That Day

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock.  - Deuteronomy 8:10-15

Jen and I's wedding.  One Day there will be a great wedding banquet for all the saints.  Oh glorious Day!

5 years ago today I left Israel.  God had done a great work in me there.  I will never forget it.  It's also been about 4 and a half years since I last wrote in this blog, entitled "33."  I stopped at the 32nd post for quite some time.  I left off writing about an uncertain future, and not knowing where I was going to land.  I'm 38 years old now and it's time to write post 33.

A lot has happened in the last 5 years - and not just in my life but in the lives of some of the main characters.  I served as an elder at HomeFront Church for three years.  Jen and I were married and we bought a home in Alto, MI.  Once I finished my elder term it was time to say farewell to HomeFront as I no longer lived near it.  I really grew in my faith there, and learned a lot by serving as elder.  I miss and love all of them dearly.  But the Lord made it clear to me that it was time to go.

	Our New Home

Pastor Josh left, too.  In fact, his last day was also my last.  By coincidence, or divine planning, the last Sunday of my eldership was his going away party.  He shepherds Hillsdale United Brethren now.  He, too, was called away.

Matt has 2 children now.  He and Holly also were called away - back to their former church body.

Kenric passed away since I last wrote.  He lost a battle with Leukemia and is with the Lord in Paradise.

Mark actually was drawn by lots to serve in my place as elder after I left.  He has remarried as well and moved, although still attends HomeFront.

Like geese we fly together for a time and then we don't.  Our path isn't always the one we expect.  But ultimately, those found in Christ all arrive at the same destination.

So much has changed.  On the day my life fell apart I said to Pastor Josh that I felt like Job.  What I meant by that wasn't that my situation was the same as Job's.  I had explained that the first tragedy that happened in my life occurred when I was running the race at my fastest.  I decided never to curse God, but instead lean into Him.  The other day God reminded me of that thought as I looked around my land.  I had to laugh as I counted up all the chickens, ducks, pets and humans living in the house (the total was 24).  "Not quite the same as a thousand yoke of oxen," I mused.  But then I stopped and got serious.  "No, but to me it is.  It's the same."  An overwhelming feeling of God's provision and care washed over me and the only reasonable response was worship.

The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.  - Job 42:12a

As I've said before, God heals people differently.  The way he healed me won't be the same way He'll heal you.  But I will tell you, that no matter what you are facing, if you are in Christ, eternal life is now.  You can have a joy despite the situation.  You can have a peace that surpasses understanding.

One of the coolest things I was able to do at HomeFront was give a sermon on anxiety.  It all started during the "You Asked For It" series when people could give Pastor Josh sermon requests.  As you will recall from my blog, I tested in the top 99% for anxiety among males.  Well, Josh needed some people to fill in for him for a couple of weeks while he was gone.  Kyle, one of the elders, suggested I give a sermon.  I was very surprised, but the more I prayed and thought about it, the more I realized that the Spirit was going to help me give the very anxiety sermon that I had requested.  While the Spirit's message that day helped a lot of people, it may have helped me the most.  I think it's so cool the lengths to which God goes to in order to look after his children.  Below is the service containing that sermon.

Since leaving HomeFront I have taken a respite.  I went about a year without attending a Sunday morning service.  Of course I did not give up meeting with my fellow saints.  A small group of us met regularly in what we dubbed "Life at the Table" during which we shared a meal and shared in what God was doing in our lives.  I also helped bring a series to Baker Book House called "Crux Mission" where we talked about our death to sin.  You can view the series on our website at www.cruxmission.org.  Despite these things, ministry has been more one on one.  It has been good.  Sometimes it has been quiet.  I meet with God in a varied and special way 7 times a day (not in a legalistic way, but because I love to).

At HomeFront I was doing tech booth, teaching in the HUB, running social media, serving as elder.  For a time I stepped aside in the woods of Alto.  As John the Baptizer said, "I must become less and less."  I live, I laugh, and I love.  I know God, and I have Him to enjoy forever.  As I tend to this 10 acres which we have dubbed "Heaven's Embassy" my life verse reminds me:

A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God,  - Ecclesiastes 2:24

Jen is pregnant!  We are due on Thanksgiving Day.  We have a lot to be thankful for in life.  We've started attending a local church body.  Who knows what the future holds.  We have dreams of using our property (which is built like a camp) to do foster care and have the youth group over for outings.  But who knows for sure?

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.  - James 4:14

So I toil on, with joy in my heart, knowing that That Day is coming, when the sky will roll back like a scroll, and every knee will bow.  Until then, the most important thing that God has taught me is to love all those He sets before me.

To anyone reading this who is in the same dark place I was, hold onto hope.  Hold onto Christ.  Lean into God.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, not on the waves.  Don't turn to idols.  Jesus can restore, heal, and make beautiful.

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.  - 1 Peter 5:8-11

I look around at my life now and think, "I don't deserve any of this!!!"  I deserved 2013.  I deserved my old life and to be utterly defeated.  God's grace is more than I can express.  Despite what I deserved, God gave me 2014 and forever more.

If you do not know Christ, I know you have a God-sized hole in your life right now.  You try to fill it with temporary highs, but they never satisfy.  There's an emptiness that will not go away.  There is sin in your life that, try as you may, you cannot overcome.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  - Romans 3:23

Going through life without God is empty.  And on That Day, all your sin will still cover you.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  - Romans 6:23

You don't have to clean up your life to come to God.  In fact, without Him, you can't clean up your life!  You need Him first.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  - Romans 5:8

There's only one way out of your situation.  Self-help is not the answer.  The way out is narrow.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.  - Romans 10:9-10

That's the gospel message.  I'm not going to water it down.  Without Jesus you are lost.  And That Day will for you be the worst day imaginable.  But it doesn't have to be that way.  This is a free gift; Jesus paid for it in full.

 for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  - Romans 10:13

If you want to learn more about this free offer, please message me.

