Passing the Cup

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  -Matthew 5:44-45

The olive wood chalice from which I took communion sits inside Jesus' garden tomb.

As the bus makes its way to HomeFront Church I am filled with joy.  Even when I am not smiling outwardly I am smiling on the inside.  Yet, I feel nervous, too.  My mind churns wondering what I should say to my ex-wife when it comes time to hand her the chalice.  I decide that I will not get too detailed.  I will keep it simple.  But truly I have no idea what will come out of my mouth.

Back at HomeFront I wheel my suitcases to my van where it has been sitting for the last 10 days.  As I pass Pastor Josh I ask him to pray for me.  I need the Holy Spirit to give me the words to speak to my ex-wife.  I have already told her that I need to talk when she drops off the kids and that I have something for her to give to John.  But, I have not told her what.

As I pull the van into my driveway I remember distinctly the time not too long ago when I left this place and bid it farewell.  After a shower and some unpacking, Jen arrives.  I cannot stop talking about what happened in Israel as well as show her the various things that I had taken home with me.  We have about an hour alone together before my ex-wife drops the kids off.  I ask Jen if she will pray with me over the conversation that will soon take place.  Together we pray - I open in prayer and she closes.

When my ex-wife pulls into the driveway I am super excited to see my children.  Being kids, they act indifferent - kind of ironic because they are super excited to see me after 4 hour visitations with their mother.  Oh well.  I would later wrestle and play with them when I went back in the house.  For now, they went inside with Jen and my ex-wife and I stand together in the driveway; her arms are crossed.

I open the conversation by explaining the communion.  It is the only significant event in Israel that I intended to tell her about.  As I describe things I meet her at her level; she does not believe Jesus is God.  But, she does not deny the man existed.  When I tell her about taking the bread I speak of his suffering, and how I did not deserve what he has done for me - yet he endured it anyway.  I tell her flat-out that she does not deserve my forgiveness, that what she did was too horrible to forgive.  Yet, Jesus is my example.  I tell her that when I drank from the chalice I drank in the forgiveness:  the forgiveness of Jesus for me - and the forgiveness of me for her and John.

I admit that even though I had verbally forgiven her before (and meant it) there was always this bitterness I harbored.  I wanted to see her suffer, I wanted to see John cheat on her.  I wanted them both to pay for what they had done.  I explain how that bitterness at long last washed away, how I felt like I could float away and how I could not sit still from the joy.  Now, I feel light without that heavy burden I had carried since the day I found out that she had been unfaithful.

She stops me, as I knew she would eventually, "I just want what's best for the kids," she says.

I was prepared for this, "No.  This is not about the kids right now.  I agree with what you're saying but, right now, this isn't about the kids.  Right now this is about you and me."

She notices my new ring and asks me about it.  I explain how I had received it on the path of Christ, and how it reads, "Where you go I will follow," in Hebrew.

I begin going into further detail about the trip as the Spirit prompts me.  I ask her if she knows what the Wailing Wall is.  She doesn't.  I explain that it is the closest place that the Jewish people can get to the holiest of holies to pray.  That's where the Ark had sat from Indiana Jones (Once again meeting her at her level in my explanations.  The first time she had seen this movie was with me back when we were just dating.).  I explain in detail the letting go of my wedding band, and how at first I could not do it.

"Why, you have Jen?" she asks me.

I answer her, telling her how I realized at that moment I was living between two worlds, holding onto a hope.  My problem was that I couldn't let go of us.  I tell her about the prayer I had written on the ring and how God would finally answer it during the communion.

"I don't have a bad word to say about Jen," I tell her.  "She's better for me than you are.  But understand that I didn't want a Jen, I wanted you.  I love you and I died very deep."

I even talk about my baptism.  As I speak I can see my words have an effect on her.  She is genuinely moved.  So long ago I had prayed for my atheist wife to see the grace of God.  My prayer has now been fully accomplished.  So moved by what she beheld, tears fall down her face as I hold out the olive wood chalice from which I had drank communion.

I talk on in greater detail.  I explain how before any of this happened I could love anyone God put in front of me.  I explain how I missed being able to love like that.  I tell her that before I had found out about the affair I had met John, and loved him.  I tell her that I love him again.  This chalice was not for her, but for John.

"I know," she cries, knowing from my message that I had a gift for him.

"Tell him I love him like the day I first met him," I tell her.

I show her that on the bottom I have written, "Forgiven."  I stress that olive wood is a big deal in Israel, and that the chalice has been inside Jesus' tomb.  I need to make sure that she understands that this is a big deal.  I believe she understands.

"And I love you," I tell her, tears streaming down my face.

Her walls come down, "I love you, too."  She says with conviction in her voice.  "Do you want a hug?"

As I fold her into my arms I'm reminded how, on our last night in Jerusalem, our group went around the room and hugged each other and expressed our love.  "I love you," I say again.  "I wish only good things for you."  Before I pull away I kiss her gently on the forehead.

"I'm free, I'm happy," I tell her.

"That's all I want for you," she tells me.  "I want you to be happy."

"I am."

As we part I think to myself that the coolest thing about God's amazing grace is having the chance to give it away.  My prayer has been answered:  my ex-wife has seen the grace of God through me.  There was a time when I wondered if that prayer would ever be answered.  There was a time that I was so broken that I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Only God could make something so beautiful out of the mess my ex-wife and I had made.




On my first day back to my counselors (Ryan and Nicole) I tell them everything about my trip.  I came to counseling to address my depression and anxiety.  Both are now at bay.  They notice a change in me.  I take the anxiety test again.  This time, instead of being in the 99th percentile among males I'm in the 65th - an over 33 point drop.

