of Christ addresses us, as does Pastor Flick from Everyday Life.  Both do a great job helping us understand the magnitude of what's about to happen.  After the pastors are done speaking, we are invited to tell why we are getting baptized today.  Folks stand up at random, give their name, their church, and why they are here.  The Spirit gives me the courage to stand.

"My name is Mike Endres.  I attend HomeFront Church.  I remember talking with Josh about this day in January 2013.  It was then I made the decision to travel to Israel and be baptized here."  At this moment I pause.  No one to this point has broken down while professing.  After several moments I continue, my voice ringing with pain, "Just after that decision I learned that my wife, the mother of my three young children, was having an affair."  I pause again.  "God allowed my tower to come down," I continue.  "Between the decision to be baptized and now, I have gone through a divorce."  I'm crying now, "But God didn't leave me nor forsake me.  He rebuilt my tower with His will."  Emphatically I end, "This is why I came!"

As I sit down, I realize something has changed among the group.  Everyone claps to express encouragement.  I'm utterly moved by the entire situation and build up to this moment in time.  Now others stand up, confessing with tears the burden they bare.  It's as if it's okay to cry now.  It's okay to be weak, to be broken.  More than ever the importance of baptism is sinking in.

HomeFront Church lines up in the Jordan River first.  Pastor Josh and Pastor Flick will be performing the baptisms for our Church.  I'm somewhere in the middle / end of the line.  My roommate on the trip, Mark, is ahead of me in line.  After each baptism, all of our group erupts in applause and cheering.  As I stand waist deep in the river I feel little fish "kissing" my feet, we'll say.  I wonder if Jesus had fish kissing His feet.

It's now my turn.  I wade toward Josh and Flick.  I hear Josh whisper to Flick that he wants to say a few words to me.  As I stand between the two, taking in the moment, Josh begins to speak privately to me.  I say nothing and just listen to the words of my Pastor.  I'm reminded that, when I first found out my wife was cheating on me, Josh was the very first person I came to.  Since then I have been living in between two lives.  The "in between" is not a fun place to be.  It's a place of depression and anxiety and grief.

Josh tells me that he can't imagine how important this moment is for me.  As he talks I can tell that he's trying to hold himself together, too.  He reminds me that many have been inspired by my story.  He tells me that this is an honor for him to be baptizing me.  He tries to explain how I hold him accountable as a Pastor, and that he's amazed at the rate I pursue my faith.  He tells me that he cannot express how proud he is.  All the while I listen and I'm so thankful that God got a hold of me and set this path in front of me, and gave me the ability to walk it.  All praise goes to the Spirit that gives me strength.  It is my hope to one day be able to encourage people the way my Church family encourages me.  For some (like Josh) it is a spiritual gift.

Flick begins addressing the crowd.  The moment is coming.  My story is shifting.  This is the symbolic beginning of the new me.  This is the FULL acceptance of my new life in Christ and His path for my life.  My path for myself is being left behind and erased.  It's been quite a journey to this moment.

Password:  33


I exit the water, overwhelmed that the moment has come and passed.  But the story goes on.  I'm more excited than ever for those that have yet to be baptized.  So, I find a high perch, and watch them one after the other.  This is not a situation where we wanted to move quickly, to be done with this so we can go on to the next site.  No, we cheer, along with the angels in Heaven, for every last person.  I well with joy for each and every one of them.  After we finish several of us take a brief swim to the other side of the Jordan and back.  Everyone is joyful and full of the Spirit.

Cheryl Reiffer tells me, "You may not know this but you're an inspiration to a lot of people."  I'm thankful for her encouragement.  I don't necessarily feel like an inspiration to others.  But, if my story is inspiring, I'm thankful to God that He gave it to me.  I'm even more thankful for the new, unwritten story ahead of me.  The truth is that my Church inspires me.  I found them at just the right time.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.  - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.  -Romans 6:1-4

Beit She'an

Beit She'an is located in the heart of the Roman Empire. In 686 AD all of the outer walls collapsed in an earthquake. Today, it is among the largest restored Roman cities, second only to a city in Ephesus.  Wandering the streets of this city helps me to get a feel for the sights of Jesus' time.