So this is my 33rd and final chapter of my blog "33".  This is my testimony.  No one can take it from me.  The worst thing that I could have done would have been to keep it to myself and not share it.  Thank you, God, for leading me and never forsaking me.

The Voice of God

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."  -Isaiah 30:21

Jen tells me a story about an experience that “wrecked” her:

One day I was sitting there talking to God. I was asking Him about what I should do in the future... you know "when I grow up", exploring different avenues with Him. I was curious about all the plans He had for me.

And as I was sitting there, God said, "Hey Jen, I've got the perfect job for you. Do you want to hear it?" Hello! I was pretty stoked. Of course I wanted to hear it. First off, the God of the universe was talking to me and second off, this was going to solve all of life's debates about what the future would hold. He was even going to let me in on the very detail of what career to take part in. "I'm ready to hear this one God! I'm all ears."

His response...

A candy shaped heart. It read, "Be Mine".

Do you ever have trouble discerning the voice of God from the voice of the Enemy?  Or maybe you are like me and know which one is talking but you have trouble choosing the right one.

First of all, when I say voice, I do not mean a vocalization that I can hear with my ears.  When I say “voice” I am referring to promptings from the Spirit – illuminations that tell us the way we should go, or surprise us with prophesy.  In my experience, these events are few and far between.  I have only mentioned a couple in my blog thus far.

Well, I have other experiences to tell you about and as you read it I just want to make sure you know that I am not coming up with these left and right.  These are rare for me and very powerful.

I am playing a game of rec league roller hockey and our team is down 0-3 (I’m the goalie).  Our star forward, Aaron, is missing from this game and it shows.  At one point I see a new player sit down on the bench so I look hopefully to see if it is Aaron (he scored 5 goals for us in the previous game).  Alas, it’s not him.

Suddenly a voice says to me, “You don’t need Aaron, all you need is me.”  I’m mystified, but I obey; when yet another new player shows up on our bench I do not strain to see if it is our star forward (it isn’t him).

Our opponents score yet another goal on me and we now are losing 0-4.  Our team calls a time-out.  But, I don’t go to the bench with my team because the voice tells me to stay in my crease and rest.  I am tired from the multitude of shots and drenched in sweat.  The voice tells me to close my eyes and not to open them until I hear the ref’s whistle.  This is awkward but I obey as an act of faith.  As I rest I feel my heart rate calm.

The voice tells me that all I have to do is what I am here to do.  Nothing more.  The whistle blows.  “Now rise and win,” the voice tells me.

I stand my ground the rest of the game, not trying to do too much – just playing simple hockey.  Our team storms back and ties the game and then wins it in overtime 5-4.  The voice tells me that I am only to tell Jen about this for now.  “Now you know the sound of my voice.  When you get home, call ______.”  (I left the name out on purpose).

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before while playing hockey.

When I get home, I’m still a little dumbstruck by the whole experience and also curious as to why God wants me to call my friend; I don’t have anything to say to my friend tonight.  I hop in the shower and I am not sure whether or not I should call him.  But, the pull is there so I do eventually call him that night.

We speak briefly about the mundane and then the call ends.  Nothing significant is said in the call.  But, later that night, he calls me back.  You see, this friend is someone who reached out to me awhile back, to be an accountability partner in his battle against pornography.  When he called me back he told me that he had started down the path to looking at porn and that for the first time ever, after already starting down the path, he was able to stop.  He was almost in tears with freedom and happiness.

Later on I tell Jen about the incident (including the voice at my hockey game) and she asks if the phone call played a role in him avoiding pornography. I tell her yes, I feel that the phone call was necessary.

A couple of months later I am talking on the phone with that friend again about his struggle with pornography.  The voice gives me permission to tell him about the whole experience of my hockey game.  When I tell my friend that the voice had spoken “do what you are here to do, nothing more” it dawns on me that it was never about the hockey game.  The point was to let Christ win for you.  The whole thing was a metaphor for my friend beating his addiction and winning using only the power of God.

Do what you are here to do, nothing more.

God will guide me and my role is to have faith.  I struggle with this, even after my baptism and despite all the miracles God has done for me in rescuing me from a failed marriage.  After Jesus' baptism he was led into the wilderness to be tempted (Matthew 4:1-11).  My old life calls to me.  It tells me to go after the girls that inevitably break my heart.  The Enemy’s voice tells me to live a hedonistic life.  It tells me that my ex-wife has the World all figured out and I am in the wrong.

I feel like the Israelites who complained in the wilderness after the parting of the Red Sea.  Sometimes I feel a pull to return to Egypt and slavery.

The whole congregation of the Israelites complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots and ate our fill of bread; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger."  -Exodus 16:2-3

If I had accepted my wife’s proposal for an open marriage, threesomes, and pornography, I would be out of communion with God.  The truth is that if I give up my walk with God now for a life of hedonism I will always be grasping for the next high.  I will always remember the miracles God worked in my life.  It would be painful because I would know full well what I gave up.  The World has nothing for me compared to God.

Breaking Bad is a show that my ex-wife and I had always watched together.  When we separated it became financially necessary for me to drop cable TV.  Thus, I had never finished watching the last half of the final season.  Upon learning that the episodes are on Netflix, I finish watching the season.

As the final episode ends, something that my ex-wife and I had shared also comes to an end, even though it’s just a simple show.  After the episode a preview plays advertising an upcoming TV show.  Like Breaking Bad (a show about making meth) this show has content amplifying how broken our World is.

I begin to cry about the brokenness.  Why would I even entertain for a moment the call of the Traitor and the Enemy?  I want to help the World, not be part of the problem.

“God, what can I do?” I cry.  “I’m too small!  I’m not even good at what you ask of me to do.  This World has nothing for me – but the people, the people that you love.”

“Speak to me Lord,” I continue.  “What do you want me to do?”

The Spirit prompts me to take communion and I obey.  A partial peace flows over me.  I ask the Lord to give me an illumination.