As a small "thank you" for all of their help along the way I give them an olive tree leaf I picked up from the Garden of Gethsemane.  I tell them that I will pray on how to proceed in our counseling sessions and whether or not to discontinue them.

On our first day back at HomeFront Church Mark, Richard, and I wear our Kippahs.  Richard comes up to me and asks, "Mike, have you been dreaming about Israel?"

"Yes!" I exclaim.  "I dreamt about it last night.  In my dreams I visit a place back home but it's Israel, too.  It's as if they've melded together."

Richard nodded, "Yes, me too!"

In fact, I dream about Israel every night for over a week after I return.

As time passes I realize that we got out of Israel just in time.  On July 22nd, 2014, as rockets from Hamas head toward Tel Aviv Airport (which we used), the FAA halts flights in and out of Israel.  In fact, when the decision is made, a flight one hour from Tel Aviv is rerouted instead to Paris, France.  As I watch the news it feels surreal to see the GPS flight path that I took (and watched from my plane's TV screen) be sent off course.  Israel's Iron Dome stops most of the rocket fire, but not all.  The Iron Dome is a missile defense system designed to intercept and destroy incoming short-range rockets and artillery shells in the southern Israeli city of Ashdod.  Terrorists also begin emerging from secret underground tunnels inside Israel's border.  These acts of war force the Jewish people to defend themselves from invasion and destruction at the hands of their Arab neighbors.





The war in Israel escalates.  Hamas sends rocket after rocket into the holy land.  Israel returns fire, but the Hamas terrorists have positioned their rocket launchers in heavily populated civilian areas near schools, mosques and U.N. buildings.  Controversy emerges as some get angry at Israel's collateral damage.  As Israeli President Netanyahu puts it, "Here’s the difference between us. We’re using missile defense to protect our civilians, and they’re using their civilians to protect their missiles."  The Israeli Defense Force would later find manuals in the terrorist tunnels explaining the positive benefits of having rocket launchers next to civilians.

Below is a videos explaining The Middle East Problem:




So who does the land belong to?  And how have so few Jews held off such an overwhelming amount of Muslims?  For your answer read Genesis 15.  Whatever happens, God is in control of this land - He holds all the cards.

Remember Yossi, the citizen of Jerusalem who also happened to be Kenric's friend?  Recall how Yossi's sons (members of the elite IDF reserve unit) happen to be specially trained to deal with terrorist tunnels using dogs with cameras strapped to their heads.  Needless to say, they have been activated.  I can't begin to imagine the horror of clearing out terrorist tunnels, not knowing what you will find around the next bend, searching for a people that are willing to commit suicide bombings.  Here are excerpts from a letter Yossi sent to a friend, which Kenric gained possession of and shared with us:

I myself can't find peace for my soul, I wish someone call me to assist in something
all my feelings and emotions are about those 2 boys now, nothing else-
and I can't think of anything clear- not work, studies, job, project, client or any other duty
sometime I need to hide the wet that fill my eyes,

...

Sometimes my thoughts goes, from time to time, more and more, to a far places like-

where I have to take or send them? Where to? which place on the globe? Where overseas?

Where our people could live normal life, where they will have better [future], better life?

of cours I can't speak with them about it- they too proud and confident of themselves, of been part of our nation and history, proud of their grandfather- my father, who fought for our nation independence

so they sure reject such ideas and protest of any such thoughts

the point is that they are young without children yet and when they will have families it sure will to b- too late

...

Here's an excerpt from another letter:

Our 2 boys are now deep inside, leading our troops to look for the tunnels, bunkers and underground rocket bases

I drove yesterday again to the south, look 4 them in their different units

Few hours of driving in the desert, just 4 few minutes of staying with them

Few minutes just for look to their sweat sunburnt faces,

Few seconds for look into their pure beauty eyes

Few minutes for Stay with them hear them encourage them

Few minutes To embrace their strong bodies till they had to run 2 there duty.

Meanwhile, at Church service one morning, we learn that on an upcoming Sunday night we will hold an Israel "After Glow" get together at Church.  Folks will have the opportunity to taste Israeli food, watch slide shows from the trip, see souvenirs, and even hear from a panel.  Not too long after learning about this I'm approached by Pastor Josh to be on the said panel.  I agree to do it.  On the same day Pastor Josh asks me to participate, Matt Dahm also asks me to be one of the two people baptizing him in an upcoming ceremony through HomeFront.

At the "After Glow" I see many of the same folks that made the journey to the holy land.  It feels like a reunion of sorts.  On the floor of our Church lobby is a map of Israel made of masking tape.  TV's are setup around the map which play slide shows from that particular region of the map.  A food table has the Church smelling like falafels and other Mediterranean delights.  When it comes time for the panel, the six of us, including Mark and I, make our way up front.  Jen, being the awesome girlfriend that she is, takes on the daunting task of keeping my kids (Josie, Brynn, and James) in line.  Below is a video showing the last portion of the panel presentation (you can often hear my kids in the background).




Awhile later Kenric shares another correspondence from Yossi that he has obtained.  Here it is in its entirety:

Shalom to all of you over the Ocean,

First of all to say shalom and hope for shalom to you all.

Second, to let you know that my family and me are ok.

Our elder boy- Or (Light- 32), is still under 'Rule no. 8'- (National call for Active Duty), after he was called in emergency order for active duty, so he is now more than 40 days, served as an officer of one of our best unit, which leads the battles against Terror missions.

His young brother- our young son- Hen- (Nice/ Cute- 27) was called too for active duty, but was release after 32 days.

Now he is refresh and rest in his house, waiting in Stand By- wave no 2' (6 hour to join force) they [both] serve in the same special unit.