I sit overlooking the amphitheater of Beit She'an.  This is where Romans would go to watch performances, listen to philosophical debates and political speeches.

The channel in the ground where Josh's feet rest would have clean water for washing. The deeper channel next to the wall, well, that would have something else in it...

Excavation is still being done at this ancient city. Work began in 1986. If you had come in 1995, all of my pictures would have been underground.

The sauna within the bath house would have had a floor over it with holes for the steam to rise up.  The ceiling was domed so condensation would drip to the side.

The last time that Pastor Josh was at this location a powerful rain storm pounded down. When it had stopped raining, this Roman street was drained thanks to the Roman sewer system. However, when they went to leave this site they had trouble because the modern streets were flooded.

Below is the pagan temple at the top of the Tel.  The image on the left is the real deal while the image on the right is a miniature model. This area has been destroyed and rebuilt 22 times, thus the temple sits on a hill.  This is the location that Saul's body was brought and where valiant men went to retrieve it.


The next day, when the Philistines came to strip the dead, they found Saul and his three sons fallen on Mount Gilboa. They cut off his head and stripped off his armor, and they sent messengers throughout the land of the Philistines to proclaim the news in the temple of their idols and among their people. They put his armor in the temple of the Ashtoreths and fastened his body to the wall of Beth Shan.

When the people of Jabesh Gilead heard what the Philistines had done to Saul, all their valiant men marched through the night to Beth Shan. They took down the bodies of Saul and his sons from the wall of Beth Shan and went to Jabesh, where they burned them. Then they took their bones and buried them under a tamarisk tree at Jabesh, and they fasted seven days.

- 1 Samuel 31:8-13

What loyalty King David showed his King, even a King that tried to kill him.  It's an admirable loyalty, a virtue.  A lot of people could not understand why I gave my then wife a second chance.  It wasn't so much being loyal to her (though it was) it was more about being loyal to the vows and the God who bound them.  Going forward into my new life I pray to the Father, through Jesus, that the Spirit will keep me a loyal man.  I never never never want to bring the hurt that I felt to another person.  Spirit compel me to be always loyal to Jen, and more importantly to your calling!

It's time for our group to continue south, and into the West Bank.  We will be passing through the land where the Israelites complained to Moses after being rescued from the Egyptians.  We are moving south, toward Jerusalem, that great city of the Bible that has played such a pivotal role in God's story.

Qumran

The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered in Qumran in 1947. Those who found them went to Bethlehem and sold the pottery jar full of scrolls for $147. Until this discovery the oldest known copy of the Old Testament was from around 1000 AD. The Dead Sea Scrolls, which include the prophesies about Jesus in the Book of Isaiah, predate Jesus.

It's a hot day in Qumran where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found.  Some theories suggest that John the Baptist was a part of this Jewish Sect.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.  -Isaiah 53:5

Cave #4 is the most famous cave (pictured below). More than 15,000 fragments were found in this cave. From all 11 Qumran caves, every Old Testament book is represented except Esther. No New Testament books or fragments have been found.

It took 15 years to develop a liquid to dunk the scrolls in that would not only protect the ink but also allow the scrolls to be opened.

It amazes me when I think about how God's story comes into formation, told through the Scriptures over the course of thousands of years by many different authors.

On a much smaller scale I marvel at how God is telling my personal story.  When I rededicated my life to Christ, my wife saw a light in me.  She ultimately rejected it.  But, God used that rejection and kept me on course.  Lord, where you go I will follow!  I have followed His leading out of Egypt and through my metaphorical desert.  But a new beginning is upon me, a "promise land" if you will.

Floating in the Dead Sea outside the Royal Hotel.

I began my day in the water so I guess it's only fitting that I end it there, too.  I make sure to fill up my 3rd and final bottle with water from the Dead Sea.  We stay one night in the Royal Hotel before continuing our trek toward Jerusalem, that ancient city we read about in our Bibles.  I feel like I'm returning home to a place I've never been.

There's something I carry with me to Jerusalem, something I've told only a few people about.  It's something that will not leave Jerusalem with me.  It's a sacrifice to my God and it's also a burden.  I look forward to laying this gift at His feet.