I head upstairs.  It’s dark and for the first time tonight I notice that there’s a storm outside.  The Spirit prompts me to go out on my deck.  I open the slider door and step out.  The wind whips the tree tops back and forth.  The rain drops seem large to me.  I hold out my arms and they fall on me like tears.  And then the illumination comes:  God feels the same pain I do for the World.  He’s crying for it, too.

So, what does one do after he’s been rescued?  Does he go back to what knocked him down in the first place?  No, if God gives you a second chance, you do what you are there to do, nothing more.  You certainly don’t go running in the opposite direction.  When the Israelites were rescued from Egypt they sent 12 scouts to spy out the Promise Land before they entered.

This is what they reported to Moses: “We went to the land where you sent us. It really is a land flowing with milk and honey. Here’s some of its fruit. But the people who live there are strong, and the cities have walls and are very large. We even saw the descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev. The Hittites, Jebusites, and Amorites live in the mountain region. And the Canaanites live along the coast of the Mediterranean Sea and all along the Jordan River.”

Caleb told the people to be quiet and listen to Moses. Caleb said, “Let’s go now and take possession of the land. We should be more than able to conquer it.”

But the men who had gone with him said, “We can’t attack those people! They’re too strong for us!” So they began to spread lies among the Israelites about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored is one that devours those who live there. All the people we saw there are very tall. We saw Nephilim there. (The descendants of Anak are Nephilim.) We felt as small as grasshoppers, and that’s how we must have looked to them.”

-Numbers 13:27-33

I have a choice to make.  I can be like the 11 spies who were afraid to enter the Promise Land and missed out on its bounty (God did not let them enter).  Or, I can be like Caleb and not fear, knowing that God will lead the way.  I choose to take a leap of faith and hold to the path.  As my ring says, "Where you go I will follow."

I have never had any desire to sky dive - ever. My stomach drops when I lean over the railing at the top of a light house. Jen purchased two sky dive passes as an engagement gift for her friend Charity and the time has come to sign-up. It was originally supposed to be Jen and Charity who jumped. But, since Jen has already been skydiving (and loved it) she surprises me with an offer to take her jump pass. I am taken aback by the offer. Jen seems so excited for me to do it. Somehow, someway, I say yes. It will be couple of months before I actually get to jump. As the day draws near I think to myself, "What am I doing?"

When the day arrives Jen is giddy with excitement. My stomach is in knots. Both Charity and I's dive instructors have thick Russian accents and it's hard to understand pre-flight instructions (they will be tandem jumping on our backs). I'm thinking to myself, "God, I can't do this without you. Please grant me courage and protection. I'm totally depraved in this without your help." We load into the single engine plane and take-off steeply (very different from the flight to Israel). As we fly around ascending to 10,000 feet I silently pray, "God please catch me. My parachute means nothing, nor does this plane. You alone can save me."

Surprisingly, my heart rate feels normal and my hand is steady. I get caught up in the beauty of the trust God has given me. I wonder how those who do not know the Savior deal with anything big, challenging, or terrifying. I'm actually moved to tears over the awe and majesty of my belonging and assurance.

My tandem instructor begins tightening the straps that hold us together. As the plane rises above the clouds my silent prayers become silent screams, "I am with you!" Who said that? Was it me or God or did we both say it in unison? The plane door opens. Charity moves into position and disappears with a roar out of the plane. The noise and power of her ejection startles me. I keep my eyes on Him - I'm next. Robotically I slide over to the door and fit my long legs out of the plane so that I'm standing on the wing. Below me float billowing mountains of clouds. My instructor taps one of my hands and I let go of the plane with that hand. I know I'm supposed to release with my other hand, too, but I wait for him to tap that one as well. He taps it. I let go. The moment is coming. "OH GOD BE WITH ME. LORD HERE WE GO!" Whoosh!

In my imagination I had pictured the free-fall to be full of terror, but I was wrong. It was instantly fun. I dip forward, head down, then, arching my body like a banana, we stabilize right away (we did not have to deal with a tumble). I receive a tap that lets me know I can release my arms out to the side. Time is relative; it seems too soon but I obey and open my arms. We reach terminal velocity in about 9 seconds but it feels like we reach it immediately. We hurtle to the earth at 120 mph. If not for the air buffeting I would not feel like I was falling at all; without the acceleration I feel still. We burst through the clouds and I look out as far as the eye can see. This is awesome. The parachute opens. Already? We've fallen 5000 feet in about 23 seconds (which seemed like 5 seconds) and now it's time to float down the remaining 5000 feet.

Creation is spread out below me looking like a model in a hobby shop: green fields, roads, tiny cars.  Behind me my tandem instructor begins adjusting straps which makes me nervous as I hang suspended in the midair. I imagine myself falling out of the harness. I turn my thoughts back to God and take in the beauty of the view.

As I float down I again recall standing near the edge of a lighthouse balcony and looking down from the top. Then, my stomach had sank and I wanted nothing to do with it. Logically, this should be worse - but it isn't. Rather, it's breathtaking. As we fall further down I scan the ground and find the airport and even Jen's car. Whoosh! My tandem instructor swings us around by pulling a cord. The G-Force effect is pretty cool but the straps dig in a bit.

I never thought I would ever sky dive - I had no desire. I am thankful that Jen talked me into it. I would go again in a moment's notice. I remember flying in the plane and having complete trust in God. This last year has required complete trust in Him and for sure a leap of faith. He helped me escape an emotionally abusive situation, taught me what I didn't need, taught me forgiveness, rescued me and put me and my kids on a firm foundation.  And all it took was a leap of faith; God took care of the rest.

Password:  33

I often feel like I am still free falling and not sure where I will land.  My ex-wife moved in with her boyfriend which means that on the weekends my kids are spending the night at a house owned by someone she alleges to be a felon.  Each time they are dropped back off to me they reek of cigarettes (he’s a smoker and my ex-wife has taken up the habit as well).  Now and again I have to remind myself, “Hey Michael, don’t worry.  I’m in control.”  -Jesus

The sky diving jump was very symbolic for me and represents my choice to follow God where ever He may lead.  He has made me new, showing me my true self in Christ.