So as I can expect you all can imagine how my family is [living]- following the open TV – 24 hr D/N, tide (24 hr) to the Radio news and [announcements] for running to the shelters, jumping to any Phone rings- desire to hear from the boys, suspect from any strange calls, frightening from the news to come….

In such a situation, you can't [really live] normally, including not doing any reasonable Acoustic work.

The Rockets carry on to fall on our cities, villages, Kibbuzes, day by day, day by night, every hour.

Try to imagine what is the meaning of 50-100-150-200 rockets a day, on your home towns- New York or Boston or Los Angeles or Dallas.

More then 3 million people are expose to the direct hit of those rockets, and 5 million people are living under the instructions of where, when and how to run into shelters, in 15-60 seconds from the Cyrene (depend how far u r from Gaza strip).

Kindergartens, schools and complete cities, are exposed every second- day and night, to this Terror shooting, which is direct as possible is to hit and heart as much people- citizens as possible- no matter Childs, olds, young's, mans or woman's- Just to kill people, and as much as possible, in brutal way, in the name of their believe.

Ill not carry on with this descriptions. But to say that this brutal terror is the enemy of all the free western world, and we must stand in front of it, to fight back and hit back, so they will not raise theire heads, and will not carry on from their desire for killing and 'Gihad' war.

The Hamas is the young cousin of the 'Hezbollah' in Lebanon, brother of 'Hadash' in Syria and Iraq.

We all believe strongly that we shall overcome, no matter how much effort and sacrificed need, and we will hit this young cousin soon.

[Except] our biggest enemy in the past together with Jordan, Arab Saudi and many others who know this Muslim Gihad [movements are] supporting us now. They are afraid of the days after. So we all [believe] that together with USA we will b able to work for new [horizon].

Life in the United States goes on.  I continue to play hockey on Tuesday nights.  One day, I'm approached to play for a travel team.  We would journey one weekend a month to different cities in the mid-west.  I feel the urge to return to my tower, to take on too much again.  I start convincing myself it would be okay.  I could miss Church once a month and figure out a way to pick up the kids later on that Sunday.  I could find a way to afford travel expenses...  No.  God did not give me time so I could overfill it again.  The temptation passes.

More temptations come.  Election day comes and I feel the drive to become more involved and knowledgeable about politics again.  Additionally, one of my MiVDF military buddies calls me, he tries to convince me to return to active duty, saying it's only one Saturday a month for training...  But deep down I know it's more, it always is.  Something that seems small tends to steal away moments here and there.  These things fill my head and they distract.  I push these things back into the rubble of my fallen tower.

On the day of Matt's baptism I have he and his wife Holly over for lunch with Jen, myself, and my kids.  Later that day we gather as a Church at a picturesque beachfront home.  Several members of our Church are being baptized today including many adolescents.  Matt had been baptized before, but he really didn't understand the meaning behind it.  He has since committed his life to the Lord and has been an amazing encouragement to me during the darkest part of my life, which happened to coincide with his revival.  I will forever recall how the Holy Spirit prompted Matt to call me one day at just the right time when both of our lives were changing.  It was an honor being a groomsman in his wedding, and it's an honor baptizing him along with Pastor Josh.

Josh and I baptize Matt Dahm.

Sometime later, when my ex-wife picks up the kids one day, I ask her a question that I dread to ask but am too curious to deny myself from asking:  "What was John's reaction to the cup?"

She tells me that he is grateful.  He said that it's not something he would have done if the shoe were on the other foot.  He feels like a piece of shit.  He kept the cup.  My ex-wife tells me that she is also grateful.

After she drives off with the kids I go back in the house.  I'm angry and I'm sad.  I cry.  I throw a book against the wall.  Did you expect these emotions from me?  Understand, in me telling you my story, it's not that I no longer get sad anymore about what I've gone through.  Through-out this mess I've been to 5 different counselors, taken 4 different medications, and seen the Hand of God move in my life and yet the World remains a broken place.  But, I do have weapons to fight the brokenness now.  When I feel a call to return to my old life and its tower, I mentally travel over the Atlantic Ocean and into the Jordan River where I see myself rise out of the water.  When I think about my ex-wife and our lost life together I remember that my wedding band is wedged into the Wailing Wall and rests far far away sitting as a sacrifice to God.  And when any bitterness creeps in I remember the communion cup and decide not to worry about what others think about me; I will love them anyway - and this fills me with joy.  There is a joy that comes from self-giving sacrifice.  My ring is gone and I am His.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.  -Psalm 27:6

I'm not sure what effect my story of grace will have on my ex-wife and John, but perhaps the seed of hope has been planted.  Maybe when John finds himself in one of life's valleys he will look up and see the chalice and wonder who this Jesus person is.

His Work Here is Done

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 1:4-6

I could have slept in until 8 A.M. but instead I'm up at 6 A.M.  Adventure awaits.

As I come to the last day of this pilgrimage something surprises me:  I have not read a lot of my Bible on this trip except to look up verses to go with pictures.  No, I haven't read my Bible, I've lived it.  God has done a great work in me in the Promise Land.

I've dreamt about my ex-wife again last night.  This time, however, things were friendly.  When I think about what has happened to me on this trip I'm overwhelmed by who God is and what He's done.  Others in our group want to stay in Israel; I'm ready to go home.  I hope to one day return to this land.  Some in our group would return next month if they could.  My trip feels complete.  His work here with me is done, and oh what a praise-worthy work!  Already there is talk about coming back in 2 years.  If HomeFront plans that trip, I will in all likelihood go.  There's so much more to see!  But for now, I'm ready to go home.  There's an item I have to deliver to my ex-wife to give to her boyfriend.

