The Voice of God

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."  -Isaiah 30:21

Jen tells me a story about an experience that “wrecked” her:

One day I was sitting there talking to God. I was asking Him about what I should do in the future... you know "when I grow up", exploring different avenues with Him. I was curious about all the plans He had for me.

And as I was sitting there, God said, "Hey Jen, I've got the perfect job for you. Do you want to hear it?" Hello! I was pretty stoked. Of course I wanted to hear it. First off, the God of the universe was talking to me and second off, this was going to solve all of life's debates about what the future would hold. He was even going to let me in on the very detail of what career to take part in. "I'm ready to hear this one God! I'm all ears."

His response...

A candy shaped heart. It read, "Be Mine".

Do you ever have trouble discerning the voice of God from the voice of the Enemy?  Or maybe you are like me and know which one is talking but you have trouble choosing the right one.

First of all, when I say voice, I do not mean a vocalization that I can hear with my ears.  When I say “voice” I am referring to promptings from the Spirit – illuminations that tell us the way we should go, or surprise us with prophesy.  In my experience, these events are few and far between.  I have only mentioned a couple in my blog thus far.

Well, I have other experiences to tell you about and as you read it I just want to make sure you know that I am not coming up with these left and right.  These are rare for me and very powerful.

I am playing a game of rec league roller hockey and our team is down 0-3 (I’m the goalie).  Our star forward, Aaron, is missing from this game and it shows.  At one point I see a new player sit down on the bench so I look hopefully to see if it is Aaron (he scored 5 goals for us in the previous game).  Alas, it’s not him.

Suddenly a voice says to me, “You don’t need Aaron, all you need is me.”  I’m mystified, but I obey; when yet another new player shows up on our bench I do not strain to see if it is our star forward (it isn’t him).

Our opponents score yet another goal on me and we now are losing 0-4.  Our team calls a time-out.  But, I don’t go to the bench with my team because the voice tells me to stay in my crease and rest.  I am tired from the multitude of shots and drenched in sweat.  The voice tells me to close my eyes and not to open them until I hear the ref’s whistle.  This is awkward but I obey as an act of faith.  As I rest I feel my heart rate calm.

The voice tells me that all I have to do is what I am here to do.  Nothing more.  The whistle blows.  “Now rise and win,” the voice tells me.

I stand my ground the rest of the game, not trying to do too much – just playing simple hockey.  Our team storms back and ties the game and then wins it in overtime 5-4.  The voice tells me that I am only to tell Jen about this for now.  “Now you know the sound of my voice.  When you get home, call ______.”  (I left the name out on purpose).

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before while playing hockey.

When I get home, I’m still a little dumbstruck by the whole experience and also curious as to why God wants me to call my friend; I don’t have anything to say to my friend tonight.  I hop in the shower and I am not sure whether or not I should call him.  But, the pull is there so I do eventually call him that night.

We speak briefly about the mundane and then the call ends.  Nothing significant is said in the call.  But, later that night, he calls me back.  You see, this friend is someone who reached out to me awhile back, to be an accountability partner in his battle against pornography.  When he called me back he told me that he had started down the path to looking at porn and that for the first time ever, after already starting down the path, he was able to stop.  He was almost in tears with freedom and happiness.

Later on I tell Jen about the incident (including the voice at my hockey game) and she asks if the phone call played a role in him avoiding pornography. I tell her yes, I feel that the phone call was necessary.

A couple of months later I am talking on the phone with that friend again about his struggle with pornography.  The voice gives me permission to tell him about the whole experience of my hockey game.  When I tell my friend that the voice had spoken “do what you are here to do, nothing more” it dawns on me that it was never about the hockey game.  The point was to let Christ win for you.  The whole thing was a metaphor for my friend beating his addiction and winning using only the power of God.

Do what you are here to do, nothing more.

God will guide me and my role is to have faith.  I struggle with this, even after my baptism and despite all the miracles God has done for me in rescuing me from a failed marriage.  After Jesus' baptism he was led into the wilderness to be tempted (Matthew 4:1-11).  My old life calls to me.  It tells me to go after the girls that inevitably break my heart.  The Enemy’s voice tells me to live a hedonistic life.  It tells me that my ex-wife has the World all figured out and I am in the wrong.