There is beauty in trusting God's voice.  I must keep the faith and make the jump into the Promise Land like Celeb.  That’s what I’m here to do.  God will handle the rest.  Anything else would be like wandering the wilderness.

Now the people of Judah approached Joshua at Gilgal, and Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite said to him, “You know what the Lord said to Moses the man of God at Kadesh Barnea about you and me. I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the Lord sent me from Kadesh Barnea to explore the land. And I brought him back a report according to my convictions, but my fellow Israelites who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt in fear. I, however, followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly. So on that day Moses swore to me, ‘The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.’  -Joshua 14:6-9

Passing the Cup

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  -Matthew 5:44-45

The olive wood chalice from which I took communion sits inside Jesus' garden tomb.

As the bus makes its way to HomeFront Church I am filled with joy.  Even when I am not smiling outwardly I am smiling on the inside.  Yet, I feel nervous, too.  My mind churns wondering what I should say to my ex-wife when it comes time to hand her the chalice.  I decide that I will not get too detailed.  I will keep it simple.  But truly I have no idea what will come out of my mouth.

Back at HomeFront I wheel my suitcases to my van where it has been sitting for the last 10 days.  As I pass Pastor Josh I ask him to pray for me.  I need the Holy Spirit to give me the words to speak to my ex-wife.  I have already told her that I need to talk when she drops off the kids and that I have something for her to give to John.  But, I have not told her what.

As I pull the van into my driveway I remember distinctly the time not too long ago when I left this place and bid it farewell.  After a shower and some unpacking, Jen arrives.  I cannot stop talking about what happened in Israel as well as show her the various things that I had taken home with me.  We have about an hour alone together before my ex-wife drops the kids off.  I ask Jen if she will pray with me over the conversation that will soon take place.  Together we pray - I open in prayer and she closes.

When my ex-wife pulls into the driveway I am super excited to see my children.  Being kids, they act indifferent - kind of ironic because they are super excited to see me after 4 hour visitations with their mother.  Oh well.  I would later wrestle and play with them when I went back in the house.  For now, they went inside with Jen and my ex-wife and I stand together in the driveway; her arms are crossed.

I open the conversation by explaining the communion.  It is the only significant event in Israel that I intended to tell her about.  As I describe things I meet her at her level; she does not believe Jesus is God.  But, she does not deny the man existed.  When I tell her about taking the bread I speak of his suffering, and how I did not deserve what he has done for me - yet he endured it anyway.  I tell her flat-out that she does not deserve my forgiveness, that what she did was too horrible to forgive.  Yet, Jesus is my example.  I tell her that when I drank from the chalice I drank in the forgiveness:  the forgiveness of Jesus for me - and the forgiveness of me for her and John.

I admit that even though I had verbally forgiven her before (and meant it) there was always this bitterness I harbored.  I wanted to see her suffer, I wanted to see John cheat on her.  I wanted them both to pay for what they had done.  I explain how that bitterness at long last washed away, how I felt like I could float away and how I could not sit still from the joy.  Now, I feel light without that heavy burden I had carried since the day I found out that she had been unfaithful.

She stops me, as I knew she would eventually, "I just want what's best for the kids," she says.

I was prepared for this, "No.  This is not about the kids right now.  I agree with what you're saying but, right now, this isn't about the kids.  Right now this is about you and me."

She notices my new ring and asks me about it.  I explain how I had received it on the path of Christ, and how it reads, "Where you go I will follow," in Hebrew.

I begin going into further detail about the trip as the Spirit prompts me.  I ask her if she knows what the Wailing Wall is.  She doesn't.  I explain that it is the closest place that the Jewish people can get to the holiest of holies to pray.  That's where the Ark had sat from Indiana Jones (Once again meeting her at her level in my explanations.  The first time she had seen this movie was with me back when we were just dating.).  I explain in detail the letting go of my wedding band, and how at first I could not do it.

"Why, you have Jen?" she asks me.

I answer her, telling her how I realized at that moment I was living between two worlds, holding onto a hope.  My problem was that I couldn't let go of us.  I tell her about the prayer I had written on the ring and how God would finally answer it during the communion.

"I don't have a bad word to say about Jen," I tell her.  "She's better for me than you are.  But understand that I didn't want a Jen, I wanted you.  I love you and I died very deep."

I even talk about my baptism.  As I speak I can see my words have an effect on her.  She is genuinely moved.  So long ago I had prayed for my atheist wife to see the grace of God.  My prayer has now been fully accomplished.  So moved by what she beheld, tears fall down her face as I hold out the olive wood chalice from which I had drank communion.

I talk on in greater detail.  I explain how before any of this happened I could love anyone God put in front of me.  I explain how I missed being able to love like that.  I tell her that before I had found out about the affair I had met John, and loved him.  I tell her that I love him again.  This chalice was not for her, but for John.

"I know," she cries, knowing from my message that I had a gift for him.

"Tell him I love him like the day I first met him," I tell her.

I show her that on the bottom I have written, "Forgiven."  I stress that olive wood is a big deal in Israel, and that the chalice has been inside Jesus' tomb.  I need to make sure that she understands that this is a big deal.  I believe she understands.

"And I love you," I tell her, tears streaming down my face.

Her walls come down, "I love you, too."  She says with conviction in her voice.  "Do you want a hug?"

As I fold her into my arms I'm reminded how, on our last night in Jerusalem, our group went around the room and hugged each other and expressed our love.  "I love you," I say again.  "I wish only good things for you."  Before I pull away I kiss her gently on the forehead.

"I'm free, I'm happy," I tell her.

"That's all I want for you," she tells me.  "I want you to be happy."

"I am."

As we part I think to myself that the coolest thing about God's amazing grace is having the chance to give it away.  My prayer has been answered:  my ex-wife has seen the grace of God through me.  There was a time when I wondered if that prayer would ever be answered.  There was a time that I was so broken that I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Only God could make something so beautiful out of the mess my ex-wife and I had made.