Going into this trip I had some very high expectations.  Typically, this is a recipe for a letdown.  Instead, God blew my expectations out of the water.  The prayer answered here is one that I have prayed and prayed for again and again over the last year and a half.  I had my doubts that it would ever be answered.  This trip changed my life.

The Temple Mount

While the rest of the group sleeps, Mark and I join Pastor Josh and Pastor Flick, along with Josh's parents in the hotel lobby.  The Temple Mount is not a location that we can bring 60 people to.  If too many people show up the Muslims will close it off.  Jews are not allowed to pray there, per the orders of the Muslims running it.  That's why Jews choose to pray at the Wailing Wall; it's the closest they can get to the place where sat the Ark of the Covenant.

The six of us file into two separate cabs.  The cabs take us as close to the Temple Mount as they can.  We get out to take the rest of the trek on foot.  Jerusalem can seem like a maze of multilevel streets and alleyways to someone visiting.  We begin to maneuver through the ancient city, stopping often to ask for directions.

Josh asks an Israeli soldier for directions.

Flick asks a group of Jewish men for directions.

We work our way closer and closer to the Temple Mount.

In order to get up onto the Temple Mount we must pass through no less than 3 security check points.  It's amazing how important this section of land is to Jews, Christians, and Muslims.  This was the location of both Temples to the LORD.  Solomon's Temple was destroyed by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.  The second Temple was built by Nehemiah and Ezra and later refurbished by King Herod.  That Temple was destroyed by the Romans in 70 A.D. and a temple to the false god Jupiter was built in its place.  Currently, the Dome of the Rock sits on the Temple Mount.  The Muslims believe that the rock within the Dome is the site where the Prophet Muhammad ascended to Heaven accompanied by the angel Gabriel.  The Muslim faith was derived circa 600 A.D. when Muhammad took the Judeo-Christian faith and crafted his own religion out of it, making changes as he saw fit.  The whole situation is very similar to Joseph Smith in the 1800's and the creation of the Mormon religion.

When we at last arrive onto the Temple Mount, a soldier immediately walks up to Mark and pulls him aside.  Mark is wearing shorts in a holy place that requires knees to be covered.  The soldier leads Mark away.  Several minutes pass.  It's unclear to the rest of us where Mark has been brought or if he will be allowed to come back.  Finally Mark reappears.  He walks up to us wearing what can best be described as a skirt.  He has just bought himself a $7 souvenir.

Thankfully Mark was not beheaded.  Even worse, he was forced to wear a dress to go with his Charlie Brown T-Shirt.

A Swiss Banker that we met while waiting in line at a security check point is kind enough to take our photo in front of the Dome of the Rock.

The Temple is no longer here, but now, WE are the Temple!  The presence of God once dwelt between the Cherubim inside the holiest of holies.  Now, the Holy Spirit dwells inside those who have taken Jesus up on His offer.  I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit guided me on this trip.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.  -1 Corinthians 3:16-17

Jewish Holocaust Museum

We arrive back at King Solomon's hotel just in time to grab a quick breakfast before our bus sets off.  Our first stop as a group will be the Jewish Holocaust Museum.  This is a required visit of any tour group visiting Israel.  Antisemitism still exists today and 70 years later there are people who deny that the Holocaust ever happened.

When we arrive Juda gives us a tour of the grounds.  He explains that once inside there will be no photography allowed.  Also, we will have free reign to walk the museum as we please (this is not a guided tour).

We enter the Children's Memorial.  I follow the path through the dark room.  Mirrors are meant to make it seem as if we are surrounded by 1.5 million candles (1.5 million children were killed in the Holocaust).  The darkness and mirrors make me a bit disoriented as I try to keep my balance.  The path is crowded.  From 9 A.M. until 5 P.M. each day, names of the lost children are read.  It takes an entire year to read them all.  A disembodied voice reads off a name, hometown, and age.  In the darkness, the first child I hear read is 5 years old.  Instantly I see my 5 year old daughter Josie.  As I move solemnly through the Children's Memorial I hear two children mentioned that are but 1 year old.  I see my son James, a 1 year old toddler.  I'm glad it's dark because my tears are falling.  I am looking into the face of how fallen this world is.

My children do not know about the Holocaust yet.  It breaks my heart that they have to be exposed to this.  They need to know about this one day, but today they are innocent and naive about just how fallen this world is.  One day they will know that this did happen.  The Germans were meticulous in their book keeping.  This museum houses their records.  This museum holds the evidence of something unthinkable.

As I traverse the main section of the museum I am constantly bumping into people.  This place is crowded.  No doubt the layout and stone walls are meant to make visitors feel like they are in a gas chamber.  As I walk along I am bombarded with photographs, black and white videos, interviews from survivors, and World War 2 paraphernalia...  After a while, I'm sorry to say, you get numb to the images.  But then, out of nowhere, you see an image that crushes your soul.

A German soldier prepares to execute a woman who is holding her child in her arms.

I want to go home.  I want to scoop my children up in my arms.  They're still little enough that I can hold all 3 at the same time.  My kids have had a taste of tragedy with going through their parents' divorce, but nothing like this.  God, thank you for waiting until the last day of the trip to show me this place, for I fear I would have wanted to come home earlier.

Israel Museum

Next we head to the Israel Museum.  Outside they have built something that captivates me.  Josh had told me about this but I had completely forgotten about it.  Ahead of me sits a 50:1 scale model of the City of Jerusalem circa 66 A.D. which was during the time of the Roman Revolt which lead to the destruction of the Temple in 70 A.D.  This is Jerusalem at the height of its grandeur, right before all was lost.

After spending the last few days exploring Jerusalem it is pretty amazing to gaze at this model.  It serves as a recap of the visit.  I point things out, "That's the Golden Gate!"  I cannot stop snapping photos as I move around the city, changing angles and discovering new places.  Below are some of my favorites.