I feel like the Israelites who complained in the wilderness after the parting of the Red Sea.  Sometimes I feel a pull to return to Egypt and slavery.

The whole congregation of the Israelites complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots and ate our fill of bread; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger."  -Exodus 16:2-3

If I had accepted my wife’s proposal for an open marriage, threesomes, and pornography, I would be out of communion with God.  The truth is that if I give up my walk with God now for a life of hedonism I will always be grasping for the next high.  I will always remember the miracles God worked in my life.  It would be painful because I would know full well what I gave up.  The World has nothing for me compared to God.

Breaking Bad is a show that my ex-wife and I had always watched together.  When we separated it became financially necessary for me to drop cable TV.  Thus, I had never finished watching the last half of the final season.  Upon learning that the episodes are on Netflix, I finish watching the season.

As the final episode ends, something that my ex-wife and I had shared also comes to an end, even though it’s just a simple show.  After the episode a preview plays advertising an upcoming TV show.  Like Breaking Bad (a show about making meth) this show has content amplifying how broken our World is.

I begin to cry about the brokenness.  Why would I even entertain for a moment the call of the Traitor and the Enemy?  I want to help the World, not be part of the problem.

“God, what can I do?” I cry.  “I’m too small!  I’m not even good at what you ask of me to do.  This World has nothing for me – but the people, the people that you love.”

“Speak to me Lord,” I continue.  “What do you want me to do?”

The Spirit prompts me to take communion and I obey.  A partial peace flows over me.  I ask the Lord to give me an illumination.

I head upstairs.  It’s dark and for the first time tonight I notice that there’s a storm outside.  The Spirit prompts me to go out on my deck.  I open the slider door and step out.  The wind whips the tree tops back and forth.  The rain drops seem large to me.  I hold out my arms and they fall on me like tears.  And then the illumination comes:  God feels the same pain I do for the World.  He’s crying for it, too.

So, what does one do after he’s been rescued?  Does he go back to what knocked him down in the first place?  No, if God gives you a second chance, you do what you are there to do, nothing more.  You certainly don’t go running in the opposite direction.  When the Israelites were rescued from Egypt they sent 12 scouts to spy out the Promise Land before they entered.

This is what they reported to Moses: “We went to the land where you sent us. It really is a land flowing with milk and honey. Here’s some of its fruit. But the people who live there are strong, and the cities have walls and are very large. We even saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev. The Hittites, Jebusites, and Amorites live in the mountain region. And the Canaanites live along the coast of the Mediterranean Sea and all along the Jordan River.”

Caleb told the people to be quiet and listen to Moses. Caleb said, “Let’s go now and take possession of the land. We should be more than able to conquer it.”

But the men who had gone with him said, “We can’t attack those people! They’re too strong for us!” So they began to spread lies among the Israelites about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored is one that devours those who live there. All the people we saw there are very tall. We saw Nephilim there. (The descendants of Anak are Nephilim.) We felt as small as grasshoppers, and that’s how we must have looked to them.”

-Numbers 13:27-33

I have a choice to make.  I can be like the 11 spies who were afraid to enter the Promise Land and missed out on its bounty (God did not let them enter).  Or, I can be like Caleb and not fear, knowing that God will lead the way.  I choose to take a leap of faith and hold to the path.  As my ring says, "Where you go I will follow."

I have never had any desire to sky dive - ever. My stomach drops when I lean over the railing at the top of a light house. Jen purchased two sky dive passes as an engagement gift for her friend Charity and the time has come to sign-up. It was originally supposed to be Jen and Charity who jumped. But, since Jen has already been skydiving (and loved it) she surprises me with an offer to take her jump pass. I am taken aback by the offer. Jen seems so excited for me to do it. Somehow, someway, I say yes. It will be couple of months before I actually get to jump. As the day draws near I think to myself, "What am I doing?"