On my first day back to my counselors (Ryan and Nicole) I tell them everything about my trip.  I came to counseling to address my depression and anxiety.  Both are now at bay.  They notice a change in me.  I take the anxiety test again.  This time, instead of being in the 99th percentile among males I'm in the 65th - an over 33 point drop.

As a small "thank you" for all of their help along the way I give them an olive tree leaf I picked up from the Garden of Gethsemane.  I tell them that I will pray on how to proceed in our counseling sessions and whether or not to discontinue them.

On our first day back at HomeFront Church Mark, Richard, and I wear our Kippahs.  Richard comes up to me and asks, "Mike, have you been dreaming about Israel?"

"Yes!" I exclaim.  "I dreamt about it last night.  In my dreams I visit a place back home but it's Israel, too.  It's as if they've melded together."

Richard nodded, "Yes, me too!"

In fact, I dream about Israel every night for over a week after I return.

As time passes I realize that we got out of Israel just in time.  On July 22nd, 2014, as rockets from Hamas head toward Tel Aviv Airport (which we used), the FAA halts flights in and out of Israel.  In fact, when the decision is made, a flight one hour from Tel Aviv is rerouted instead to Paris, France.  As I watch the news it feels surreal to see the GPS flight path that I took (and watched from my plane's TV screen) be sent off course.  Israel's Iron Dome stops most of the rocket fire, but not all.  The Iron Dome is a missile defense system designed to intercept and destroy incoming short-range rockets and artillery shells in the southern Israeli city of Ashdod.  Terrorists also begin emerging from secret underground tunnels inside Israel's border.  These acts of war force the Jewish people to defend themselves from invasion and destruction at the hands of their Arab neighbors.





The war in Israel escalates.  Hamas sends rocket after rocket into the holy land.  Israel returns fire, but the Hamas terrorists have positioned their rocket launchers in heavily populated civilian areas near schools, mosques and U.N. buildings.  Controversy emerges as some get angry at Israel's collateral damage.  As Israeli President Netanyahu puts it, "Here’s the difference between us. We’re using missile defense to protect our civilians, and they’re using their civilians to protect their missiles."  The Israeli Defense Force would later find manuals in the terrorist tunnels explaining the positive benefits of having rocket launchers next to civilians.

Below is a videos explaining The Middle East Problem:




So who does the land belong to?  And how have so few Jews held off such an overwhelming amount of Muslims?  For your answer read Genesis 15.  Whatever happens, God is in control of this land - He holds all the cards.

Remember Yossi, the citizen of Jerusalem who also happened to be Kenric's friend?  Recall how Yossi's sons (members of the elite IDF reserve unit) happen to be specially trained to deal with terrorist tunnels using dogs with cameras strapped to their heads.  Needless to say, they have been activated.  I can't begin to imagine the horror of clearing out terrorist tunnels, not knowing what you will find around the next bend, searching for a people that are willing to commit suicide bombings.  Here are excerpts from a letter Yossi sent to a friend, which Kenric gained possession of and shared with us:

I myself can't find peace for my soul, I wish someone call me to assist in something
all my feelings and emotions are about those 2 boys now, nothing else-
and I can't think of anything clear- not work, studies, job, project, client or any other duty
sometime I need to hide the wet that fill my eyes,

...

Sometimes my thoughts goes, from time to time, more and more, to a far places like-

where I have to take or send them? Where to? which place on the globe? Where overseas?

Where our people could live normal life, where they will have better [future], better life?

of cours I can't speak with them about it- they too proud and confident of themselves, of been part of our nation and history, proud of their grandfather- my father, who fought for our nation independence

so they sure reject such ideas and protest of any such thoughts

the point is that they are young without children yet and when they will have families it sure will to b- too late

...

Here's an excerpt from another letter:

Our 2 boys are now deep inside, leading our troops to look for the tunnels, bunkers and underground rocket bases

I drove yesterday again to the south, look 4 them in their different units

Few hours of driving in the desert, just 4 few minutes of staying with them

Few minutes just for look to their sweat sunburnt faces,

Few seconds for look into their pure beauty eyes

Few minutes for Stay with them hear them encourage them

Few minutes To embrace their strong bodies till they had to run 2 there duty.

Meanwhile, at Church service one morning, we learn that on an upcoming Sunday night we will hold an Israel "After Glow" get together at Church.  Folks will have the opportunity to taste Israeli food, watch slide shows from the trip, see souvenirs, and even hear from a panel.  Not too long after learning about this I'm approached by Pastor Josh to be on the said panel.  I agree to do it.  On the same day Pastor Josh asks me to participate, Matt Dahm also asks me to be one of the two people baptizing him in an upcoming ceremony through HomeFront.

At the "After Glow" I see many of the same folks that made the journey to the holy land.  It feels like a reunion of sorts.  On the floor of our Church lobby is a map of Israel made of masking tape.  TV's are setup around the map which play slide shows from that particular region of the map.  A food table has the Church smelling like falafels and other Mediterranean delights.  When it comes time for the panel, the six of us, including Mark and I, make our way up front.  Jen, being the awesome girlfriend that she is, takes on the daunting task of keeping my kids (Josie, Brynn, and James) in line.  Below is a video showing the last portion of the panel presentation (you can often hear my kids in the background).




Awhile later Kenric shares another correspondence from Yossi that he has obtained.  Here it is in its entirety:

Shalom to all of you over the Ocean,

First of all to say shalom and hope for shalom to you all.

Second, to let you know that my family and me are ok.

Our elder boy- Or (Light- 32), is still under 'Rule no. 8'- (National call for Active Duty), after he was called in emergency order for active duty, so he is now more than 40 days, served as an officer of one of our best unit, which leads the battles against Terror missions.

His young brother- our young son- Hen- (Nice/ Cute- 27) was called too for active duty, but was release after 32 days.

Now he is refresh and rest in his house, waiting in Stand By- wave no 2' (6 hour to join force) they [both] serve in the same special unit.

So as I can expect you all can imagine how my family is [living]- following the open TV – 24 hr D/N, tide (24 hr) to the Radio news and [announcements] for running to the shelters, jumping to any Phone rings- desire to hear from the boys, suspect from any strange calls, frightening from the news to come….