Inside the museum awaits a priceless treasure:  the Dead Sea Scrolls.  I had seen the scrolls when they came to Grand Rapids in 2003 but had been too immature in my walk with God to fully appreciate them.  Their discovery meant that we had a copy of the Old Testament Scriptures that was 1000 years older than our previous oldest copy.  Their prophesy in the scroll of Isaiah was likely written on parchment before Jesus came yet describes His coming.  The scrolls contain portions from all but 1 Old Testament book; the book of Esther is missing (a late add to the canon).  Additional scrolls were found as well including:

• Never before seen Psalms attributed to David and Joshua.
• The last words of Joseph, Judah, Levi, Naphtali, and Amram (the father of Moses).
• The Copper Scroll which contains the location of 64 underground hiding places that are said to contain silver, gold, aromatics and manuscripts (treasures from the Temple).
• There are also new stories about Enoch, Abraham and Noah, including an explanation of why God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son.
• And the War Scroll which describes a final battle between the "Sons of Light" and the "Sons of Darkness."

In order to preserve the scrolls they are kept in a special building which resembles the shape of one of the clay jars in which the scrolls were originally found.  This Shrine of the Book is kept at a specific humidity by water that is sprayed onto the roof.  The building is painted white to represent the "Sons of Light" (whom the people of Qumran called themselves).  Near the building sits a black wall which represents the "Sons of Darkness" (whom the people of Qumran considered their enemies).

On my way to Jerusalem we made a stop in Qumran where the scrolls were found.  On my last day in Jerusalem we visit the Shrine of the Book where the scrolls are kept.

The Shrine of the Book representing the "Sons of Light."

A wall representing the "Sons of Darkness."

We exit the museum and load onto the buses.  The time has come to leave Jerusalem.  I will always remember this city fondly.  I will always remember with praise the work that was done here in me, from the Garden of Gethsemane, to the Wailing Wall, to the Garden Tomb.  His work here is done, but there's more work to do at home.  Amazing.  How great is our God!  Gadol Elohai!

The Valley of Elah

We have one final Biblical location to visit, located 45 minutes southwest of Jerusalem:  the Valley of Elah.

Now Jesse said to his son David, “Take this ephah of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread for your brothers and hurry to their camp. Take along these ten cheeses to the commander of their unit. See how your brothers are and bring back some assurance from them. They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines.”  - 1 Samuel 17:17-19

Our group exits the buses and walks toward the valley.  Juda surmises that the ten cheeses were actually a bribe to encourage Saul to place David's brothers in a safer section of combat for the upcoming battle.  I try and imagine the armies of Israel on one side and the armies of the Philistines (including Goliath) on the other side.  I see the stream where David fetched 5 smooth stones.  Because of the drought, the stream currently sits dry.

Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine. - 1 Samuel 17:40

The Valley of Elah.	Pastor Flick reads the story of David & Goliath from Juda's Bible.
The stream where David gathered the 5 stones dried up in the drought.	A stone from the stream the size of which would have been used in a sling.

At this point in Israel's history their soldiers wielded bronze weapons (with the exception of Saul & Jonathan) while the Philistines, who had discovered the secret of smelting iron, had superior iron swords.  An iron sword could completely sever one made of bronze.  The Israelites would not be able to rely on their weapons to defeat this army; only God could deliver them.

Not a blacksmith could be found in the whole land of Israel, because the Philistines had said, “Otherwise the Hebrews will make swords or spears!” So all Israel went down to the Philistines to have their plow points, mattocks, axes and sickles sharpened. The price was two-thirds of a shekel for sharpening plow points and mattocks, and a third of a shekel for sharpening forks and axes and for repointing goads.

So on the day of the battle not a soldier with Saul and Jonathan had a sword or spear in his hand; only Saul and his son Jonathan had them.

- 1 Samuel 13:19-22

When Goliath offered up his challenge I have a sneaky suspicion he anticipated Saul would step out to face him.  But Saul knew that the Spirit of the Lord had departed from him and he did not want to die.  Enter the young shepherd boy David who fought in the name of the Lord.  Historians know that the tribe of Benjamin, from which Saul descended, were experts in the use of the sling.  Isn't it ironic that instead of Saul someone from the tribe of Judah emerged with a sling?  God has a tendency to use those we would least expect to accomplish His will.  More than anything this story emphasizes (for me) that God defeated Goliath; David had only to do what the Spirit led him to do.

When I came to Israel I was battling anxiety and bitterness.  But I gave that battle to the Lord and followed His leading.  David's battle against Goliath was not won by a stone, it was won by the Lord.  My battle with my personal Goliath was also won by the Lord.  I still had to enter the battle, I just had to come in the name of the Lord.  My advice to those who face a Goliath (be it anxiety, depression, bitterness, or something else) is to engage the Lord's leading and enter the battle.

David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.  - 1 Samuel 17:43

Before I leave I enter the stream.  Because it has dried this year I have access to the middle of it.  I look for a small stone as smooth and as round as I can.  Passing over several, I find one I'm happy with and keep it as a souvenir.

Our Last Supper

One of several tables at our last meal in Israel.

For our last meal in Israel we eat at a nice Hebrew restaurant (I can't pronounce the name).  They serve us a 4 course meal as we reflect on our adventure.  Part of that reflection involves remembering the first 2 days and our struggle to get here.  It seems like a month ago.  As the journey comes to an end I can say with confidence that it was all worth it.

As our buses make their way to the Tel Aviv Airport the sun sets over Israel.  Likewise, the sun sets on our adventure.  I can hardly believe my eyes as we pull up to our gate:  we have to enter Tel Aviv through gate 33.  I feel God saying, "Hello.  I'm in control."