When the day arrives Jen is giddy with excitement. My stomach is in knots. Both Charity and I's dive instructors have thick Russian accents and it's hard to understand pre-flight instructions (they will be tandem jumping on our backs). I'm thinking to myself, "God, I can't do this without you. Please grant me courage and protection. I'm totally depraved in this without your help." We load into the single engine plane and take-off steeply (very different from the flight to Israel). As we fly around ascending to 10,000 feet I silently pray, "God please catch me. My parachute means nothing, nor does this plane. You alone can save me."

Surprisingly, my heart rate feels normal and my hand is steady. I get caught up in the beauty of the trust God has given me. I wonder how those who do not know the Savior deal with anything big, challenging, or terrifying. I'm actually moved to tears over the awe and majesty of my belonging and assurance.

My tandem instructor begins tightening the straps that hold us together. As the plane rises above the clouds my silent prayers become silent screams, "I am with you!" Who said that? Was it me or God or did we both say it in unison? The plane door opens. Charity moves into position and disappears with a roar out of the plane. The noise and power of her ejection startles me. I keep my eyes on Him - I'm next. Robotically I slide over to the door and fit my long legs out of the plane so that I'm standing on the wing. Below me float billowing mountains of clouds. My instructor taps one of my hands and I let go of the plane with that hand. I know I'm supposed to release with my other hand, too, but I wait for him to tap that one as well. He taps it. I let go. The moment is coming. "OH GOD BE WITH ME. LORD HERE WE GO!" Whoosh!

In my imagination I had pictured the free-fall to be full of terror, but I was wrong. It was instantly fun. I dip forward, head down, then, arching my body like a banana, we stabilize right away (we did not have to deal with a tumble). I receive a tap that lets me know I can release my arms out to the side. Time is relative; it seems too soon but I obey and open my arms. We reach terminal velocity in about 9 seconds but it feels like we reach it immediately. We hurtle to the earth at 120 mph. If not for the air buffeting I would not feel like I was falling at all; without the acceleration I feel still. We burst through the clouds and I look out as far as the eye can see. This is awesome. The parachute opens. Already? We've fallen 5000 feet in about 23 seconds (which seemed like 5 seconds) and now it's time to float down the remaining 5000 feet.

Creation is spread out below me looking like a model in a hobby shop: green fields, roads, tiny cars.  Behind me my tandem instructor begins adjusting straps which makes me nervous as I hang suspended in the midair. I imagine myself falling out of the harness. I turn my thoughts back to God and take in the beauty of the view.

As I float down I again recall standing near the edge of a lighthouse balcony and looking down from the top. Then, my stomach had sank and I wanted nothing to do with it. Logically, this should be worse - but it isn't. Rather, it's breathtaking. As we fall further down I scan the ground and find the airport and even Jen's car. Whoosh! My tandem instructor swings us around by pulling a cord. The G-Force effect is pretty cool but the straps dig in a bit.

I never thought I would ever sky dive - I had no desire. I am thankful that Jen talked me into it. I would go again in a moment's notice. I remember flying in the plane and having complete trust in God. This last year has required complete trust in Him and for sure a leap of faith. He helped me escape an emotionally abusive situation, taught me what I didn't need, taught me forgiveness, rescued me and put me and my kids on a firm foundation.  And all it took was a leap of faith; God took care of the rest.

Password:  33

I often feel like I am still free falling and not sure where I will land.  My ex-wife moved in with her boyfriend which means that on the weekends my kids are spending the night at a house owned by someone she alleges to be a felon.  Each time they are dropped back off to me they reek of cigarettes (he’s a smoker and my ex-wife has taken up the habit as well).  Now and again I have to remind myself, “Hey Michael, don’t worry.  I’m in control.”  -Jesus

The sky diving jump was very symbolic for me and represents my choice to follow God where ever He may lead.  He has made me new, showing me my true self in Christ.

There is beauty in trusting God's voice.  I must keep the faith and make the jump into the Promise Land like Celeb.  That’s what I’m here to do.  God will handle the rest.  Anything else would be like wandering the wilderness.

Now the people of Judah approached Joshua at Gilgal, and Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite said to him, “You know what the Lord said to Moses the man of God at Kadesh Barnea about you and me. I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh Barnea to explore the land. And I brought him back a report according to my convictions, but my fellow Israelites who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt in fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. So on that day Moses swore to me, ‘The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.’  -Joshua 14:6-9