In such a situation, you can't [really live] normally, including not doing any reasonable Acoustic work.

The Rockets carry on to fall on our cities, villages, Kibbuzes, day by day, day by night, every hour.

Try to imagine what is the meaning of 50-100-150-200 rockets a day, on your home towns- New York or Boston or Los Angeles or Dallas.

More then 3 million people are expose to the direct hit of those rockets, and 5 million people are living under the instructions of where, when and how to run into shelters, in 15-60 seconds from the Cyrene (depend how far u r from Gaza strip).

Kindergartens, schools and complete cities, are exposed every second- day and night, to this Terror shooting, which is direct as possible is to hit and heart as much people- citizens as possible- no matter Childs, olds, young's, mans or woman's- Just to kill people, and as much as possible, in brutal way, in the name of their believe.

Ill not carry on with this descriptions. But to say that this brutal terror is the enemy of all the free western world, and we must stand in front of it, to fight back and hit back, so they will not raise theire heads, and will not carry on from their desire for killing and 'Gihad' war.

The Hamas is the young cousin of the 'Hezbollah' in Lebanon, brother of 'Hadash' in Syria and Iraq.

We all believe strongly that we shall overcome, no matter how much effort and sacrificed need, and we will hit this young cousin soon.

[Except] our biggest enemy in the past together with Jordan, Arab Saudi and many others who know this Muslim Gihad [movements are] supporting us now. They are afraid of the days after. So we all [believe] that together with USA we will b able to work for new [horizon].

Life in the United States goes on.  I continue to play hockey on Tuesday nights.  One day, I'm approached to play for a travel team.  We would journey one weekend a month to different cities in the mid-west.  I feel the urge to return to my tower, to take on too much again.  I start convincing myself it would be okay.  I could miss Church once a month and figure out a way to pick up the kids later on that Sunday.  I could find a way to afford travel expenses...  No.  God did not give me time so I could overfill it again.  The temptation passes.

More temptations come.  Election day comes and I feel the drive to become more involved and knowledgeable about politics again.  Additionally, one of my MiVDF military buddies calls me, he tries to convince me to return to active duty, saying it's only one Saturday a month for training...  But deep down I know it's more, it always is.  Something that seems small tends to steal away moments here and there.  These things fill my head and they distract.  I push these things back into the rubble of my fallen tower.

On the day of Matt's baptism I have he and his wife Holly over for lunch with Jen, myself, and my kids.  Later that day we gather as a Church at a picturesque beachfront home.  Several members of our Church are being baptized today including many adolescents.  Matt had been baptized before, but he really didn't understand the meaning behind it.  He has since committed his life to the Lord and has been an amazing encouragement to me during the darkest part of my life, which happened to coincide with his revival.  I will forever recall how the Holy Spirit prompted Matt to call me one day at just the right time when both of our lives were changing.  It was an honor being a groomsman in his wedding, and it's an honor baptizing him along with Pastor Josh.

Josh and I baptize Matt Dahm.

Sometime later, when my ex-wife picks up the kids one day, I ask her a question that I dread to ask but am too curious to deny myself from asking:  "What was John's reaction to the cup?"

She tells me that he is grateful.  He said that it's not something he would have done if the shoe were on the other foot.  He feels like a piece of shit.  He kept the cup.  My ex-wife tells me that she is also grateful.

After she drives off with the kids I go back in the house.  I'm angry and I'm sad.  I cry.  I throw a book against the wall.  Did you expect these emotions from me?  Understand, in me telling you my story, it's not that I no longer get sad anymore about what I've gone through.  Through-out this mess I've been to 5 different counselors, taken 4 different medications, and seen the Hand of God move in my life and yet the World remains a broken place.  But, I do have weapons to fight the brokenness now.  When I feel a call to return to my old life and its tower, I mentally travel over the Atlantic Ocean and into the Jordan River where I see myself rise out of the water.  When I think about my ex-wife and our lost life together I remember that my wedding band is wedged into the Wailing Wall and rests far far away sitting as a sacrifice to God.  And when any bitterness creeps in I remember the communion cup and decide not to worry about what others think about me; I will love them anyway - and this fills me with joy.  There is a joy that comes from self-giving sacrifice.  My ring is gone and I am His.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.  -Psalm 27:6

I'm not sure what effect my story of grace will have on my ex-wife and John, but perhaps the seed of hope has been planted.  Maybe when John finds himself in one of life's valleys he will look up and see the chalice and wonder who this Jesus person is.

His Work Here is Done

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 1:4-6

I could have slept in until 8 A.M. but instead I'm up at 6 A.M.  Adventure awaits.

As I come to the last day of this pilgrimage something surprises me:  I have not read a lot of my Bible on this trip except to look up verses to go with pictures.  No, I haven't read my Bible, I've lived it.  God has done a great work in me in the Promise Land.

I've dreamt about my ex-wife again last night.  This time, however, things were friendly.  When I think about what has happened to me on this trip I'm overwhelmed by who God is and what He's done.  Others in our group want to stay in Israel; I'm ready to go home.  I hope to one day return to this land.  Some in our group would return next month if they could.  My trip feels complete.  His work here with me is done, and oh what a praise-worthy work!  Already there is talk about coming back in 2 years.  If HomeFront plans that trip, I will in all likelihood go.  There's so much more to see!  But for now, I'm ready to go home.  There's an item I have to deliver to my ex-wife to give to her boyfriend.

Going into this trip I had some very high expectations.  Typically, this is a recipe for a letdown.  Instead, God blew my expectations out of the water.  The prayer answered here is one that I have prayed and prayed for again and again over the last year and a half.  I had my doubts that it would ever be answered.  This trip changed my life.

The Temple Mount

While the rest of the group sleeps, Mark and I join Pastor Josh and Pastor Flick, along with Josh's parents in the hotel lobby.  The Temple Mount is not a location that we can bring 60 people to.  If too many people show up the Muslims will close it off.  Jews are not allowed to pray there, per the orders of the Muslims running it.  That's why Jews choose to pray at the Wailing Wall; it's the closest they can get to the place where sat the Ark of the Covenant.