We leave Israel through gate 33 at Tel Aviv Airport.

My suit case is checked and I think of the souvenirs and pictures that I'm bringing home.  More important than what I'm bringing home with me is what I'm leaving behind.  All that bitterness and anxiety can stay put in the Wailing Wall.  Farewell.  My cup over flows; You led me to the Promise Land, both literally and figuratively.  This adventure may be over but my new life has just begun.

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.  -Psalm 94:19

Our plane touches down in the United States at the Detroit Airport.  Out of all the terminals in the airport we exit our plane through a symbolic one:  the terminal where we were originally told that we couldn't go to Israel.  I remember Pastor Mike's words on that day, “I’m sorry.  The trip has been cancelled.  You just can’t fit 60 people onto another plane.  I’m sorry.  The planes heading out to Tel Aviv over the next 3 days are all full.  Barring a miracle there just isn't a way.”

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.  -Psalm 84:5

The time nears to deliver the chalice to my ex-wife to give to her boyfriend.

Forgiven

"There is nothing more Christ-like on the face of planet earth than forgiveness. Nothing."  -Chuck Swindoll

Today we dress in long pants, not because it's cold, but because we will be visiting several holy sites (we aren't allowed to show our knees).  We will walk the path of Jesus from the Last Supper to Golgotha ("Place of the Skull").  I make the decision to take fewer pictures today and be more reserved.  Jesus suffered greatly on the path I'm about to walk.  He was the same age as I, 33.

Today is also the Shabbat, which started at nightfall yesterday and lasts until nightfall today.  Since no work is allowed on the Shabbat, and apparently pushing elevator buttons is considered work, there is a Shabbat Elevator in the hotel.  The elevator automatically stops at each floor back and forth.  Thankfully I did not accidentally ride this elevator because our building is very tall.  Another culture shock was that wine was served at breakfast.

The Last Supper

Pastor Flick teaches outside the traditional location of the Upper Room.

Our first stop on the path is the Upper Room where Jesus and his disciples had the Last Supper.  This is a traditional location that was actually built by the crusaders.  When we arrive we are told that we cannot enter.  I wasn't clear why, but it had something to do with a debate about the keys between Jewish sects.  So, we instead gather just outside the Upper Room and Pastor Flick delivers a message.  Flick has us imagine that we are with the ones we love, having a last supper.  Our loved ones have no idea that this is the last meal that we will have together.  I imagine Jen and I sitting at a table with my three kids.  Oh, what joy I would have at that meal, savoring every tiny moment, but at the same time what sorrow, knowing I would have to go.

By now I am deep into my trip overseas and I am missing my loved ones immensely.  I miss Josie and her drive to have everything in the correct spot.  I miss Brynn and the sweet love she shows to everyone.  I miss James and how he tells me, "No!" when he needs a diaper change.  And I miss Jen and her little quirks, like the way she holds her hand at her forehead when she's trying to remember something.

I love them, but I had been able to love anyone that God put in front of me.  Oh, how I miss being able to love others fully.  Recall that when I first met John, before I knew anything, I had loved him.  But a wall has been up ever since I woke up to the truth about my then wife.  The wall prevents me from showing that kind of love anymore.  When Jesus was on earth He modeled life by serving out of love.  God is love.  He washed his disciple's feet in the Upper Room (John 13:1-17).  Oh, to be able to love like Jesus was able to love others.  Not long ago I wanted to show my love to Jen so I washed her feet.  I think it meant a lot to her.  I desire to live a life of love and to love life.

When Pastor Flick finishes delivering his message we receive news that the doors to the Upper Room have been unlocked.  Our group files upstairs and spends a short while here.  This isn't the true Upper Room; I consider the meaning behind the place rather than the place.  This day is more than just about visiting historical sites.

This is the only picture I took in the Upper Room.  I took very few pictures on this day so that I could focus spiritually on the path of Christ.

An excavation is happening nearby.  The search continues to find the true Upper Room.

Just before leaving the Upper Room, Jesus prayed for the disciples, but He also prayed for me, and for all believers (John 17:20-26).

The House of Caiaphas

 

As we make the trek to the house of the High Priest Caiaphas we pass by several "graves" (see below) of High Priests.  I imagine Jesus walking passed these giant tombs, under arrest by soldiers.  Jesus spent much of His ministry fighting the religious establishment.  As Jesus walked to His death He would have been reminded by these tombs that the High Priests considered themselves to be like pharaohs.

A High Priest's Tomb

Outside the House of Caiaphas is the courtyard where Peter warmed himself.

After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.”

He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.”

Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept.

-Mark 14:70b-72

We arrive at the House of Caiaphas.  Juda makes it a point to express that this truly is the real House of Caiaphas.  Since Juda has done a great job up until now of pointing out the untrue locations I consider his opinion to be credible.  One reason Juda is convinced is because the cistern in the house has been turned into a holding cell.  Juda points to the Broken Cistern Prophesy in Jeremiah.

"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.  -Jeremiah 2:13

By this point in the Walk of Christ, his friends have abandoned him.  Peter has denied him.  Jesus is mocked, spit on and beaten.  What a long night it would have been in this place for Jesus.  Jesus knows what's coming - his crucifixion and bearing the wrath of God.  While Jesus is thinking about these things he is not sitting comfortably in a cell, rather, his hands and feet are bound and he is hung in a standing position.  It is in this place that we solemnly read Psalm 88.


Lord, you are the God who saves me;
    day and night I cry out to you.
May my prayer come before you;
    turn your ear to my cry.

I am overwhelmed with troubles
    and my life draws near to death.
I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
    I am like one without strength.
I am set apart with the dead,
    like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
    who are cut off from your care.

You have put me in the lowest pit,
    in the darkest depths.
Your wrath lies heavily on me;
    you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
You have taken from me my closest friends
    and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;
    my eyes are dim with grief.

I call to you, Lord, every day;
    I spread out my hands to you.
Do you show your wonders to the dead?
    Do their spirits rise up and praise you?
Is your love declared in the grave,
    your faithfulness in Destruction?
Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
    or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

But I cry to you for help, Lord;
    in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Why, Lord, do you reject me
    and hide your face from me?

From my youth I have suffered and been close to death;
    I have borne your terrors and am in despair.
Your wrath has swept over me;
    your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood;
    they have completely engulfed me.
You have taken from me friend and neighbor—
    darkness is my closest friend.

-Psalm 88

In the silence that follows the reading of this Psalm I think of all that God has done for me.  If he had only done what he did here and on the cross that would have been enough.  His grace is enough.  But God keeps raining down His blessings on me.  I remember the voice of my daughter Josie, "Daddy, when is God going to fix your heart?"  God is healing my heart on this trip.  His timing is perfect.  His will is sovereign.  Why does He heal me?  What love is this that you give and give and give some more?  I think about how loudly I will praise his Name one day amongst the angels.

As we are leaving the House of Caiaphas we pass by another group that has just arrived.  I notice that my former co-worker Diane is amongst the group.  I knew she was in Israel but I didn't think I'd actually run into her.  It was a fun moment to share, running into her here.  I think of Jen in this moment because we often play a game when we go out somewhere:  the first person who runs into someone they know wins.  Well, how do you top running into someone you know in the House of Caiaphas?

The Praetorium

After leaving the House of Caiaphas, the hand crafted jewelry merchant several of us had ordered from returns to us with the items he has been working on the last couple of days.  I receive my ring with the Hebrew inscription "Where you go I will follow."  How fitting that I receive this item while on the Path of Christ.  Where you go I will follow, and I'm following your path.  The day before I laid my wedding ring in the Wailing Wall, and today I have a new ring to wear.  Once again God is using symbolism to speak to me because he knows that is what my heart responds to.  Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by all that God is and does that I can't even handle it.

This is the prison where Pilate had Jesus held.  To the right is a "King Game" carved in the floor.

We enter the prison where Pilate had Jesus held.  Inside, Juda teaches us that Roman soldiers played a cruel game with their prisoners called "King Game."  This game used carved paving stone on the floor as spaces.  A soldier played against a prisoner using dice.  The goal of the soldier was to move the king piece to the tower so as to execute him.  If the prisoner won, they got to live another day.  If the soldier won, it was time for the prisoner to die.  It is quite possible that Jesus was forced to play this game - and intentionally lost.  Jesus was in control the whole time.

Via Dolorosa

 

The Via Dolorosa is the route believed to have been taken by Jesus through Jerusalem to Calvary.  This is where my savior carried his cross.  I cannot even begin to know what he suffered.

Arch of Antonia	We pass various stations along the path that the Catholic Church has instated.
Continuing along the Via Dolorosa	Jesus carried the cross through this gate.

In Isaiah 53 Christ's rejection, suffering, and intercession was prophesied.  That scroll was found in Qumran and was likely written before Jesus walked the earth as a man.  As I walk this path I think about why God is telling such an intricate story.  This story is not so much about the What and the Where as it is about the Why.  So then Why?  Why did he bare the cross?  It's been 2000 years, I'm probably walking 33 feet above the Whats and the Wheres anyway.  God has brought me in on His story - by unveiling Israel to me - that's how intricate His story is.  As Christians, we are all a part of the body of Christ and we each have our role (1 Corinthians 12:12-31).  God has a plan for me and my family.  What's the Why?  I'm the Why!  He bore the cross because I am the joy set before him.  You are the Why!  Don't get me wrong, seeing these locations has been amazing.  But, if I miss the Why I've missed everything.  Jesus did this for us because he loves us.  He wants us to have life in abundance - eternal life.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  -Hebrews 12:1-3

The Garden Tomb

They came to a place called Golgotha (which means "the place of the skull"). There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it. When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots. And sitting down, they kept watch over him there.  -Matthew 27:33-36

This had been God's plan all along - the cross.

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."  -Genesis 3:15

This was God's plan for me all along.  What seems like a long time ago I had rededicated my life and prayed for 2 things:  more time to make disciples and for my then wife to experience the grace of God.  To answer these prayers He had to lead me to the cross.  So here I stood in the Garden Tomb next to the Place of the Skull where Jesus was crucified.  Our group sat together in the garden near Jesus' tomb and Pastor Mike began to teach.  His message was on forgiveness.  Pastor Mike stressed that forgiveness is NOT free.  It's not free - but we do not have to pay the price.  Jesus paid our ransom.  Pastor Mike spoke about how perhaps we may have been severely wronged and today we sit buried under the weight of that wrong.  It was as if he was speaking directly to me.  "Perhaps you think 'I can't forgive you, it hurts too much'," Pastor Mike spoke into my heart.

It was time to be honest with myself.  I had told my ex-wife that I forgave her - for the affair, for the financial loss, for the abandonment, for the effect on the kids.  But had I really?  I had meant what I said when I said it.  "I forgive you," I had told her many times.  I wasn't lying.  I wanted it to be true.  But then what is this bitterness I have in my heart?  Why do I want to see her suffer and hurt like me?  Why do I want John to cheat on her?  Why do I want her life to tumble into a miserable pile of defeat under the weight of what she did?  Because even though I wanted to forgive her I had not yet done so.  How many times have I prayed to God over the last year and a half, "Lord, please take away this bitterness.  Please clear my mind of these thoughts that roll around in my head.  I can't get rid of them without you!  I hate them.  Please take away my burden."  But my prayers were not answered.  The bitterness sits there like an anchor caught in the mud.  If it was a switch I could just turn off I would.  Bitterness is such a burdensome emotion.  It prevents one from loving and laughing and living.