The six of us file into two separate cabs.  The cabs take us as close to the Temple Mount as they can.  We get out to take the rest of the trek on foot.  Jerusalem can seem like a maze of multilevel streets and alleyways to someone visiting.  We begin to maneuver through the ancient city, stopping often to ask for directions.

Josh asks an Israeli soldier for directions.

Flick asks a group of Jewish men for directions.

We work our way closer and closer to the Temple Mount.

In order to get up onto the Temple Mount we must pass through no less than 3 security check points.  It's amazing how important this section of land is to Jews, Christians, and Muslims.  This was the location of both Temples to the LORD.  Solomon's Temple was destroyed by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.  The second Temple was built by Nehemiah and Ezra and later refurbished by King Herod.  That Temple was destroyed by the Romans in 70 A.D. and a temple to the false god Jupiter was built in its place.  Currently, the Dome of the Rock sits on the Temple Mount.  The Muslims believe that the rock within the Dome is the site where the Prophet Muhammad ascended to Heaven accompanied by the angel Gabriel.  The Muslim faith was derived circa 600 A.D. when Muhammad took the Judeo-Christian faith and crafted his own religion out of it, making changes as he saw fit.  The whole situation is very similar to Joseph Smith in the 1800's and the creation of the Mormon religion.

When we at last arrive onto the Temple Mount, a soldier immediately walks up to Mark and pulls him aside.  Mark is wearing shorts in a holy place that requires knees to be covered.  The soldier leads Mark away.  Several minutes pass.  It's unclear to the rest of us where Mark has been brought or if he will be allowed to come back.  Finally Mark reappears.  He walks up to us wearing what can best be described as a skirt.  He has just bought himself a $7 souvenir.

Thankfully Mark was not beheaded.  Even worse, he was forced to wear a dress to go with his Charlie Brown T-Shirt.

A Swiss Banker that we met while waiting in line at a security check point is kind enough to take our photo in front of the Dome of the Rock.

The Temple is no longer here, but now, WE are the Temple!  The presence of God once dwelt between the Cherubim inside the holiest of holies.  Now, the Holy Spirit dwells inside those who have taken Jesus up on His offer.  I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit guided me on this trip.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.  -1 Corinthians 3:16-17

Jewish Holocaust Museum

We arrive back at King Solomon's hotel just in time to grab a quick breakfast before our bus sets off.  Our first stop as a group will be the Jewish Holocaust Museum.  This is a required visit of any tour group visiting Israel.  Antisemitism still exists today and 70 years later there are people who deny that the Holocaust ever happened.

When we arrive Juda gives us a tour of the grounds.  He explains that once inside there will be no photography allowed.  Also, we will have free reign to walk the museum as we please (this is not a guided tour).

We enter the Children's Memorial.  I follow the path through the dark room.  Mirrors are meant to make it seem as if we are surrounded by 1.5 million candles (1.5 million children were killed in the Holocaust).  The darkness and mirrors make me a bit disoriented as I try to keep my balance.  The path is crowded.  From 9 A.M. until 5 P.M. each day, names of the lost children are read.  It takes an entire year to read them all.  A disembodied voice reads off a name, hometown, and age.  In the darkness, the first child I hear read is 5 years old.  Instantly I see my 5 year old daughter Josie.  As I move solemnly through the Children's Memorial I hear two children mentioned that are but 1 year old.  I see my son James, a 1 year old toddler.  I'm glad it's dark because my tears are falling.  I am looking into the face of how fallen this world is.

My children do not know about the Holocaust yet.  It breaks my heart that they have to be exposed to this.  They need to know about this one day, but today they are innocent and naive about just how fallen this world is.  One day they will know that this did happen.  The Germans were meticulous in their book keeping.  This museum houses their records.  This museum holds the evidence of something unthinkable.

As I traverse the main section of the museum I am constantly bumping into people.  This place is crowded.  No doubt the layout and stone walls are meant to make visitors feel like they are in a gas chamber.  As I walk along I am bombarded with photographs, black and white videos, interviews from survivors, and World War 2 paraphernalia...  After a while, I'm sorry to say, you get numb to the images.  But then, out of nowhere, you see an image that crushes your soul.

A German soldier prepares to execute a woman who is holding her child in her arms.

I want to go home.  I want to scoop my children up in my arms.  They're still little enough that I can hold all 3 at the same time.  My kids have had a taste of tragedy with going through their parents' divorce, but nothing like this.  God, thank you for waiting until the last day of the trip to show me this place, for I fear I would have wanted to come home earlier.

Israel Museum

Next we head to the Israel Museum.  Outside they have built something that captivates me.  Josh had told me about this but I had completely forgotten about it.  Ahead of me sits a 50:1 scale model of the City of Jerusalem circa 66 A.D. which was during the time of the Roman Revolt which lead to the destruction of the Temple in 70 A.D.  This is Jerusalem at the height of its grandeur, right before all was lost.

After spending the last few days exploring Jerusalem it is pretty amazing to gaze at this model.  It serves as a recap of the visit.  I point things out, "That's the Golden Gate!"  I cannot stop snapping photos as I move around the city, changing angles and discovering new places.  Below are some of my favorites.


Inside the museum awaits a priceless treasure:  the Dead Sea Scrolls.  I had seen the scrolls when they came to Grand Rapids in 2003 but had been too immature in my walk with God to fully appreciate them.  Their discovery meant that we had a copy of the Old Testament Scriptures that was 1000 years older than our previous oldest copy.  Their prophesy in the scroll of Isaiah was likely written on parchment before Jesus came yet describes His coming.  The scrolls contain portions from all but 1 Old Testament book; the book of Esther is missing (a late add to the canon).  Additional scrolls were found as well including:

• Never before seen Psalms attributed to David and Joshua.
• The last words of Joseph, Judah, Levi, Naphtali, and Amram (the father of Moses).
• The Copper Scroll which contains the location of 64 underground hiding places that are said to contain silver, gold, aromatics and manuscripts (treasures from the Temple).
• There are also new stories about Enoch, Abraham and Noah, including an explanation of why God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son.
• And the War Scroll which describes a final battle between the "Sons of Light" and the "Sons of Darkness."