I lean over to Kenric who is sitting next to me, tears pouring down my face, "Kenric, I haven't forgiven her."  Communion is brought out and set before our group.  "Now's the time," I tell him.

I walk up and pick up the elements, including a little olive wood chalice filled with juice.  We have already been told that we get to keep the cup to take home with us.  We all return to our seats.

God has surprised me with this one.  I knew I was going to get baptized in the Jordan.  I knew I was going to place my wedding ring in the Wailing Wall.  But I did not see this coming.  Just yesterday I had prayed for God to take away my burden.  I had written the prayer on a note and wrapping it around my wedding ring and placed the prayer inside the Wailing Wall.  It was a prayer I had prayed many, many times.  God's timing is perfect.  It is time for that prayer to at long last be answered.  The time to release my ex-wife from her debt is here.

As I take the bread I think of Jesus' beaten body and his great suffering for me.  I don't deserve to be forgiven by God, but He went to great lengths to make me right with Him.  He forgave me.  My ex-wife does not deserve my forgiveness.  What she did was far too unimaginably awful.  But I am going to forgive her anyway.  As I drink from the chalice I think of the blood of Christ that washes me clean as if I have never sinned.  I likewise think of my forgiveness for my ex-wife, and also for John.  I drink in my forgiveness for both of them.

I feel light, like I can float away.  The burden washes away.  At long last it washes away!  I didn't realize how heavy the burden truly was until it is gone.  Whatever these shoulders were carrying, it is gone.  I love my ex-wife.  And I also love John - again.  My heart drowns in love as I forgive both of them.  The last time I felt this way, this much love, was before I knew about the affair, at the Winter Walk, when I was full of the Spirit and loving everyone God put in front of me.  At the Winter Walk we sang the song "10,000 Reasons" when it was time to gather together.  And now, right after communion, Pastor Flick leads us all in singing "10,000 Reasons."  Hello God.

As a group we stand and begin walking toward the Place of the Skull.  Kenric asks, "Did you forgive her?"

I smile, "Yes."

"Can I pray for you?"  he asks.

"Of course," I smile.

As we walk he places his arm around me and prays.  When we get to the place where our tour guide is going to speak next I can't sit down.  Everyone is sitting but I am standing.  I'm so light and free.  The Holy Spirit moves in me and tells me what I am to do:  I am to give the wooden chalice, which I drank the forgiveness from, to John.  Yes, to the man who ruined my family, took my wife and left me broken.  To him I would give this cup.  The revelation surprises me and also fills me with great joy.  What forgiveness is this that I am able to do such a thing?  I love John and I want him to have it.


Next the group walks through the garden to the tomb that once held Christ's body.  We take turns going in.  Mark and I go in together.  Nope, Christ isn't in here.  Hallelujah, he's not in here!

I exit the Garden Tomb.  In my right hand I'm holding the olive wood chalice.

At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid.  Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there.  -John 19:41-42

When I come out of the tomb I find Pastor Josh, "Hey, can I talk to you back at the hotel?  I want to tell you what's been happening."

As the buses leave some of our group decides to travel to the Old City to do some shopping while others go back to the hotel.  I'm ready to go home.

As I talk to Josh back at the hotel he tells me, "Some people have come on this trip because they want to See.  But it's never been that for you, not even in the beginning.  This has been more than turning your Bible into a comic book.  As we've gone to locations, people will go check it out for themselves, but then they'll come up to me and ask how is Mike doing / what is he feeling / experiencing?"

"I hope one day I can be as encouraging to my Church family as they have been to me through this trial," I tell him.

Josh shakes his head, "I can tell you that it's been the other way around."

This night will be our last in a hotel room.  After tomorrow's explorations we will be hopping on a plane and heading home.  So, we gather as a group in one of the hotel's conference rooms.  We discuss the plans and details about tomorrow, our last day in Israel.  We learn that we get to sleep in tomorrow morning.

Mark, who's sitting next to me, says, "I have to tell you something up in the room.  It's for selective ears."  I'm intrigued.

The group now has a chance to share testimonies.  A few of us speak, including me.  As briefly as I can I explain what God had done for me the last two days, both at the Wailing Wall and at the Garden Tomb.  When I tell everyone that my burden is gone they applaud their praise to God.

Pastor Flick gets up in front of the group.  I have never told him anything about the loss of my ability to love everyone put in front of me.  Yet, the words that come out of his mouth are, "I want us to go around the group, and just give each other a hug, and tell them you love them."  Hello God.

With joy in my heart, I walk the room.  Going up to people, some I know, some I don't, I look them straight in the eye and truthfully say, "I love you."  Then I fold my arms around them.  Bitterness no longer defines my feelings, the love of Christ does.  Thank you God.

As I'm embracing someone I don't know she tells me, "Your story has really inspired someone here."

"Really?"  I smile.  I have no idea who.

On our last night in Israel we take a picture of our team.  From left to right:  Mark, Myself, Christine, Jordan, Pastor Flick & Pastor Josh.

The sun has set and the Shabbat is over.  Mark and I head up to our room.

"So what is this top secret thing you had to tell me?"  I ask him.

"Flick and Josh are going to try to get up onto the Temple Mount tomorrow morning," he explains.  "Do you want to go?"

"The Muslim controlled Temple Mount?" I ask him.  "Yes.  How?"

So much for sleeping in.