In order to preserve the scrolls they are kept in a special building which resembles the shape of one of the clay jars in which the scrolls were originally found.  This Shrine of the Book is kept at a specific humidity by water that is sprayed onto the roof.  The building is painted white to represent the "Sons of Light" (whom the people of Qumran called themselves).  Near the building sits a black wall which represents the "Sons of Darkness" (whom the people of Qumran considered their enemies).

On my way to Jerusalem we made a stop in Qumran where the scrolls were found.  On my last day in Jerusalem we visit the Shrine of the Book where the scrolls are kept.

The Shrine of the Book representing the "Sons of Light."

A wall representing the "Sons of Darkness."

We exit the museum and load onto the buses.  The time has come to leave Jerusalem.  I will always remember this city fondly.  I will always remember with praise the work that was done here in me, from the Garden of Gethsemane, to the Wailing Wall, to the Garden Tomb.  His work here is done, but there's more work to do at home.  Amazing.  How great is our God!  Gadol Elohai!

The Valley of Elah

We have one final Biblical location to visit, located 45 minutes southwest of Jerusalem:  the Valley of Elah.

Now Jesse said to his son David, “Take this ephah of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread for your brothers and hurry to their camp. Take along these ten cheeses to the commander of their unit. See how your brothers are and bring back some assurance from them. They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines.”  - 1 Samuel 17:17-19

Our group exits the buses and walks toward the valley.  Juda surmises that the ten cheeses were actually a bribe to encourage Saul to place David's brothers in a safer section of combat for the upcoming battle.  I try and imagine the armies of Israel on one side and the armies of the Philistines (including Goliath) on the other side.  I see the stream where David fetched 5 smooth stones.  Because of the drought, the stream currently sits dry.

Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine. - 1 Samuel 17:40

The Valley of Elah.	Pastor Flick reads the story of David & Goliath from Juda's Bible.
The stream where David gathered the 5 stones dried up in the drought.	A stone from the stream the size of which would have been used in a sling.

At this point in Israel's history their soldiers wielded bronze weapons (with the exception of Saul & Jonathan) while the Philistines, who had discovered the secret of smelting iron, had superior iron swords.  An iron sword could completely sever one made of bronze.  The Israelites would not be able to rely on their weapons to defeat this army; only God could deliver them.

Not a blacksmith could be found in the whole land of Israel, because the Philistines had said, “Otherwise the Hebrews will make swords or spears!” So all Israel went down to the Philistines to have their plow points, mattocks, axes and sickles sharpened. The price was two-thirds of a shekel for sharpening plow points and mattocks, and a third of a shekel for sharpening forks and axes and for repointing goads.

So on the day of the battle not a soldier with Saul and Jonathan had a sword or spear in his hand; only Saul and his son Jonathan had them.

- 1 Samuel 13:19-22

When Goliath offered up his challenge I have a sneaky suspicion he anticipated Saul would step out to face him.  But Saul knew that the Spirit of the Lord had departed from him and he did not want to die.  Enter the young shepherd boy David who fought in the name of the Lord.  Historians know that the tribe of Benjamin, from which Saul descended, were experts in the use of the sling.  Isn't it ironic that instead of Saul someone from the tribe of Judah emerged with a sling?  God has a tendency to use those we would least expect to accomplish His will.  More than anything this story emphasizes (for me) that God defeated Goliath; David had only to do what the Spirit led him to do.

When I came to Israel I was battling anxiety and bitterness.  But I gave that battle to the Lord and followed His leading.  David's battle against Goliath was not won by a stone, it was won by the Lord.  My battle with my personal Goliath was also won by the Lord.  I still had to enter the battle, I just had to come in the name of the Lord.  My advice to those who face a Goliath (be it anxiety, depression, bitterness, or something else) is to engage the Lord's leading and enter the battle.

David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.  - 1 Samuel 17:43

Before I leave I enter the stream.  Because it has dried this year I have access to the middle of it.  I look for a small stone as smooth and as round as I can.  Passing over several, I find one I'm happy with and keep it as a souvenir.

Our Last Supper

One of several tables at our last meal in Israel.

For our last meal in Israel we eat at a nice Hebrew restaurant (I can't pronounce the name).  They serve us a 4 course meal as we reflect on our adventure.  Part of that reflection involves remembering the first 2 days and our struggle to get here.  It seems like a month ago.  As the journey comes to an end I can say with confidence that it was all worth it.

As our buses make their way to the Tel Aviv Airport the sun sets over Israel.  Likewise, the sun sets on our adventure.  I can hardly believe my eyes as we pull up to our gate:  we have to enter Tel Aviv through gate 33.  I feel God saying, "Hello.  I'm in control."

We leave Israel through gate 33 at Tel Aviv Airport.

My suit case is checked and I think of the souvenirs and pictures that I'm bringing home.  More important than what I'm bringing home with me is what I'm leaving behind.  All that bitterness and anxiety can stay put in the Wailing Wall.  Farewell.  My cup over flows; You led me to the Promise Land, both literally and figuratively.  This adventure may be over but my new life has just begun.

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.  -Psalm 94:19

Our plane touches down in the United States at the Detroit Airport.  Out of all the terminals in the airport we exit our plane through a symbolic one:  the terminal where we were originally told that we couldn't go to Israel.  I remember Pastor Mike's words on that day, “I’m sorry.  The trip has been cancelled.  You just can’t fit 60 people onto another plane.  I’m sorry.  The planes heading out to Tel Aviv over the next 3 days are all full.  Barring a miracle there just isn't a way.”

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.  -Psalm 84:5

The time nears to deliver the chalice to my ex-wife to give to her boyfriend.